


I Don´t Wanna Live Forever

by lily_bravo



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Cheeky, Cheeky Louis, Classy Harry, Fluff, Multi, Sassy, Sassy Louis, Smut, a little sarcastic, classy, larry stylinson - Freeform, strange, tbc...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2018-11-22 23:44:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 59,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11390889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_bravo/pseuds/lily_bravo
Summary: An elderly woman calls a young reporter and offers her, to tell her the story of her life. THE STORY OF HER LIFE with LOUIS TOMLINSON and HARRY STYLES.They meet and Mrs. Tomlinson starts to tell Ms. Hudson every little detail about her marriage, about her kids, about hate and love and rumours and selfdestruction, about her kidnapping back in 2017...





	1. Been sittin' eyes wide open behind these four walls, hopin' you'll call

**Author's Note:**

> as I said at the end of the first try, I´ll plan and plot this thing completely new. I started to work on this like a real author would do it and I hope, I pays off. I went through the 18 chapters I already had posted and kept some things and deleted others or made them better. The first act is completely done, there will be 12 chapters, followed by one between act one and act two and then the real journey begins... For those of you, who read the old version, I really would love you to read the new one completely too! Trust me, I did a better job than before!
> 
> For today I´ll leave you the prologue here. I´ll keep an eye on the clicks and then I will see, how long it will take me to post the next chapter. :)
> 
> But for now: enjoy the ride!
> 
> Love, Lily.

Prologue

June 20th, 2017

Olivia´s POV:

To me it was just a normal day, I had no idea about how my life was about to change.

I got up in the morning and helped myself to a cup of coffee while I kept looking through Facebook. I took my coffee and my cell phone outside and took a seat on the balcony. I took a cigarette from the package and drew a lighter from my pocket.

That was the moment when I realized I had received a private message over the social media site. I was really surprised when I saw that the message was from One Direction's  
Louis Tomlinson.

What could a guy like him possibly want from me? I took a sip from my coffee and opened the message.

Blah blah blah... He wanted to talk to me and had sent his number along...

I had to find my courage to copy it fast and then dial it.

As soon as it rang for the first time, I hung up. Here I was, a woman at age 33 working as a librarian in my hometown, which was Banja Luka in Bosnia. And I was about to call one of the most famous pop stars of our time. I had to laugh at myself and I nearly dropped my phone when it received the message.

*Hi*, it said. I grinned and typed a simple *Hi* as well. My grin got bigger when he answered asking me how I was doing.

After some minutes, another cigarette and some more texts, I had to get ready for work.

During the car ride I kept messaging with Louis and when I got to the bookstore, I already was late. My colleague and niece, Nika, was already waiting for me.

"You're late.", she said and waited for me to unlock the door. I just shrugged and while she started the coffee machine, I opened the front door as well to let the first customers in. For about an hour we really were busy but as soon as the first rush was over, she prepared our cups and we went outside to have a little break.

"Why are you smiling like an idiot?", she asked. "There is a guy texting me." "So I will finally get an uncle?", Nika smirked. "You are nuts.", I answered and shook my head. "Tell me more about him." "I haven't told you anything yet." "So get started." "He seems to be really nice, and after looking his profile picture, he seems to be quite handsome as well." "Show me the picture." "Nope, I'll keep that to myself until I get to know him better." "Don't be such a spoilsport!" "You'll meet him at the wedding.", I joked.

The bell from the front door interrupted our chat and after I threw my cigarettes away, I went inside to help a young girl find the newest erotic novel.

Nika followed me a few minutes later and I saw that she wasn't ready to let go. When the next message came in she tried to sneak a look at my phone's display but I snatched it from her and with a laugh, I showed her my middle finger.

Louis and I kept messaging all day long, talking about God and the world. I didn't ask him what he wanted from me and he also didn't tell me the reason. It was short before midnight before I found the courage to finally ask him.

"May I call you?", he asked and I sent a positive response. As soon as my phone started ringing, I silently ran downstairs and out to the backyard. My dad already was sleeping so I needed to be very quiet.

Like in the morning I took a seat again and answered the call. "Hey.", Louis said. " Hi!", I answered. "You want to know the reason for this?" "Yeah, I think I should know." "Listen, how about you come to London for a few days, I really would like to meet you." “"But I have to work." "Can't you take a couple of days off?" "I need to talk to my niece first, if she thinks, she can handle it alone, I might be able to take a little vacation." "Sounds great. Why don't you talk to her and get back to me in the morning?“ “Yeah, sure. But I still don´t get what you want and I have no idea, how you found me.” “Is it important how I found you? Doesn´t just matter, that I found you at all?” “Good answer.” “Just trust me in advance? As soon as you´re here, I promise, I´ll explain it to you, okay?” “But you know that I´m older than you, don´t you?” “Yeah, age is nothing but a number and I think... You know...” “No, I don´t know.” “You´re a grown woman, you´re not fangirling...” “Now I got you! I´m way too old to fangirl!”, I admitted with a laugh.

“I like your laugh.”, he said and I didn´t know what to say. “Yeah... That´s the normal reaction I get, when I make compliments.” The grin in his voice was catching and while I thought about a remark, he lighted a cigarette. “Do you always stay up late when you have to work on the next day?”, he continued. “No, normally I would be asleep but I had a reason to stay awake.” “Did you?” “Yeah, a really charming reason.” “Charming? So? I like that...”, Louis answered.

“Actually my niece will love you for whatever it is, you want.” “Why?” “Since some years she would love to have an uncle and you talking to me, will make you a perfect candidate for the job.” “So if you tell her, you´re coming to London to meet me, she´ll go ahead with the wedding planning?” “Yeah, that´s pretty much what I wanted to say.” “Sounds like I should get my tuxedo ready.”, Louis chuckled. “Since she got married, she keeps telling me, that her dress would fit me as well.” “Your niece is married?” “Since she´s my niece, it sounds like she´s much younger than me, but she actually isn´t. The difference is just a little bit more than a year and she already got two kids...” “Do you live alone?” “No. I live with my Dad. My Mum left us and died and he raised me on his own and somehow we´re so used to each other, that I never thought about moving out. He built a house before he met my mother and it would be really empty if it was just him.” “You don´t need to explain, I understand it.” “Sorry.” “No, excuse me! I just wanted to say, that I won´t judge you for living with your Dad.”

We were silent for a moment. “You know... Harry´s stepdad died today.”, Louis said. “Oh my god, I´m sorry!”, I answered shocked. “It was a huge surprise to me as well.” “Didn´t you know that he was sick? I mean... If he was sick...” “No, I didn´t know how serious it was.” “I´m really sorry, it must have been a terrible year for you.” “It was and now one of me best friends is suffering, but I can´t help him. I don´t even dare to offer me help.” “Is he mad at you?” “I don´t know. We eventually quit talking... The last time I saw him was at the X-Factor and I haven´t heard from him ever since.” “Okay... I don´t know what there really was between the two of you... If I just think about it as a friendship, it´s horrible. He seemed to be a nice and decent guy, but it´s not okay.” “No, it´s not. I miss him.”, suddenly Louis sounded really sad.

“You know what, I´ll go ahead and book the flight. Nika will handle the bookstore alone for some days.”, I said. “Let me do the booking thing, I´ll take care of it. I´m gonna text you the exact dates.” “But I´ll pay for it.” “Yeah, right... I want you to come here, I won´t let you pay for it!” “I don´t want gifts.” “It isn´t a gift, you can really help me, so please, let me cover the costs.” “Okay, but...” “It´s fine, I don´t expect any favours. Just come on over, hear me out and if you don´t like my suggestion, you´re free to go.” “You scare me, when you talk like that.” “Trust me, I´m scared meself.” “Okay.” “`kay Love, I´ll take care of the ticket and you´ll go to bed and we´ll talk tomorrow.” “Yeah...” “Bye.” “Louis?” “Yeah? If you want to talk to someone, don´t hesitate, call me.” “Thanks! I really appreciate it!” “Bye.” “Sleep well.” “You too.” We hung up, but right now I was a little bit too upset to go to bed, so I stayed outside and lighted another cigarette.

After a few minutes another message came in. I couldn´t help myself, I grinned like a lunatic, when I saw it was from Louis. Before I opened it, I told myself not to be stupid, he surely just sent the flight times and that I should keep my expectations low. Falling for a younger guy, who probably wasn´t even interested in me, wouldn't be good for my ego. I tried to calm myself down and then I clicked the little envelope on my phone. “Thank you for the talk, Miss Olivia!”, he texted and again I grinned. I just couldn´t help myself. I didn´t answer, simply because I couldn´t come up with something smart. Instead I went to bed.

About an hour before my alarm clock would have been going off, I got up again. I wasn´t able to find some rest, so I decided to get up and get breakfast for my Dad ready.

At seven, when he came from his bedroom, he was his usual grumpy self. “Good morning, Dad.” “Yeah?”, he grumbled and I handed him a cup of coffee. Even though he was in his seventies now, he still got up early every morning and he took care of some summer houses around town. He mowed the lawn, made sure, that everything was secure and watered the plants. For some of these families he was working for over twenty years. It was a little extra money each month and as long as he was capable of it, it was fine by me.

I got to the bookstore before Nika, as it usually was and while I started the coffeemaker and the computer, I went through the messages I had received from Louis.

“So, have you managed to scare him away?”, Nika asked with a grin and balanced her son, Damir, who recently became two, on her hip. “Actually he invited me to come to London to see him.”, I answered with pure satisfaction at her reaction. “Did he?” She handed me my grand-nephew and he giggled as I tried to kiss his cheek. “Tetka! Tetka!”, he giggled and clapped both of his hands on my cheeks. “Just a little kiss, Damir...” “Naaaaaaaaa!”

I sat Damir down on the floor and he stood up on his chubby, tiny feet and walked over to his Mama. “Nika?” “Yeah?” “I need to leave you alone with the store for a few days.” “Okay?”, she asked. “He wants to meet me in London, he practically invited me.” “Do you want to go?”, Nika asked me and I heard that she was pissed. “Look Olivia, this is not you. You want to run off with a guy you haven't even met once? It´s not the best idea in my opinion.” “Last night we talked, he called me and he sounded so damn hurt. His mother died in December and his best friend's step dad died yesterday.” “And why is he bothering you?” “I don´t know for sure, he said, we´ll talk as soon as I get to London.” “Do you think this is the right thing to do?” “I do, Nika, I really do.” “But you do have your own problems...”, she said and pointed at my wrist, where a fine net of scars were imprinted in my skin.

“Listen, I´ll go to London, I´ll meet him and if he isn´t as nice or charming, as he was yesterday, I´ll turn around and head back to the next plane. I have my bankcard and the credit card, so I will get away from there if I need to.” “You call me, no matter why or when, you CALL ME if you need anything!”, she told me.

We started to restock the shelves with the bestsellers and I signed off for the new delivery. Just as I was done with a customer, I received another text. “He sent me date and time for the flight.”, I said to Nika. “When?” “On the 24th at noon. And I should bring elegant clothes.” “Elegant?” “Yeah... I don´t know...” I turned to look at myself in the mirror, we kept beyond the counter, to check our smile when we served a client. “The problem is, it´s fucking summertime, during the summer I might be many things, but not classy!” I was pretty tanned, some freckles were sprinkled over my cheeks and my nose and my hair, which was, according to the actual styles, lighted up enough to be grey and then I had a little encounter with a pink bottle of hair dye... The sun bleached it out and disgusting, broken tips were standing into every direction. My nails, normally acrylic and tasteful painted were nature and had grown out too far. So, I needed a hairdresser, the nail salon, elegant clothes and shoes and and and...

The end of the month was near, so I had to finish up the finances for the store, so Nika just had to put in the monthly closing bill and take it to our bookkeeper. The new order was also done and would arrive on the upcoming Monday, so it was another point I could mark as done.

And I convinced Nika to cut my hair. After I bursted in tears a few years ago, when she trimmed it too much, she refused to do it again. I had given her the permission to cut off as much as she needed, because it was a total wreck. But I didn´t know, how damaged it was and so it got very, very short. And I cried.

But now I was desperate enough to beg her, to cut my hair again. It wasn´t that I didn´t trust her, because I really trusted her, but we fought afterwards and I hated to fight with Nika. After she had Damir stuck in his little bed in the office, she came back out and I handed her the scissors. “Right here and now?”, she asked in disbelief. “Just do it.” “How do you want it?” “How about short at the back and longer at the front?” “Sounds good. You know, you got the perfect face for those haircuts...”, she said and started to cut.

When I got home in the evening, I had my nails done and dropped Damir at his home, so Nika could stay at the store until the closing time. “What are you doing here?”, my Dad asked when I started preparing dinner. “Nika´s closing today. And I need to leave for a few days.” “Where are you going?” “To London.” “Alone or will Kaya come with you?” “Nope, I´ll go alone.” “I don´t like it.” I changed the subject, cause I knew how stubborn my Dad could be.

But he drove me to the airport on the 24th of June and waited for me, until I could pass the security check.

I didn´t like flying and when the plane started, I felt a sudden pain – almost as if I wasn´t going to see my home again... At least not soon...


	2. Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls, hoping you'd call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay, here we go again! =)

March 29th, 2071

Lorraine´s POV:

A few weeks ago an elderly woman called me and asked one weird question: „Do you want to know the truth about Larry Stylinson?“ I was stunned and asked her to explain what she meant. “I´m Olivia Styles-Tomlinson and I´m about to tell you everything about my life. Are you in?”

How could I not be?

We made an appointment, not too far in the future, she had insisted. I asked her for some days to prepare for the conversation, to do some research on Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson. She agreed and gave me one advice: “Whatever you might stumble across on the internet, note your questions. There will be many of them and I´ll do my best to answer all of them.” I did as I was told and when we were about to meet, I had over two hundred questions written down in my notebook.

She told me her address and asked me to come and stay with her, as long as we needed to do the interview. She claimed that it was best for me to live with her, so I could meet the whole family. I agreed and packed some stuff before I got on a train to Surrey.

When I left the train a man already waited for me.

“Hello, nice to meet you, I´m Freddie Reign Tomlinson, you´re about to talk to my mother.” I was confused, so I asked him: “Your mother?” “Yeah, not my birth mother, but the Mum of my heart.” “Okay.” “If you would join me, we could go home.” “Sure, thank you!”, I answered and he took my little suitcase. “Did you write down your questions, as she told you to?” “I did, I did.” “May I read them? We´re not going to dismiss any of them, I just want to know what is coming up, so I can back her up.” “Sure. I´ll give you my notebook as soon as we arrive.” “Thank you, Dear!”

We came to a huge gate in an equally huge wall. The gate opened and Mister Tomlinson drove onto the driveway. “My parents bought the house about fifteen years ago. Mum always said, that the other house got too big for just the three of them. My wife and I built a little cottage in the backyard. At first we just spent the summertime here but when Tata died, we came to live here all the time.”, he explained and I nodded. “It seems to be very peaceful here.”, I said. “It really is. I think that´s the initial reason for purchasing it. Their life was busy and loud and a hurry, they all just wanted some peaceful years in the end.”

He stopped the car in front of the steps leading to the front door. “I´ll show you up to your room and we´ll wait for you in the kitchen. My Mum prepared a little snack and we´ll have coffee later, if that´s alright with you.” “Sure, I just need a minute to get my stuff ready and then I´ll gladly join you.” As promised he walked me to the guest room. “Here we are, if you need anything don´t hesitate to let me know, okay?” “Thank you! Here´s my notebook with the questions.” “Oh, thank you! I´ll try to get through them as soon as I can.” “Take your time.”

I took my laptop from my suitcase and placed it on the desk. After I had plugged it in I went to the bathroom to take a look at my makeup. While I had a wee, I texted my girlfriend to let her know, that I had arrived. One last look into the mirror and I was ready to meet Olivia Styles-Tomlinson.

I walked downstairs and followed the voices to the kitchen.

I knocked at the door and they turned to look at me.

I had seen many pictures of this woman, but none of them could pay tribute to the lady standing in front of me. Although she was 87 years old, she was beautiful and she had a grace and dignity unlike many others. I went over to greet her.

“Miss Hudson, nice to meet you! I´m Olivia Styles-Tomlinson.” “It´s a pleasure to meet you! I can´t tell you, how delighted I am that you chose me!” “I've been keeping an eye on you for some time now. I like your writing skills and I trust you, to tell my story as I tell it to you.” “I will do my very best, I promise!” “Please, take a seat! What can I get you to drink?”, she asked. “A glass of water would be fine, actually.” “Sure.” Mister Tomlinson went to get me the requested water. “Thank you, Sir!” “Oh please, call me Freddie, otherwise I just feel like an old man.”, he offered with a smile and I reached out my hand to him. “I´m Lorraine.” “Nice to meet you, Lorraine.”, he grinned and Olivia shook her head. “The same charming lad as his Dad was.”, she said and Freddie shrugged. “There have to be some good things I inherited from him. Charly keeps saying, that I only got his bad manners in my genes.” “Well... I have to admit, you´re as mischievous as your father was.” “But I have the good looks...”, he claimed and Olivia laughed.

“Sorry, Dear, that´s just what we do...”, she said turning to face me. “Wait until you meet my sisters, it´s even worse when they're around.”, Freddie said. Olivia sat down on the barstool next to me. “Here are some grapes and cheese, just a little snack if you´re hungry.” “Thank you!” “Do you need anything or may I leave you for a while?”, Freddie asked and Olivia answered: “Thanks, Love, we´re fine. I let you know, if we need anything.” “Okay, Ladies, I´ll see you later!”

“We´ll do a little time travel back to when I was 33 years old. It was 54 years ago, that Louis Tomlinson contacted me. Harry´s stepfather had just died and Louis asked me, a total stranger to him, to attend the funeral with him. We had a little chat, just talking about random stuff, before he explained, that I might be the solution to his problems. I had no idea, what he was talking about, because at this time, I was already convinced, he had married his girlfriend Eleanor or was, at least, about to do it. But I was wrong. Do you mind if I smoke?”, she asked and I shook my head. “Of course not, it´s your home!”, I hurried to say and she laughed. “Harry never wanted us to smoke in the house, but it´s a bad habit.” The first cigarette was lit.

“Louis just told me, that he needed to talk to me and Harry. Not specifically about what, just that we needed to talk. But there was one question, that made me wonder: he asked, if I was seeing someone. I told him, there was no one and Louis seemed to be satisfied with my answer.” I just nodded, I didn´t want to make a stupid remark, so I decided to stay quiet.

“He mailed me the travel plan on the next day. I was nervous, I didn´t know what I should be thinking. About his request, his questions. Why me?, I kept asking myself, but no matter how hard I tried to find an answer, there was none. At least not at this time.”

“Would you mind to start from your arrival in London? I kinda would like to stick to the timeline I made, referring to my search results.” “May I see it?” “Sure.” Freddie had left my notebook on the counter and I grabbed it and showed her the preliminary timeline. She read it and nodded as she followed the line with her finger. “Looks fine to me. There are some milestones missing, but all in all, this is pretty amazing.”

Now I just had to ask: “Why me? Why now?” She let out a little laugh and answered: “Harry, Louis and I made a deal. The last one of us, the last surviving member of our triangle, is finally stepping up for all of us and tell the truth to the world.”  
“As I said, I´m really honoured, thank you for giving me the opportunity. Why don´t you just tell me, what happened when you flew to England?”

“I arrived at Stansted on the evening before the funeral. Louis had told me, he would send someone to pick me up. It was just the third flight in my life and I was nervous, I had never been to England before. There was a guy waiting for me and I failed to talk to him. It took me some time to just tell him my name and that he was waiting for me. He was very kind and we went outside. He took me to a hotel, where Louis had booked a room for me. The concierge told me, that Louis will be arriving at about six pm and he already had ordered dinner for the two of us.”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

I never would have expected to stay in a luxurious room like this, but my mind kept wrapping around the topic of the talk, Louis wanted me, him and Harry to have.

A glance at the watch told me, that there was just another hour left before Louis would come over, so I unpacked my stuff and helped myself to a coke from the mini fridge and a cigarette on the balcony.

I tried to calm myself down and to recall the facts, I wanted to tell Louis about me. He had to know, that I was older than him, although I had already told him, I wanted to remind him of this fact.

I changed into something casual and waited for Louis. And he didn´t show up. At least not on time!

After fifteen minutes, I started to pace around the room. Would he really spend money to bring me to London and just ignore me? I was very insecure and for a second I thought about leaving, having a good time in the city and fly back tomorrow.

At exactly 6:21 pm I heard a knock on my door. After one last soothing breath, I opened the door and smiled at Louis. “I´m so sorry, Love, I was stuck in traffic and in a phone call with me sister...” “At least you came.”, I grinned and stepped out of the way. “Come on in.” “Thanks. Do you like it here?” “Yeah, it´s fine.” “Ooooh... Doesn´t it match your standards?”, he joked. “Nope, definitely not! I mean... Look at those awful curtains... If they were mine, I would rip them out and burn them!” “Wanna do it? Let´s do it! I never actually trashed a hotel room!”, Louis said and grabbed the curtain. “Okay, you got me, I lied. I love Daisies.” “Bummer, I really thought we could have our own little bonfire...” “

“They told me, you ordered dinner.”, I said and Louis took off his jacket. “Yeah, I thought you might be hungry after the flight.” “That´s very kind. Thank you!” “Wanna have a cigarette?” “I would love to! And you could tell me, why I´m here.”

We stepped outside and Louis started to search for his pack of cigarettes. “Shit, must have left them in the car.” “You can have one of mine.” He gladly accepted my offer and for a second, we were both quiet. Then Louis started to cough. “Oh my god, those are like coffin nails!”, he muttered and tried to catch a breath. “Makes you smoke less.”, I added and thought about patting his back, but while I still was deciding, he recovered.

Again we fell into a silence. “First of all, you´re here to be me companion for the funeral. We´ll leave for Holmes Chapel in the early hours tomorrow and after the burial, we´ll sit down with Harry, because I need to talk to you.” “About what?” “I think, I might have found a solution for the whole Larry-Stylinson-Thing.” “And it involves me?” “Yeah. Just listen to what I gotta say and think about it.” “Tell me now.” “Nope, I can just explain it once, for more I´m not brave enough.” “So, you´re asking me to attend a funeral with you. A funeral held for a person, I didn´t even know. I hope the real issue is really good!” “Trust me, it is!” “Allow me one final question: what about your girlfriend?” “Oh... She´s not me girlfriend anymore.”

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“We had dinner and Louis left early, so I could shower and relax a little bit.” “And you had no clue about what he wanted?” “No, not at all! He gave me no hints, nothing.” “You must have been dying to know.” “Yeah, I really was!” “What was your first impression of Louis?” “He was very charming and kind. But the longer we talked, the more I realised, he had some huge issues in his head. He tried to be all smiley and cheeky, but I recognized, he was just tired and exhausted. And driven by something. After our smoking break on the balcony, I did not ask him again for the reason of me being here. I tried to show him, that there's no pressure, that he can be himself while being with me. He got a call during dinner, I still have no idea about who it was, but he got angry. After he hung up, he was pissed but within the blink of an eye, he tried to calm himself down and be the nice guy again. I stopped him. I told him, that it´s okay to be angry, that he doesn´t need to be nice all the time. I said, that it´s just normal for a human to be pissed sometimes and that I´m not expecting him to be the perfect gentleman at all time.” “How did he react to that?” “He was relieved. But it was on the next day for me to find out why he acted, the way he acted.”


	3. It's just a cruel existence like there's no point hoping at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and the story goes on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´m really glad that you found the way back to this fic! =) and for all those who are new: welcome! =)
> 
> I´m constantly working on new chapters and so far I really like this second version much better than the first one. 
> 
> but enough said, let´s go on with the next chapter! =)

Lorraine´s POV:

„How was the next day?“, I asked Olivia.  
.  
But before she could answer, I added another question: “I´m sorry, Ma'am, but may I call you Olivia?” “Sure, Darling, sure.” “Thank you! I would like you to call me Lorraine.” “It´s a beautiful name, I really appreciate your kindness.” “You are really generous, Olivia!” “That´s a side effect of living with Harry and Louis for so many years.” “I wish, I could have met them!” “You would have really liked them!”

After a moment of silence she continued: “I had asked the concierge to wake me up at four a.m. I felt like a zombie and a look into the mirror confirmed, that I was looking as one as well. It took me the most of one hour to get somehow presentable. I had brought black pants and a dark grey shirt to wear and I just went on with some light makeup. And no heels, at least not to high. I packed my bag again, cause Louis told me last evening, that we wouldn't be returning to London that day.”

“Did he come on time?” “Actually he did. He showed up at five a.m. and he brought coffee. So, I basically fell in love with him right away.”, she smiled a little sad.

“The drive from London to Holmes Chapel is quite long, or did you take a plane?” “No, we drove all the way.” “So you had time to talk again.” “Yeah, I asked him about his Mum.”

Flashback!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Would you mind, telling me a little bit about your Mum?”, I asked and took another sip from my coffee-to-go. “I still can´t believe she´s gone. She was an amazing woman! She always knew, where her place in life was. She was self confident and she was always willing to raise her voice for me and me siblings. She was so unbelievably strong!” “I bet, she was a fighter, right till the end?” “She was! She was!”, Louis said sadly. “And your siblings?” “I feel bad for Doris and Ernest, they never got to really know Mum. All they will have from her are maybe some blurry images in their memories and a lot of great stories about her, but they will never have a serious talk with her, get to ask her questions, hear anecdotes from her life. Even Daisy and Phoebe did not get to know her, as Lottie, Fizzy and I did.” “But I guess, even if you had another fifty years with her, you would never have gotten enough.” “Yeah, that´s true. She gave me so many advices and I would need her for some more, but now she´s gone. All she saw, all she heard, all she knew, is gone. I had so much time with her and still she wasn´t able to pass all her good stuff on to me. All the parenting advice she started to give me, when Freddie was born. Although I had younger siblings, it was with Freddie, I finally liked changing diapers! I never believed her, when she told me, you´ll like doing it on your own children. She'll never be there for him. He will never be able to remember her.”, Louis became really sad.

“What´s with your family?”, he asked me in return. “I just got my Dad and one older sister, but I have no idea where she´s at. I talked to her about two or three times in my life. I also had an older brother, but he died sixteen years ago. At his funeral, I met his daughter, Nika. Nika is my best friend and we have our own business, a little bookstore in Banja Luka. And there´s Kaya, she´s my sister from another Mister. I just met her at the beginning of this year.”, I started and all of a sudden, I thought about the facts, I wanted to tell him. “You know that I´m sick, right?” “You´re sick?” “Yeah, I got a personality disorder.” “Sounds bad... Tell me more.” “I´m on a daily medication, that should keep my mood up, when there´s something, I can´t cope with, I feel the need to hurt myself. And I did it very often in the past. My mind is racing all the time and right now I would love to smack my head against the window. I really need to know what you want from me.” “Just a little more patience. Please, trust me, I won´t play games with you!” “I give you this day, if you don´t tell me what you´re up to until sunset, I will have to leave.” “That´s fair. But I will tell you. Trust me.” “Okay.”

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“At the funeral you met Niall Horan, Liam Payne and Harry Styles?” “Yes. Louis told me during the ride, that he had agreed with Liam and Niall to meet us a block away from the church. And when we arrived, both were already waiting for us. Louis parked the car and I decided to beat my nervosity and just get out and introduce myself to the guys. They were pretty surprised, they also had no idea, what Louis had planned. I know this as a fact, cause I asked both of them.”, she grinned.

“While we walked to the church Louis, Liam and I had a cigarette. And as soon as I had my cigarettes and lighter tucked away again, Louis took my hand. I was surprised, but I didn´t pull my hand out of his grip. The closer we got to the church, the more people walked with us. The guys kept greeting some of them, I just walked and looked at the floor, wearing very dark shades. I felt really awkward, because I knew nobody.” “I might add, that it was very brave to dive into this society on such an occasion.” “Yeah, I kept telling myself all the time, that I´m nuts.”

“How was it to meet Harry´s family?” “When we reached the portal of the church, we joined the line to give them our condolences. Louis was in front of me and Niall and Liam were following us. I was really nervous and kept looking to the ground. Niall muttered in my back und told me, Louis´, his and Liam´s families were sitting on the left side. We moved forward slowly and I saw Louis tensing, when we walked by the coffin. I put my hand on his shoulder as a reassuring gesture and then we were next. We started with Robin´s kids and I mumbled how sorry I was for their loss. As I did with Gemma. Harry was next and I heard Louis talking to him. He told him, who I was and that he needed to talk to the both of us. Harry looked at me with sheer hate. I wasn´t able to breathe, I felt clearly, that he didn´t want me to be there! So I made a bold step forward and shook his hand. I told him, how sorry I was for all of this, for his stepdad to be dead, for being here, when I shouldn't be and I begged him, to hear Louis out. Harry was steaming with rage and he looked at Louis and something in Louis´ sight must have changed his mind. Suddenly he smiled, but it didn´t reach his eyes. He was pulling of a show.”

“Did he agree to talk to you?” “Anne nudged him softly and he nodded annoyed.” “So Anne did know what this all was about?” “Yeah, this was a huge surprise to Louis. I just wanted to say the little sentence, I had prepared, but I never got to speak.”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

“Hi, I´m Anne, I´m Harry´s and Gemma´s Mom.” “Hi, it´s very nice to meet you, my name is Olivia.” “I know what Louis is going to tell you and Harry. Hear him out, think about it and make a choice. He had been working on this plan ever since the whole Larry mess started.” “But... I ... I... Think, I don´t understand what this has to do with me.”, I said desperately. “Now it´s about Robin, we´ll pay him the tribute he deserved and then we can talk. Don´t start without me!”, Anne advised us and Louis made his way to where his family had saved some places.

Thankfully, Liam paid a thought and in the very last second he sat down between Lottie and me. With a little nod I thanked him and he smiled in response. And then Lottie started talking. She kept going through most of the service, only when the Lord´s Prayer was said, she kept her mouth shut. I did not like her. When the service was over, Harry stood up and tried to find us in the crowd, so lifted my hand and draw his attention on me. “What´s up?”, Louis asked and I answered: “Harry wants something, he was looking for us.” Louis stood on a chair to find Harry and they made something up just by looking at each other. We made our way next to the aisle and watched the grieving family preparing for their last way with Robin. I felt so awkward, I just didn´t belong here.

Robin´s kids from his first marriage, Mike and Amy, were the first in line to follow the casket. Anne would have been next, but Mike made her come to the first row. I overheard him saying: “You were the love of his life, you should be first.” Harry and Gemma stood in the line as well, but they looked really lost. “Louis, why don´t you take Gemma´s other side?”, Anne said and Harry rolled his eyes. “Just go.”, I said to Louis. “With you.” “Louis! No, just do it, I´ll stay with Liam and Niall. We´ll meet you outside, okay?” “Okay.”, he said weakly and Gemma took his hand. “You´ll be fine, you can do this!”, I mumbled and stepped back.

Liam, Niall, their folks and me waited until we were the last in the church. Lottie shot little deadly looks at me and I tried to hide behind Liam´s back. I felt like she wanted to attack me, if it wasn´t a church, she already would be yelling at me.

I waited for the others to go first, at least they had known Robin. Suddenly Zayn showed up. Liam and Niall stared at him and he greeted them. “Why don´t you walk with me?”, he said to me and I nodded. I attached myself to his arm and we were the last persons to leave the church. “I know why you´re here. Louis told me some years ago, what he was thinking about. We were both stoned and I´m not even sure, if he remembers the conversation, but I remember every word.”, he whispered so no one else could hear him.

“I always considered Louis as my friend, he's a sincere, upright person and he is suffering. Suffering because he lost his Mum and because he can´t be with the person he truly loves.” As soon as we stepped out in the sunshine, Zayn dragged me to the side of the church and we hid a little bit to have a cigarette.

“Please, do me a favor, listen to him. Don´t think badly of him, he´s just trying to do his best.” “Zayn, please, I don´t get it! I have no idea what you´re talking about!” Zayn rubbed frustrated with both hands his face. “He´s going to ask you to marry him.” “Marry me? Why?” “So he can be with Harry. You should be their alibi!” “But... Oh my God!” “Hear him out, he has some pretty good arguments. Don´t judge him, just listen.” “I don´t know if I´m the right person for this.” “Louis didn´t choose you without thinking over and over again, I know him. Give him a chance.”, Zayn pleaded and a laugh escaped my lips.

Right when I wanted to speak again, Liam and Niall joined us. “What is this all about?”, Liam asked Zayn. “I don´t know.”, Zayn shrugged and I just shook my head. “Harry is about to kill Louis, he´s burning with rage. We have to get them out of the cemetery, out of the public. If they start a fight, it shouldn't be in public.”, Liam continued.

The first people started to leave and we stayed hidden until Louis came along with Lottie and Fizzie.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“What happened next?”, I asked curiously. “Lottie wanted to say something, but Louis just started sobbing. He just stumbled towards me and I pulled him in for a hug. Within seconds, Liam, Niall and Zayn surrounded us and helped me catching their friend.

While most of the guests were leaving, we waited outside the cemetery for Harry, Anne and Gemma. *A few people are coming over for some drinks, you have to join us. Dan left with the kids, but Liam, your parents are coming, Maura will be there too.*, Anne said and I remember clearly that she looked at me and nodded. So I had no other choice.”


	4. Baby, baby, I feel crazy, up all night, all night and every day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It almost caught me by surprise, that five days passed so quickly... =) I´m not pretty sure about the next update, cause I´ll be visiting a friend, but I´ll try to update on schedule.

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

The walk back to the car was almost a silent one. My mind was racing. Anne knew what Louis wanted to tell us and obviously, Harry didn´t. Zayn, Liam and Niall had gone ahead and I had to keep Louis from walking too fast. Not only because I couldn´t walk that fast. I needed to think.

If Anne knew, I didn´t understand why Harry did not. “Why does Anne know?”, I asked Louis and he smiled at me. “This whole plan was an idea, my Mum had a long time ago. And before she died, she told Anne and made her promise, to never tell anyone. Not even Harry. Not before I was able to make up me mind about it.” “And now you've come to terms with yourself?” “Yeah, I guess, I´m ready now.”

“Why do I have the feeling, that I´m not ready for whatever it is?”, I asked with a frown. “Trust me, just one word and you´ll be out of this and on your way back home. Nobody is going to make you do something, you don´t want to do.” “How did you find me?” “I looked through me Instagram followers. I liked your profile pic, so I looked you up on Twitter and Facebook.” “Yeah, cause my Instagram and Facebook are private.” “I saw you liked football and music, just like me, so I thought, I´ll give you a try and talking to you was a great feeling. You were not fangirling, which I kind of liked.” “And if our talk wouldn't have been that great, you would have started to browse your followers again?” “I don´t know. I´m not sure, if I had enough courage left.” “Okay, that scares me a little bit!”, I admitted and stepped up to the passenger door.

The ride to Anne´s house wasn´t very long, but after Louis told me, he needed courage to talk to me and after what Zayn had told me, I was a nervewreck. If he was nervous, I should be nervous even more! I wondered, how Harry might feel. Had Anne told him anything in the meantime?

Louis and I walked up to the front door, which was open and entered the house. “Thanks for coming, Dear!”, Anne came across the living room. “Of course we came.”, Louis offered a smile to her. “Harry is outside, in the backyard, he´s already waiting for you. You should get to it. I´ll join ya in a few minutes.” “´Kay Anne.”, Louis answered and we went through the house and out at the back. Four chairs were standing in the grass, a safe distance away from the porch.

As soon as we came outside, Harry came storming over and grabbed Louis by the collar of his shirt. “Why did you bring a stranger to Robin´s funeral? Why did you have to make this about you? It´s not about you! Not always!”, he said with clenched teeth. “It´s not about me. It´s about us. Like it always has been!” “Don´t piss me off!” “Seems like you´re already pissed!” “What do you want? And you better make it a good one!” I wasn´t brave enough to step in between the two of them, but Anne was. Easily she plucked Harry´s hands from Louis´ collar and looked at them warningly. “Okay, you better take a seat and we will talk.” Harry ran his hands through his hair and without a word, he made his way over to the chairs.

Before I followed him, I took off my shoes and grabbed an ashtray from the windowsill. “What do you want to drink?”, Anne asked and Louis answered for the both of us. “I´ll take a beer and I suppose, you´ll have a Coke, right?” “That sounds great!”, I smiled at Anne and she went back inside.

“Ready?”, I asked Louis and he laughed quietly. “Yeah, I mean, it´s now or never.” “And if I don´t like your idea, whatever it is, I´m free to go?” “Yes. I´ll take you to the airport meself.” “What about your sisters, they're trying to kill us with their thoughts.”, I said and nodded into the direction where Lottie and Fizzie were standing. “I´ll deal with them later.”

Together with Anne we crossed the yard to sit with Harry. Anne gave him another bottle of beer, which Harry thanked her for. “Okay, Lou, just spit it out.”, Harry said very rude.  
“Fine. I´ll start with being totally honest. I love you. I loved you from the very first moment and I will always love you.”, Louis said to Harry. Before Harry could make a remark, his mom stopped him. “Listen to Louis.” Harry let out a annoyed sigh, but he didn´t say anything.

“For years I tried to figure out a way for us to be together. I wanted to be with you, kiss you in public, hold your hand, but I never got the chance to. And I hate myself for playing along this sick game. I should have fought more, but as time went by, I got used to all the secrecy. But it drove you away from me.” “It wasn´t the secrecy, it was your little intermezzo with Briana!” “I made a mistake, one fucking mistake!” “You´re a father now!” “Yeah, and if I could turn back time, I would do it right away.” “But you can´t!” “So I worked on a solution, because I want us to be together! I want to spend the rest of my life with you!” “Fine, how does she fit into the picture?”, Harry asked, pointing in my direction.

“She is named Olivia and she is going to be our alibi. I am, officially, proposing to her. I want her to marry me.” “What the fuck!”, Harry said and his eyes were shooting little arrows my way. “Why should I do that?” “I´m offering you a happy life, money, kids...” “But no love?” “I like you, I really do.” “I don´t think that´s enough.” “And how do I fit in this plan?”, Harry asked. “We´re going to buy a house and you´re coming to live with us.” “And how do you want to explain that?” “Or we´re going to build a house, big enough for all of us.” “Again, how do you wanna explain it?” “We´re friends!”, Louis shouted at Harry.

“Okay, shut up, guys, let me do the talking.”, Anne said and my head was spinning already.

“I´m telling you, what Jay told me. She told me, to take care that Louis finds someone he could imagine, spending the rest of his life with. Someone besides Harry. We´re not talking about a life in solitude, you should form a family, all together. I know, this might sound sick, but you could have kids together. Of course, this someone has to be a person Harry will like as well.” “They don´t know me, how should they like me?”, I asked her, ignoring Harry and Louis. “You don´t have to get married within this week. And you have to like them as well.” “And in the whole process, I should sleep with both of them?” “If you don´t want to, there´s still the possibility of in-vitro.” “Okay, I´ll think about that later, but what did you think, I should tell my family? Hell yeah, I live with two guys, that are secretly in love.” “Something like that.”, Louis said with a shrug.

“That is nuts!”, Harry said with a growl. “Why don´t you just think about it? Give it a try, get to know each other?”, Anne asked her son. “Because this whole idea is fucking insane!”

“Don´t you love me?”, Louis asked Harry and he obviously was holding back his tears. “It doesn´t matter in this farce!” “It does!” “Fine, fine, I love you! But it nearly killed me, when you slept with this girl! I was always thinking, that maybe someday, we´ll be able to be together, have a family, but you´re staying with Simon, that made it impossible! He will never ever agree on us being out.” “That´s why Jay came up with the idea.”, Anne told Harry. “Even if this works, we will never be able to show our affection in front of the whole world. Why should we drag an innocent person into this?” “You have to remember, that she will have a good life. Cars, vacations, tattoos... whatever!” “I don´t know, if that is enough for me.”, I said with a frown.

“It is not about making a decision right now. Think about it, get to know each other, spend time together.”, Anne said and Harry just shook his head. “I still don´t get how you want to sell this to the world.” “We´re basically tell them, we´re having some kind of weird commune.” “Commune, to me, sounds like basically screwing all day, smoking weed.”, I answered and Louis, Harry and Anne looked at me, before they started laughing. “Communes are some flower-power invention!” Harry was the first to get serious again. “And I guess, commune is exactly the right word. There will be sex, be honest, we´re young, we´re in love, we´re going to screw around. I don´t know, if I like the idea of living with Louis and knowing he´s sleeping with you.”, Harry said directly to me. “Trust me, I´m still also not happy about it. I will practically be your surrogate.” “No, you´ll stay with us, you´ll be the mom of those kids!” “How many are we talking about?” “For the beginning, I tought about one from each.” I literally felt my hair getting grey.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

Oh my god! There was no way, I just heard what I just heard!

“Louis was suggesting for you to live in a poli monogamous relationship?”, I asked Olivia.  
“He did. I was as surprised as you are. I mean, there have been TV-shows about guys who had four or five wives, but a woman having two man? I didn´t really know what to think.” “How did the conversation continue?” “It didn´t. We quit there. Anne suggested, Louis and I might spend the night at Harry´s. So we did. Thank god, his house had enough bedrooms, because everyone of us had a huge amount of thinking to do.” “And you didn´t talk to Harry and Louis again?” “Only once on the same day. Harry and I met in the hallway, cause we just wanted to make sure, that we were right about Louis´ idea.”

Olivia took a sip from her coffee cup. “You questioned him about the details?” “We found Louis in the backyard, by the pool, having a cigarette. Harry and I took turns in asking him about his plan and after we were both certain, we parted again and that was it for this day.”

“If I would have been in your place, I wouldn't have known, what to think either.” “I don´t know, for how many hours I walked around the bed. From the left nightstand to the right and back again.” “Did you come to a conclusion?” “Not to a final one. I just came up with the plan, to let Louis explain again, how he imagines our family structure to be.” 

“And what about Harry?”

“So far I had not seen anything good from Harry and I totally understood him. His Mum was fine with the plan, which made it even worse for him. He just didn´t understand how this should work. He wanted to be gay in public, he wanted to go for walks with Louis hand in hand and adding me to the equation made no sense at all. People would still be sceptical about Larry, I must admit, I didn´t understand it either. I had no doubt about them giving me a good life, but it just didn´t make sense. I had nothing to do with the music business, I didn´t know anything about their lives. For Harry it must have been worse, he found out about a plan about his own life that was kept from him for years. I got that he was pissed and I pitied him. I really did. So I thought, I might talk to him alone. Hear what his thoughts were. That was in the early morning hours of the next day and when I left my room to look for him, I heard him downstairs.”


	5. Give me something, oh, but you say nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> before I´m off for my trip, I´m gonna leave the new chapter here! =)
> 
> and, because I know it´s one of my main problems in english, I´m working on my man/men, woman/women issues... I swear, it´ll get better!

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

“This is insane, I refuse to think about it anymore!”, Harry yelled at Louis in the kitchen. “Come on, it´s the best idea I ever had!” “It´s only crazier than the others!” “Why don´t you give her a chance?” I held my breath and took a step back into the living room. I needed to hear the answer, before I talked to them again.

“You know, it´s not about her! It´s fucking illegal!” “Oh come on, do you really think, there´s no polygamie in England?” “It doesn´t matter!” “Then, what does matter?”, now Louis was also yelling. “I can´t share you with someone else! And certainly, I can´t live with the woman, I have to share you with!” “You´re jealous? You´re ruining this because of simple jealousy?” “Do you even listen to yourself? You want us to use a woman to cover up our love. Don´t you think, she deserves love too?” “I never said, there wouldn't be any love.” “You talk about simple feelings, but nothing satisfying. No matter how much money you offer her.” “We don´t know her, maybe there will be love.” “But never like the love between us.”, Harry sounded now definitely sad. “You make it sound like a business arrangement.” “Because that is, what it is! I don´t want kids, that grow up without their parents being even a couple, but living in the same house! Hell yeah, what are they gonna tell in school? Yeah, I got two dads and one mom and I have some half siblings from my second dad and we share our mother.” “You sound ridiculous!” “No, all of this is ridiculous!” They fell silent.

I decided, to jump right into their fight.

“You always talk about loving me, you totally forget, that I have to like you as well, which is even more important because I have to sleep with both of you!”, I said and entered the kitchen. “Oh come on, we´re two lovely fellas!”, Louis smirked sassy. “Okay, let´s get back to the seriousness of this.”, Harry said and wanted to go on speaking, but with a wave from my hand, I told him to shut up. So far I heard plenty of his opinions, now it was time for mine.

“Actually, this whole poli monogamous thing is not as uncommon as we may think. Usually it´s just the other way around, a guy having multiple wives.” “Are you really thinking about it?”, Harry asked me in disbelief. “I don´t know what to think! All night long I went through one possibility after the other, but I still don´t know what to think.” “Wouldn't it be a problem for you, to share Louis with me?” “No, because I would still know, that this is the reason why we´re doing this. We just would be *together* for the sole purpose of your relationship! You know what, I have no problem with being alone, I always find something to keep me occupied and I do own earphones.”

“Not even if I would fuck him right here on the table?” “Nope.” “It would bother me, though.”, Louis grinned. “Oh shut up, you idiot!”, Harry barked and ran his hand through his hair, again.

“What if you meet someone you really love? What if you meet the right guy and you´re stuck with us?” “I wouldn't be looking for anybody.” “But what if it´s your destiny to meet him in the circle of our friends? What is, if it´s Niall?” “Naaaah, I´m not into the Irish...” “Don´t mock me!” “I don´t. But it is, as Louis said, I´ll have kids and a life without anything to worry about. And if I do fall in love with someone, you´ll have to hire him as a poolboy or Mister Nanny or something else.” “If someone finds out, they´ll call you a whore, a slut...” “As I said, I have earphones. I don´t care what people think.” “But you will care, as soon as they yell it right to your face.” “So you will have to protect me.”, I muttered stubbornly just to annoy Harry. I knew exactly what he wanted to say, what he meant, but his antipathy drove me crazy! He did not give it a real thought, he just kept looking for arguments against it.

“So this is it, we´re really considering this?”, Harry asked harshly and I just shook my head. “I don´t know.”

“Give me your pro's and con's.”, Louis told us and Harry laughed: “Should I get you some paper and pens?”, Harry asked with pure sarcasm. “That would be nice, Love, me thanks.” “God, right now I really hate you!”, Harry said frustrated and Louis winked at me. “Oh no, we´re not on the same side, you still have to convince me as well.”, I hurried to tell him.

“Now, may we be civilized human beings for a minute?”, I asked them. “Sure.”, Louis smiled. “I need a cup of coffee. And maybe some lunch? It´s been a long night.” “Yeah, right. Shit, I totally forgot. Sorry.”, Harry mumbled and started to get the coffeemaker ready. Louis stood up and went to the stove, to heat up water for his tea, I supposed.

After the kettle was set on the plate, he looked at me and asked, if I wanted to go outside to have a cigarette.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“You´re teasing me, Olivia! You always stop at the best moments!”, I said as a compliment. “I have to keep you wanting more.”, she answered. “Do you mind, if we have little break. I need to get my head back in line.”, Olivia asked me.

“Are you not feeling okay?” “I´m fine, Love, I just need some minutes of fresh air.” “It´s not a problem at all.”, I told her and Olivia went to step outside on the porch. I chose to give them some privacy and went to the bathroom.

I did not really need a wee. I just needed a couple of minutes for myself. All I read about them, all the rumours and suspicions... Nobody ever thought about this! No one ever came up with the idea, of those people having a plural marriage! This story was gold! Pure fucking gold!

As I returned from the bathroom, Olivia was already waiting for me. “Are you alright, Dear?”, she kindly asked. “Sure, I´m sorry, you had to wait.” “No problem, Love.” She had refilled my glass and the coffee machine was brewing. “I talked to Freddie and as we thought, we can´t go through all of this on one day. I don´t want to rush, if I tell you all about it, I need to take some time, so would you agree to stay for a while?” “Of course! We have all time of the world, I just don´t want to make any circumstances for you.” “That´s very nice, Love. I appreciate it very much, but I really like having you here.” “You´re welcome!” She was such a kind, old lady, I just had to agree.

“How far do you want to go today?”, I asked her after a short break. “Until the end of the day. We had some pretty hard discussions about this whole thing.” “Okay, why don´t we continue at the break, you and Louis took?”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

We went outside and Louis took a seat at one of the chairs, while I started to walk again. He looked at me in silence and after I walked past him for about the one-hundredth time, he asked me: “Why don´t you just tell me, what you think?” “Plural marriage is illegal, what makes you think, nobody will turn us in?” “We only can tell the people we really trust. Around them, we would be able to be ourselves.” “What if someone is disgusted?” “If they're disgusted, they do have a problem with sexuality.” “Why?” “Because there's nothing wrong about a woman and a man having sex.” “But they´ll think, we´re having some kinds of orgies here...” “Do you ask a couple, no matter if hetero or anything else, about their sex life?” “No, of course not!” “So, nobody should ask about ours.” “You made a point, but they´ll think, we´re up to threesomes.” “So? It doesn´t matter what others think.” “But what if someone really yells in my face that I'm a nasty whore?” “We will protect you. You´ll get a security guard and one of us will always be around.”

Again I walked past him. “Stop it, you´re making me nervous.”, Louis huffed. “I can´t think while standing still.” “So just sit down!” “I can´t.”

Harry came out, carrying Louis´ and my mugs and one for himself. “Okay, I took the time, to really write down some pro's and con's.”, he said and sat down across the table.

I snatched the paper from his hand and started to read. This step showed me that he really started to open up about the whole thing. I hadn´t made a decision myself, but he finally took this idea into consideration.

“First: our house would really be a safe place. Our house – our rules.”, I read out loud and Harry sighed. “I´m crazy for really considering this.” “No, you´re not, Love, you´re not.”, Louis assured him. “I agree, in privacy, if everyone we trust, knows, we would be able to be free.”, I said. “Okay, so it´s definitely a pro.”, Louis said and Harry and I nodded.

“Second: about children, how do we decide who´ll be the father?” I looked at the boys and Louis chuckled softly. “We can take turns.” “So, they will be calling Olivia mum and their biological father dad and the other one will just be an uncle?”, Harry asked and I looked at Louis raising my eyebrows. “Kids in homosexual relationships have two dads, why can´t we do that as well? Dad and daddy?”, Louis suggested. “Sounds weird.”, Harry answered. “But, to be honest, it´s not the worst idea.”, I said.

“Third: Marriage? There's no way, three people can get married.”, I continued reading and answered this myself. “Only two of us can get married legally, the third will be the best man of both, so all our names will be on the certificate. And we can have a little ceremony, just with the people, who know, and make some vows. I saw a family do this on TV.” Louis smiled and turned to look at Harry. “What surnames will the kids have?”, Harry asked. “We will have to figure out, what the law says about that. But in the end, if you´re the father, you´ll be listed as the father. Cheating on a husband and getting pregnant isn´t really illegal.”, Louis explained and Harry sighed again.

“How do you think, daily life will work? Hey, Lou, I wanna fuck, let's get upstairs?”, Harry asked in sarcasm. “Oh Harry, we´re adults, why not name the facts? And you never would tell me, you wanna fuck. That´s not you.” “I´m thinking about living a lie with the two of you, so please excuse my sarcasm.”

“Do you even like me?”, I interrupted Harry. “Why should I NOT like you?” “You obviously hated me, when you saw me for the first time.” “I just thought, that my dad´s funeral wasn´t the right place to introduce his new girlfriend.” “You promised your mom, you´ll follow the plan as soon as you find a woman you´ll love. So you love me?” “I like you. I really do.” “But I talked about love. L-O-V-E.” “Since we are here, we are practically arguing all the time. We make no progress. We should start to talk to each other, about everything. How we´re going to do this, isn´t even relevant if we don´t get to like each other.”, Louis said with a yawn. “It might seem to you, that I´m confident with this, I still have doubts myself, but the idea isn´t that bad, we really should think about it.”, he continued.

“But how do we start to get to know each other? Where should we start?”, Harry asked and I sighed. “Why don´t you tell me all about your relationship?”, I asked them and Harry spoke in sarcasm again: “So, you´re here for all the nasty details?” “No. I´ll never tell anybody anything. I´ll never talk to anyone about it if we decide to go separate ways.” “How can we be sure about it?” “Give me the paper and the pen.”, I told him and when he gave it to me, I started writing down all my personal data. Name, address, phone, email, social media accounts, social security number, date of birth – all about me. “Here, you can sew me, if I talk.” I returned the paper and waited patiently while Harry read it.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Was this enough for Harry? Did he trust you from there?” “He tried.”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

Even after giving him my personal data, he still was sceptical, but he was the first one to talk.

“We met, as officially known, at the toilet at X-Factor. We got close, maybe too close, but it felt right, it felt good. It was what the both of us needed, we needed a shoulder to lean on. We had this strange connection and one day, we crossed the line. I wanted it, I needed it! I was in love, but until this one special day, I considered it to be a teen crush. Louis was sceptical and he didn´t want to sleep with me. I almost begged him. I thought, being disappointed of sex with a men, would cure my crush.” “Yeah, you just didn´t know, that I had also this little crush. That was why, you needed to beg me to do it. I wasn´t confident about having sex with you. I thought, it might make it worse.”

“And it did.”, Harry continued. “Making this experience changed nothing. We were not disgusted nor felt it like making out with a brother. It felt right.”, Louis said with a shrug. “So you kept doing it?” “Basically, yes. We acted liked the horny teenages, we actually were. We told the boys and created a safe zone around the tour bus or the hotels. They covered up for us so often, we can´t thank them enough. Zayn kept his mouth shut, even after he left us.”, Harry told. “We were having a real relationship. And somehow, only God knows, we were able to keep it secret.” “And what about this blow-job-thing-video?”, I asked and Louis laughed. “At some occasions, we failed to be discrete.” “What about all the girls? Eleanor? Taylor? Kendall?” “As everybody thought, they were just alibis.”

“How did it end?” “I think we both grew tired of hiding all day long. Faking who we were.”, Harry explained sadly and Louis went on: “And then, one night, I was frustrated about all of this shit, we had a fight and I ran off to get drunk. I ended with Briana in a hotelroom, screwing her and after I sobered up, I realised, I made a mistake. I knew immediately, Harry would never be able to forgive me. After she told me, she was pregnant, I was shocked. Somehow I was thrilled to become a dad, but on the other hand, in one way, it ruined me life. At least it made me lose the love of me life.” “So why do you think, I´m going to forgive you now?” “Harry, Love, I want to fix this! 2k16 was horrible, I tried to be strong, tried to move on, but I couldn´t. Me mum saw me getting miserable, progressing from minute to minute and so she came up with the plan.”

Harry sighed and I felt so sorry for Louis. “Everyone makes mistakes. I regretted it so badly, but I never got the chance to talk to you. That´s why I chose the funeral to come up with it. I knew, you were not going to throw me out of the church. I had no idea about Anne knowing, but I´m glad, she does.” “That´s not fair.”, Harry said weakly.  
“But you still love each other?”, I asked to be sure. “As for me, I love Harry.” Louis and I looked at Harry. “Yeah, fine, I love you too! No matter how often I told my heart to fuck off, it kept beating for you. I tried to forget you, forget all we had, but it didn´t work. I was longing for you! Every second of every day. For your touch, your voice, your eyes.”

Suddenly Harry had tears in his eyes and I felt, like I should have left them alone. But as I started to walk away, Harry stopped me.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“What did he say?” “That, if we´re really serious about this, I should stay, cause I needed to know all about it.”

Olivia set another cigarette on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading! =)


	6. What is happening to me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so, I´m back! =) I had some good ideas over the weekend, so I´ll get to it in the afternoon.

Lorraine´s POV:

“Excuse me, Olivia, but I´ve to tell you, that your story is really unusual.” “As was our life.” “I think, I already know how you decided, but there are still some details that make me really curious.” “Which are?” “How did you work it out with the sex?” Olivia chuckled lightly. “You´ll have to wait a little longer before we hit this topic.” “No problem.”, I gave her a smile and looked at my watch. “How about you tell me a little bit more about this day and then we´ll continue tomorrow? It´s not that I don´t wanna hear it, I just need to start writing immediately so I can capture it perfectly.” “Sounds great, Dear!”

“Okay, so what did you talk about after Harry stopped you from leaving?”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

I sat back down and looked at Harry curiously. “I would do anything for being with you and if it means, that we´ll have to hide and live a lie, I´ll be okay with it.”, Harry said with a sigh. “So you´re agreeing to our charade?”, Louis asked. “You´re fine with me?”, I asked. Harry said: “I´ll give it a try.” Within a second Louis was sitting in Harry's lap and his hands cupped Harry's cheeks. “I love you, I love you so much.”, he whispered and that was my signal to leave.

But as I turned away, a thought crossed my mind and I asked them: “What if you get tired of hiding again? If you get tired of faking it? What will happen with me? Do you take turns, like with kids after a divorce? Do I get one weekend with each or a whole month before I have to pack my stuff and stay with the other?” Louis got on his feet and looked at me. “If we do this, if we decide to go forward, we will have to stick to the plan forever.”, he said. “But if we´re all unhappy?”, Harry asked. “We´ll hire Nannies or Poolboy's, whatever it is we want, but we will have to live together forever.” “That´s insane!”, Harry said. “This is a commitment for a lifetime, nothing less.” “You don´t think, you´ll be in love with me forever?”, Harry asked.

Louis laughed bitterly: “I love you and that will never ever change. I do whatever is necessary to be with you. You won´t regret to trust me! I will do whatever it needs to make you happy for the rest of your life, so please, me Love, just trust me!” “Now that I´ve decided to give it a try, there comes another problem.”, Harry sighed. Louis straddled him again und placed his hands on Harry´s cheeks. “I love you and I always will! Do you think, even in the hard times, that you will love me?” Harry muttered a breathless: “Yes!”

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“I walked away to give them some privacy. Now that Harry had agreed, I needed to figure out, what I wanted.”, Olivia said and I nodded. “And what did you decide?” “It didn´t take long. When Harry was fine with trying, I was too.” “And how did they react?”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

I left the guys alone and went into the kitchen. I was starving. But there were only some cookies on the table and the fridge was empty. I took one of the cookies and helped myself to a glass of water. And for the first time since yesterday, I checked my phone. I caught up on all the news and answered the few messages I had received.

The doorbell rang and I wasn´t sure if I should open the door, but after Harry didn´t come, I went for the door. Anne was waiting outside.

I opened the door and Anne smiled at me. “Hey Love, how are you?”, she asked and I let her come in. “I´m fine, thank you. How are you doing?” “I still have to get used to being alone.” “I´m still really sorry for your loss.” “It´s okay. We made our peace and I will miss him for some time, but it´s fine.”, she said with a sad shrug.

“But let's talk about something positive! Have you made a choice?” “Harry and Louis are out in the backyard, I think, we should talk to them together.” “Sounds great.”

Louis was still sitting in Harry's lap and he didn´t get up when Anne and I joined them. “Looks good to me.”, Anne grinned. “Harry, please, I´m starving, can we order some pizza, maybe?”, I asked Harry. “Sure, I´m sorry.” Harry got his phone out and scrolled through his contacts. Anne, Louis and me told him, what we wanted and he passed it on to the delivery service.

After this was done, Louis finally sat down beside Harry and placed a hand on his tigh. “We´re trying it.”, he said relieved. “You two agreed to try.”, I said and three pairs of eyes looked at me. “So you´re not in?”, Harry asked. “I decided to give it a try as well.”  
Louis started to sob and Harry looked at him in pure awe. Anne suddenly hugged me and tears were glancing in her eyes. “Thank you so much!”, she whispered and I was overwhelmed by her.

“Now we just have to come up with a plan.”, Anne said after we calmed down a little bit. “I don´t think, we should plan too far ahead.”, Harry said. “But how should we start?”, I asked them. “First of all, you need to show unity. And if you´re out there privately, it should always be the three of you. People have to get used to the sight of all of you. Why don´t you just date? Like normal people who are starting to get to know each other.”, Anne suggested. “You mean, we should go out for dinner?” “Yeah. But always together. If one of you is seen alone, people have to ask, where the others are. You have to build an inseparable triangle. And nobody should ever know, who´s with whom. You´re used to the rumours, adding one person won´t change anything about it.” “Basically you´re right.”, Harry answered and Louis nodded: “That´s also what my mum said. I think this is the best way to deal with it.” “We still have to figure out where you will stay. Here, in Donnie, London or LA?”, Anne asked. I was totally overwhelmed. I never had been in these towns and now I should make the choice where I wanted to live.

“And we have to decide, whom we´re going to tell the truth.”, Harry said. “Hand me the paper and the pen.”, Louis told him and drew two lines. “Harry, whom would you like to tell?” “Mum and Gemma know, I have to tell Jeff and Glenne, that´s it for now.” “Okay.”, Louis noted the names. “Olivia? What about you?” “For the beginning, I just start with my Dad and my niece and my friend, Kaya.” “Okay.”, Louis answered and wrote down the names of the people, he wanted to know it. “I´m against telling your friends.”, Harry said. “But they're my friends, I can´t keep a secret big as that from them!” “I don´t like them, I don´t want them to know.”, Harry said stubbornly. “Why can´t we keep it from them for now? I think, for the moment we should just tell the closest of our families and friends. For me that means, I´ll just tell my Dad, Nika and Kaya and that´s it.”, I said and Harry started to speak: “What about your mum?” “She left us, when I was just a toddler, she ´s dead.”, I informed them. “Fine, I´ll just tell me family.”, Louis sighed.

“What about Liam and Niall? And Zayn? And their families?”, Anne asked. “Why Zayn?”, Louis asked Anne with a growl. “He's your friend after all.” “Yeah, but he doesn´t need  
to know right away.” “And we should tell Niall and Liam. They´ll get asked about it.” “And do we give them permission to tell their families?” “Maura, Karen and Geoff won´t say anything about it. They will keep your secret.”, Anne insisted. “So we tell them.”, Louis said and it was a done deal.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“And what were the reactions?”, I asked Olivia.

“Throughout all of them, they were happy. Glad that Harry and Louis finally found a solution to be together. It was obvious to all of them, that they needed to be together.” “Did you tell them on the same day?” “Nope, we waited until we figured out some more details of our living-together.”

“Is it okay for you, if we quit here?”, I asked. “Sure, it´s fine by me. I´m actually really tired.” “Do you live here right now?” “Most of the time I´m actually staying at this house. The houses in Los Angeles, Donnie, Holmes Chapel and the one in Banja Luka and this one will be divided among the kids.” “You´re already planning for the time after your death?” “Sure. Harry, Louis and I made those plans years ago. You have to be prepared when you get older. Our plans will make it easier for the kids.” “Can you tell me the kids real quick?” “Sure, Amelia was born in 2018, Lucia and Elena were born in 2020 and Emma is just one year younger than the twins.” “Thank you!”

When I got to my room after this first interview-session, I was exhausted. I still was overwhelmed by Olivia herself and her story was unbelievable!

I took a shower and then I sat down at my desk and started to write. After I was almost half through my recording, I deleted all I had written so far. It didn´t sound right. I wished, there was a way of talking to Louis and Harry, to hear what they had thought.

Olivia had said, that she wanted me to meet the whole family. Maybe the kids and grandkids were able to give me an insight on how they had been. I had no idea how I should portray them. I had watched a ton of videos on the internet, from their early days and from the time after One Direction went on their hiatus. But after all Olivia had already told me, I was very certain that I just saw their public faces. That they were totally different in private.

One name shot through my head: Zayn Malik. I went online and looked for him. And he had died. Fuck! He died a few years ago. He was honest with Olivia at the church, maybe he knew more and I wasn´t able to ask him about it! Goddamnit! I did not want to talk to Liam Payne and Niall Horan, in my opinion they were too used to lie at this topic. And I wasn´t sure that they would talk to me honestly, even if Olivia allowed it to them.

I wrote Zayn´s name into my notebook, I needed to talk to Olivia about him.

I sat there almost the whole night and after hours and hours of thinking, I came to the conclusion, that I needed to write a book. A simple newspaper article would never do justice to Olivia and her story. I took the time to write an e-mail to my chief and asked him, if he would be able to get me a book deal. I had worked for him for a long time and I had liked it. So I wanted to give him the chance to be the first, if he told me no, I would start to contact publishers on my own.

Two hours before the sunrise, I finally went to bed and to my surprise, I fell asleep before my head touched the pillow.


	7. I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a few minutes left to wait before I finally can go to sleep, so I thought, I might as well update today... =)
> 
> and I would like to invite you to read a little something, I wrote for a writing contest over on ficfun... I´ll just leave the link here, it´s just two chapters so far, so... if someone wants to read it, I would love you too! (https://www.ficfun.com/novel/1892339-When-I-met-you....html)

March 30th

Lorraine´s POV:

A light knock on my door woke me up at ten a.m. As soon as I saw the time, I panicked. I had showed terrible manners!

I jumped from the bed and opened the door. Olivia stood there with a smile and a cup of coffee. “Sorry, Dear, normally I wouldn't invade your privacy but I´ll start doing the lunch, so I thought, I might bring you a cup of coffee.” “Thank you so much and I am really, really sorry for sleeping so long!” “Don´t mind that, Child, I bet you needed some time to fall asleep yesterday.” “Actually, yeah, I had an idea and when you give me a few minutes to get dressed, I´ll come downstairs and tell you what I thought about.” “Sure, Darling, take the time you need.” She handed me the mug and left.

While I drank my coffee I looked up the children from the Styles-Tomlinson family and noted their dates of birth. I needed every inch of a head start, I could get.

When I was ready to go downstairs, I opened the door and met Freddie. “Hey Lorraine, good morning! I hope you had a great night.” “It was a little bit short, but I´m fine.” “Are you going downstairs?” “Yes, Olivia is waiting for me.” As we walked down the stairs, I took a look at the pictures on the walls. “Normally it´s a cliche to hang family pictures in the staircases, but my parents always refused to do so. Instead the walls in the bedrooms and in the living room and even those in the kitchen are plastered with photographs.” “May I ask you a question?”, I asked him. “Sure.” “By saying ´your parents´, who do you mean? You don´t have to answer if I´m being too rude.” “No, it´s fine. Actually my parents are the three of them. My actual mother died in 2021 when I was just five years old, so I don´t know it any other way. I have some very dark memories about my mother, but unfortunately I never really got to know her as I would have loved to.” “So Harry was your Dad just as Louis was?” “Yeah, there never really was much difference between us. The kids were told, who fathered them, when they were old enough, but they kept calling, or to say it better, we called them Daddy for Harry and Louis was Tata to us.” “No matter about the biology?” “Nope, there was no difference.” “That is amazing!” “Yeah, it was.”, he sighed and suddenly he seemed to be a little sad. “Are you alright?” “Yeah... Like... Even at my age, I miss my dads and although I had so many years with them, I would have loved to have them, like, forever.”

When we came to the kitchen, we heard Olivia talking. “... so I told Emma to call Daisy and ask her about this whatever it is.”

I knocked on the open door and Olivia, who was on the phone, turned to look at us.”I´m sorry to interrupt you, but I did not want to listen without your permission.” “It´s fine, Dear, just come in.”, Olivia said and I entered the kitchen with Freddie walking right after me, while she ended the call.

“Are you okay, Mum?” “Yeah, it´s fine.”, she said and offered me another cup of coffee. “It´s a really different feeling when someone is in the house. Every guest brings life to it. Sometimes I like to go to London. The house is way too big since I´m alone.” “Oh Mum, you just have to tell me, me and Charly are right around the corner.” “Yeah, but you have your life too, you don´t need to entertain me 24/7.” “But we love to spend time with you!” “I know, Dear, I know, but sometimes I just like to be alone.” Freddie just nodded and looked at me.

I opened my notebook and saw the word: “TIMELINE” almost engraved on the first page.

“No, Love, you have to eat first!”, Olivia said and pushed a plate with a piece of pie in front of me. I laughed. “I´m great at multitasking, I can eat and write at the same time. And you´ll do the talking.” “Okay. Do you have any questions so far?” “I tried to start writing it down last night, but I realised, I have no real dates. Can you give them to me?”

“Well... The funeral was at the 25th on June in 2017, I arrived in London on the previous day and we stayed about one week in Holmes Chapel. Harry didn´t want to leave, cause Robin´s birthday was coming up and he wanted to be with Anne.” “Anne... How much was she involved in your relationship?” Olivia sighed, it obviously was hard for her to talk about her mother-in-law. “Anne was always there. She might not have been present all the time, but she was there. She knew almost everything that happened between the three of us, there had never been secrets. I lost my mum when I was a toddler and my relationship with Anne felt like I had gained a mother. She was best friends with all of us. Even with the kids. Granny had an open ear and a cup of tea for everyone.” “She was very nice, very kind and a real Lady.”, Freddie added. “I think, she just dove into this project to distract herself from Robin´s death and now I wish, I had a project to focus on.”

“How much are the fathers of Louis and Harry in the picture?” “Actually, not at all. I never met Louis birth father and we found out he died, when a lawyer sent a letter, that there´s nothing to inherit. And Des... I met him a few times, but we never really talked. He didn´t like our menage a trois and he clearly showed it. At least to me. It was okay for him that Harry was gay and with Louis, but I didn´t fit in.” “And the man who adopted Louis as a child?” “I´ve met him sometimes, occasionally at the Deakin house, but he never came over to talk to me, neither did he show much interest about the kids, so I just let him be. I always thought, people who like us will come and talk to us, call, stop by or text and those people, who are not seeking any contact, I wouldn't run after them at all. Thank god, Louis and Harry accepted my choice.”

“Why don´t you tell me little bit about yourself before you came to London?”, I asked Olivia and she nodded. “I was born in Banja Luka in Bosnia and Herzegovina in 1983. As I said, my mum left when I was very young and I was raised by my dad. He was my whole world and to leave him was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.” “What did he say about your life?” “He supported me, no matter what. He was glad, I finally had found a place in life.” “Did you ever consider to bring your dad do London?” “Yeah, we did. But he didn´t want to leave Bosnia. He would have had to give up his whole existence and move to a country where he wouldn´t understand a word. And we were moving around the world, from Los Angeles, to London, Donnie and Holmes Chapel. He just wanted to stay home, like he did all of the seventy years of his life. So at least, we bought a house close to him and even if the guys were busy, I used to stay with him some weeks during the year.”

“And your dad, was he the only family you had left?” “I did have an older half-sister, but she never got along with my Dad, my mother took her from us when she left and I saw her never again. And my mother had a son before she got married to my dad and for many years, I didn´t even know about him. He died when I was about eighteen years old, that was the time, I found out about him and I went to the funeral and met his daughter, my niece. She´s my age and we started to get to know each other and became friends. She backed me up at any second.” “Are you still in touch with her?” “She died five years ago, but I still talk to her kids. She was my best friend, since I met her, and we were at least texting daily. I really miss her! She passed just a few weeks after Louis did and I was devastated.” Olivia stood up and got a tissue. “I´m really sorry for your losses! It must have been a really hard time.” “It was. To loose Louis shook us all to the very core...”

“Why don´t we continue at the beginning? I would love to stick to the timeline.”, I said and Olivia wiped her eyes.

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

We were sitting outside, had our pizzas and kept making plans. They were talking about locations and appearances, like it was totally normal but it scared me. I was new in this world, I just needed to adjust. “If you would excuse me for some minutes, I think, I really want and need to talk to my niece.” “It´s fine, dear.”, Anne said when I got up. “You´re rethinking it, right?”, Louis asked. “No, I don´t think so, I just need an opinion.”  
I went inside to get my phone and returned to the garden, but I went to the other side, so I would be able to speak freely. After lighting another cigarette, I went through my contacts. As usually Nika responded within the first three seconds. “Hey.”, she said and I could hear laughter in the background. “Am I interrupting you?” “Naaa, it´s fine, we´re just at a friend's having a garden party.” “Nika, I´m in trouble.” “What´s up?” The noises got quite, obviously she walked away from it.

“I´m in England as you know and I´m asked to be the female main character in a gay relationship.” “What the fuck?” “You understood me right. I should be the mother of their kids and their alibi for living together.” “Oh my god! Sounds scary! How will you make this work?” “I have no idea!” “And the guys, how are they?” I did not tell her that we were actually talking about Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson. She would have laughed at me!

“The one is sceptical, he just heard of the idea only yesterday, just like me and we´re both not too sure already. His mom on the other hand is fire and flame for it. Both of them are sweet and kind and they're in love.” “Yeah, but not with you.” “I´m not in love with them either. But that´s just because we don´t know each other.” “So you think, you´ll fall in love with both of them?”, she asked in disbelief. “I don´t know. That´s why I´m calling you. Do you think it´s even possible to be in love with two guys?” “Why shouldn't it be? There are guys in love with several woman.” “What would you do?”, I asked Nika desperately. “ Do you think you´ll be able to love them?” “Yeah, I mean... Like... They're nice guys and the life would be comfortable, why not? I just need to get to know them.” “And they want kids?” “Yes, both want kids.” “I mean... You wanted to be a Mum for a very, very long time and it didn´t happen... it´s a chance!” “That´s exactly what I thought. They're good looking, smart, funny, real gentleman.” “We´re not talking about you getting married within the blink of an eye, right?” “No, no, we´re not!” “So take your time, get to know them, see if you can imagine to live with them and then you should make your choice. Oh, and kiss them! If you feel nothing, you better pack your stuff and run.” I started to laugh. “That´s the best advice I can give you.”, Nika said, but she was also laughing. “So I just walk over there, sit on the first lap and just go ahead and kiss him?” “Yeah, why not?” “Because the potential mother-in-law is here.” “Uuuuuh, you should get her out of the way first.” We chatted for a few minutes and I made sure, she went to look out for my dad the next day and then I went back to sit with Harry, Louis and Anne.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Did you do what Nika told you to do?” “Yeah, after Anne had left, I told them what she had said and they agreed with her.” “So you kissed.” “Yeah, we did.” “How was it?” “At first it was awkward, cause we didn´t know how to start, but Harry was the first to try it. He just sat down beside me, looked into my eyes, put his hand on my cheek and we just kissed.” “Oh my god! Did you feel different afterwards?”, I asked Olivia and she just grinned.

“Now we got to the point, where it´s finally time to let Harry speak. After we made the deal about doing this interview, all three of us wrote down, how we felt, how it was for us to adjust with this situation. I have letters from both, Harry and Louis, mine are already destroyed, they were no longer needed, because I´m here to tell you my side.” “Have you read them?” “Yes. We sat together one night and read them out loud, so we would know, what the others had written.”

Olivia stood up and left the kitchen. “I didn´t know about those letters.”, Freddie said and looked surprised. “Why don´t we move to the living room? It would be more comfy to sit there.”, Olivia suggested, when she came back with a bunch of envelopes in her hand.

We went to the living room where Freddie sat next to the fireplace and took a book, but didn´t start reading. Olivia went to a huge, but very comfortable looking, chair and grabbed some wool and a crochet hook. I sat down on the couch next to her and waited for her to speak. “I know every word written on this pages, they got burnt into my soul, but I want you to read them, it would be too much for me.” She handed me the envelope and I looked at the number “1” written on it. Suddenly I got very nervous.

Olivia waited patiently and said, while I was opening the envelope: “I would like you to read it out loud, you can record that and after we´re done with the letter, I need to have it back, please.” “Of course.”, I answered almost silently and looked down to the paper covered in handwriting in my lap. I started my tape recorder and began to read.

Harry´s POV:

When Louis and my Mum told us about the idea, Johannah had had, I was pissed. Pissed at her, because she died, pissed because we had to hide who we were, pissed because it needed Robin to die, so we could come together again. And I was angry at Olivia. Until they told me, that she was a victim as well, I hated her. A fact, that I started to regret very soon. She did not deserve to be hated, she just tried her very best in every single moment. She never tried to get in between Louis and me, she never tried to separate us from each other. On the contrary, she mediated when we had a fight. She just kept saying: We´re a family. And it took me a long time, to refer to it as a family, but she was right.

Flashback!

Harry´s POV:

To sit down next to Olivia and place my hand on her cheek, consumed all strength I had left. I knew, Louis was staring at us, but now there was no way back. I looked in her eyes and very slow and gentle, I touched her upper lip with mine. She smiled a little and closed her eyes. Then she started to kiss me. She nibbled at my lower lip and now I had to grin. And admit to myself, that I liked it. I liked her. I forgot about Louis watching and cupped her second cheek with my free hand. She sighed and gripped my shirt with one hand. She pulled me closer and at the border of my mind, I heard Louis chuckle.  
After a few more seconds Olivia broke the kiss. She was breathing heavily, like myself, and bit her lower lip. I put my thumb on her lip and pulled it out under her teeth. Louis cleared his throat with a high volume and we both turned to look at him. “It´s me turn.”, he claimed and in the next second, he was sitting in my lap. I thought it was weird for him to sit with me, when he kisses her, but he turned and kissed me. To kiss him felt totally different, we used to kiss for hours, when we were younger, we loved it. But this was the first real kiss in a while and the touch of his lips sent sparkles through my body. As his tongue entered my mouth, it was like it used to be. Hot and arousing and if Louis wouldn´t have pulled his head back, I would still sit there and kiss him like there's no tomorrow. It felt right, it always felt right to kiss him. “What the fuck was that?”, Louis asked me and I just had to laugh. “You jump at me, kiss me and ask ME what it is about?” “Yeah, I mean, look at you, you´re flushed, you´re sweating, you´re obviously very turned on...”, he pointed to my crotch and tried to cover his own with his shirt. But I didn´t mind and put my hand on the bulge in his joggers. Now Louis bit his lower lip, while Olivia was busy looking up at the sky. Louis looked down at my hand and I grabbed the chance to nibble at his earlobe. Louis sighed and I whispered a little “Later” in his ear.

He tapped Olivia on her shoulder and she turned around. “Wanna kiss me?”, he asked and she nodded. “Only if it´s safe.”, she said grinning. “You´re not going to jump at me, right?” “Oh shut up!”, he laughed. He kept sitting on my thighs but he leaned over and rubbed the tip of his nose against hers. Olivia laughed, but she went serious again, when Louis´ lips grabbed her lower lip. He sucked it between his lips and Olivia laid her hands on his cheeks. And again she shut her eyes.

Deep down in my guts, a little fire called “jealousy” started to burn and my first intention was to snatch Louis away from her. But she was also a testobject, just like me and so I wrapped my hands around Louis´ waist and kissed the side and back of his neck. He got goosebumps and my lips got tickled by his upstanding hair. A shiver ran through his body and he stopped kissing Olivia. He looked at both of us and with a wicked grin he said: “I already like this threesome thing.” Olivia rolled her eyes and I just shook my head. But then I had an idea.

“Why don´t we go upstairs, get us some snacks and drinks, lay in bed and watch a movie?”, I asked them and Louis instantly started to nod. “Lay down sounds great.”, Olivia admitted and we helped together at cleaning the mess we had made and then we went upstairs. Olivia and Louis went to take a shower, while I started arranging my bed for the three of us. When I was done, I turned on the TV and went through the mediathek of my internet provider. I knew the stuff, Louis liked, but I had no idea about Olivia´s preferences, so I went to her bedroom and wanted to ask her.

The bedroom door was open, as was the bathroom door. It was pretty steamy inside, but while I still stood there, over thinking what to do, she wiped the mirror above the sink and I was able to see her. She had her shoulder long blond hair wrapped in a towel and with a second one, she was wiping her arms. I could see her reflection in the mirror. Her bare chest. And suddenly I wanted to touch her. See how her boops would sink into the palm of my hand. It´s been a long time since I thought about a woman like that.

Flashback off!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> those of you, who read the first try, know what´s coming next... ^^
> 
> as I said last time, I still work on my english-skills and I found a beta and I hope, she´ll be able to correct the mistakes I haven´t found. =)
> 
> love,
> 
> lily


	8. And I don't wanna fit wherever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and here we go again... enjoy!

Harry´s POV:

Louis caught me on watching Olivia. He came over to see what I was looking at und he grinned mischievously when he saw Olivia. “Made a good choice, ha?”, he asked me silently and I nodded. “Now come on, we´ll give her a little privacy.” He dragged me away from the door and I followed him.

We went to get drinks and snacks, my Mum had brought plenty of stuff, when she came by earlier. When I reached out to get a bowl from the upper shelf, Louis hugged me from behind. He placed a soft kiss between my shoulderblades and I allowed myself to enjoy his embrace more than I should probably have done.

I took his hands, lifted my shirt and placed them on my belly. “Oh my god, I missed you so much!”, Louis whispered and another kiss left his trace on my skin.

All those Years... All the time it had been him, I was longing for. I sighed and my hands laid on his. I moved our hands up on my torso. “Do we really have the chance of having a future together?”, I asked him and I felt him nodding in my back.

“I love you.”, Louis mumbled and within a second I turned around and my hands cupped his cheeks. “I love you too.”, I answered him and I had never felt it more before. Somehow we were granted this chance and if being together meant lying to the entire world, I was fine with it.

Flashback off!

Harry´s POV:

Olivia waited already for us when we returned upstairs. She grinned at us and said, that it would be a good idea to lay between us while watching the movie. We decided to watch a RomCom, which me and Olivia chose and Louis was outnumbered. “You before Me” was the one we chose.

At first we were determined not to touch each other and it really felt awkward. Louis made the first move and took Olivia´s left hand. He put it on his belly and started to caress the inner side of her forearm. He clasped their fingers together and I couldn´t stop looking at the knot made of their hands. Again I felt jealousy rise inside of me and it was Olivia who made it calm down. She turned to look at me, but my gaze kept staying at their hands. With her free hand she touched my cheek and I looked at her.

“I´m not gonna take him from you. He'll always be yours.”, she assured me and I knew, she wasn´t lying. I suddenly felt thankful, I trusted her. Her hand was still on my cheek when I leaned in to kiss her. I just followed my guts and again it felt really good. The kiss made me realise, that this plan really could work out.

For the first time in a very long time, I allowed myself to fall into a kiss. I did not suppress the feelings that were coming up. I let my brain shut down, let my hands do what they wanted to do and knowing, Louis was there the entire time, made me almost come in my pants. But he wasn´t satisfied with just watching us, Louis turned and pulled Olivia back to his chest. As soon as she was lying close to him, he started kissing her shoulder and her neck. His eyes were sparkling and his gaze was fixed on me.

“What are you doing?”, I asked him with a grin. “I don´t know, you tell me.”, he answered. “Woah guys, don´t forget, you´re not alone!”, Olivia said. “Louis is using you to make me jealous.”, I told her. “Yeah, maybe, but do NOT forget that every fire you light needs to be extinguished.”, she reminded us.

Lorraine´s POV:  
“This is actually pretty private!”, I said and put the letter back in the envelope. I handed it over to Olivia and with a sad look she caressed the “1” written on it with one finger tip. “Yeah, it is, but that is exactly what they wanted to tell, so I don´t think we should censor it.” “I will not quote the exact words, I´ll try to capture the words between the lines.” “I leave it up to you, you can quote them. But I´ll get to read it first, right?” “Yeah, of course!”, I ensured her and she put down her crochet hook.

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

I felt Louis hard in my back and his kisses made me shiver. Harry bent forward to kiss me again and as soon as he entered my mouth with his tongue, I was wax between them. Without breaking the kiss I dragged Harry closer and his body was as heated up as mine and Louis´ were.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“I´m sorry, I´m gonna leave you alone. It´s not something I really wanna hear.”, Freddie said and left us.

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

It was weird to lay between them, somehow I felt like they wanted to be alone, but I was literally was trapped by their bodies.

Suddenly Harry pulled back. “I think we should stop here.”, he muttered under his breath. “I´m just getting started.”, Louis answered and I took the break to turn and lay on my back. “I´m a bit overwhelmed actually.”, I said and looked from Harry to Louis and back. Louis showed us a wicked grin and said: “Well, why don´t you let me do the work then? And Haz, you´ll sit back and watch.”

“Watch? What the fuck? Are you nuts?”, Harry asked in disbelief. Louis went up on his knees and moved over me to kiss Harry. “Don´t you trust me?”, he asked. “C´mon Lou, it´s not a matter of trust! I´m jealous, I´m fucking jealous! I can´t watch you fucking someone else!” “So participate!” “I don´t know how! I´ve never done this!” “Me neither.”, I said dryly. “Neither have I, but we can make it work. We need to make it work!”, Louis said desperately. “Why don´t we just continue where we stopped? Just do it and don´t think?”, he asked and I looked at Harry, who clearly had more issues about this than I had. “Why can´t I just back away and let you guys have some time?”, I asked but Louis just shook his head. “We know, we´re able to have sex, we had plenty of sex, but we need to work it out with you!”

“But why already at day one? Why are you so determined to do it now?” “The first time is always delicate, the sooner we get over with it, the better it is.” I got what Louis wanted to say and actually I thought he was right! First times are always awkward, why not get it over with? I pushed Louis to the side, sat up and undressed myself completely.

“What the hell are you doing?”, Harry asked me. “Louis is right, let's get this over with.” “But... That´s ridiculous!”, Harry shouted and grabbed his hair with one hand. “You´re both insane!”

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Did you convince him?” “Louis talked to him while I went downstairs to have a cigarette. Here´s the next letter.”, Olivia answered and gave me a green envelope with the numbers one and two on it. “One is for the first letter of Louis and the second number is counting the letters.”

Very carefully I opened the envelope but before I could start to read, Olivia´s phone rang. “Excuse me, dear.” “Sure.”

“Hi Emma!”, she said and I saw her hand trembling when she held onto the back of the couch. She seemed to be strong, healthy but somehow she had lost the glow I saw on most of the pictures I had found online. Maybe the loss of the loves of her life had taken it away. Suddenly I felt really sorry for her. It must have been devastating to bury both of them. And for a second I doubted if this interview was the right thing to do.

“Oh Love, these are incredible news! Tell them how happy I am! I´ll come visit them as soon as I´ll get your brother to drive me to London! Can you send me some pictures?”

I forced myself to look away from Olivia, pretending to give her a little privacy. On the wall above the fireplace a huge picture was placed. Harry and Louis were hugging Olivia from both sides and all of them were laughing.

“I´m sorry.”, Olivia said and sat down a again. “My granddaughter Sabrina just had her baby girl.” “Oooooh, congratulations!” “Thank you! They´re naming her Nala Olivia.”, she explained and wiped a tear from her cheek. “All our great grandkids have as second name the name of one of us. The girls are all named after me and the boys after their biological great grandfather.” “What a lovely idea!” “I wish Harry and Louis would be here to see her.”, she muttered and tears started streaming down her cheeks. “They're guardian angels, they watch over you and all the kids!” “That sounds nice.”, Olivia smiled weakly.

“I can´t even imagine how much you must miss them.” “When Louis passed, Harry and I took care of each other, now that he's gone too, I´m all alone. I feel so lonely every day when I get out of bed and before I go to sleep. I pray everyday for god to take me. Without Louis and Harry, my heart is weakened and lost it´s will to live. I have to believe that one day, we´ll meet again. If I would know for certain, that I will never ever see their smiles again, I wouldn't want to go to heaven. Cause an eternity without them would be hell.” Now she really started sobbing. I grabbed a tissue box from the table and offered it to her. She nodded and hid her face behind a tissue.

“Shall I get you something? How about a glass of water?”, I asked her. “There´s some Vodka in the kitchen. Glasses are above the sink and ice is in the freezer.” “Okay.”, I smiled and stood up. “Help yourself to a drink as well and oh... Take a big glass.” I laughed and went to the kitchen. I found an exclusive selection of the finest liqueur brands. As told I picked bigger glasses and put ice cubes in. The vodka bottle was almost empty, but I saw a spare one already waiting. I poured the drinks and went back to the living room.

“Oh my, that looks amazing!”, Olivia said and obviously she had regained her demeanour. “You´re welcome.” I handed the glass over and sat back down. “Are you ready for the letter or should we skip it for now?” “No, I´m fine. This will recall funny memories, Louis´ a great writer!”

I opened the letter and took a look at his handwriting. “Um... Sorry, I don´t think, I will be able to read it. I can´t decipher his handwriting.” “It took me about two years to learn to read it.” “Would you mind reading it?” “Oh my god...”, she giggled like a schoolgirl. “Yeah, sure, why not.”, she said then I gave her the sheets.

Louis´ POV:

I scrolled through my Instagram Followers, took a look at some of them, but there was nobody I could imagine a life with. When I found Olivia, I wasn´t certain either, but I took a closer look at her. I started searching across all social media platforms and found her again and again. All her accounts were locked for strangers and I was too shy to send her a friend request. With the help of a friend, I hacked into her Facebook. And her entire world opened up to me. Her family, friends, her photos, her likes and dislikes. And some personal data. I know, it wasn´t right, but I had to be sure. I never tried to get to her bank account, but according to the pictures, she was capable of financing her own life. I spent hours looking at her funny selfies, admiring her fancy hair colors and her taste in music and movies.

But one thing got burnt into my soul. Her eyes. Her beautiful grey eyes.

As soon as she made her choice to try this out, I fell in love. She was willing to help me. Willing to give me the life I was longing for. She deserved to be loved!

Flashback!

Louis´ POV:

Olivia left the bedroom. She went back to her room to get dressed and then she went downstairs.

“What's your problem?”, I asked Harry frustrated and a little angry. “I don´t know.”, he admitted. “It just doesn´t feel right.” “Didn´t you like kissing her?” “Sure I did, but...” “C´mon Haz, forget all buts. Let´s just do it. Olivia is fine with it, as soon as we´re done with the first time, it´ll get easier. Getting so intimate with each other will increase the trust.” “But what if I can´t do it? If I can´t put it in her? And is this what it always will be like?” “You can, I know you can! You´re a young, healthy, beautiful man! Harry, I don´t know, we´ll see how it works. But I´m sure, Olivia won´t have a problem with giving us some private space. Don´t be afraid, Love.”, I said and leant forward to kiss him. At first he didn´t answer the attempt of my tongue to enter his mouth, but when I put my hands on his cheeks, he melted into my touch.

Flashback off!

Louis´ POV:

I knew, Harry loved me. Maybe even more than I loved him. He gave Olivia a chance just to please me. Thank god she was very patient, otherwise she would have dumped us before we even had a chance to develope our family.

Flashback!

Louis´ POV:

After Harry and I had kissed for about half an hour, I went up to summon Olivia.

She came back upstairs and brought some booze. “Let's just have drink, get a little courage and then we´ll just do it.”, she said and poured the clear fluid into three glasses. Each of us took a glass and after a nod we drank.

Olivia put the little tray away and dropped her bathrobe to the ground.

Reconsidering the following, she may have had more than one drink...

She got back on the bed and straddled Harry. A little grin formed on his lips and Liv took his hands into hers and put them on her shoulders. Harry bit his lower lip and his hands dropped a little, now resting with his thumbs on her collarbones.

Seeing him with her in his lap turned me on. And I had no intention to just watch them. Olivia looked at Harry and his gaze was following me actions. I just straddled him as well, behind Liv. I put my hands on her belly and starting kissing her neck and nibbling her earlobe. Olivia pushed her bum back against me and Harry´s and my hands met on her boobs.

She moaned a little and I got hard in my joggers. Olivia felt it and moved her hands backwards, to shove my pants down and free me erection. I rubbed my dick against her back and I enjoyed Harry watching.

“Let´s get him undressed.”, I whispered into Olivia´s ear and she nodded. She moved a bit forward on Harry while I pulled down his pants. I stood beside the bed for a second, just to drop me pants and discard them with the haul of clothes already lying on the floor.  
Olivia had bent forward and was kissing Harry. His dick was already leaking precum and I grabbed him and started stroking it lightly. Harry´s hands grabbed her arse and he squeezed it.

I moved up again pressed once again against Olivia´s back. “Let me know what you want. Say it out loud.”, I told them and Olivia was the first to answer: “I want you to touch me.” “Where?”, I asked and she took my hand and moved it down between her legs. But instead of moving my fingers with hers, she held my hand in place and moved her hips. Her movement caused Harry to moan and I grinned at him. “Don´t you like it, you little bastard!”, I laughed and Harry rolled his eyes at me.

From the top drawer of his nightstand, he picked a pack of condoms and while I kept pleasing Liv, he put one of them on himself.

“Ready?”, I asked her and she nodded and with my second hand, I helped Harry slipping into her. She moaned and I hugged her from behind and started to move up and down with her. Olivia grabbed my dick and bent it down, so I could feel Harry moving inside her. Then she placed her hands on his chest and turned her head for me to kiss her.

Flashback off!


	9. I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my god, guys, I am so so so sorry! I told myself yesterday all the time, that I gotta go post the update and then I just forgot and went to bed... I went to two funerals in the last seven days and I´m still so stressed out about it...
> 
> but enough with my crap! enjoy the new chapter!
> 
> lily

Flashback!

Louis´ POV:

“This is insane.”, Harry mumbled, but his moaning got louder. I directed Olivia down and forced her to stop moving. Harry opened his eyes in surprise and I laughed. “I wanna try something.”, I told them and moved away from them. “Olivia, lean forward and Harry, you lift your ass up a bit.” “Why?” “So I can put a pillow beneath it.” “Whyyyyy?” “C´mon Harold, just do it.” Olivia winked at me and bent over to kiss him. Somehow I managed to get two pillows under his butt and I got meself a condom and rolled it over me dick. While Liv started moving again, I entered with me lube slick fingers Harry´s ass to open him up.

“Louis... No... It´s just... I´ll die!”, Harry muttered and I grinned. “Trust me, Harold, you´ll survive.” I pulled me fingers back, but not without massaging his backdoor, just the way he liked it. “I won´t last any longer.”, Harry moaned and I hurried up. But right before I wanted to enter Harry, he tensed. “Stop, baby girl.”, I whispered at Olivia and she stopped. “Harry, Love, I need you to relax.” He closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. “Go.”, he said almost silently and while Olivia kissed him again, I pressed slowly inside of him. I knew the right angle, even after the long time of absence.

Harry´s fingers dug into Olivia´s hips and he sighed heavily. “`M gonna cum... I´m so close...” But then it was Olivia who climaxed first. Panting heavily, she leaned forward and rested on Harry´s chest. He hugged her tightly and with the next thrust, we both followed Olivia over the cliff.

Flashback off!

Louis´ POV:

That was our first threesome. I fought meself about writing it, but we had sex. Actually we had a lot of sex, so, why not confess to it?

Harry was concerned about the time, we actually would be able to spend together. But Liv was always in the background, when she felt, we needed it. She sort of disappeared.  
One day, Harry and I talked about it and how grateful we were for that. She never was jealous, she gave us all the time we needed. And she did so without any questions. Over the years Harry and I showed her our appreciation more than once and she thanked us with healthy, happy children.

Lorraine´s POV:

Olivia finished reading and one last tear sneaked it´s way across her cheek. But she smiled.

“Louis´ a jerk.”, she grinned and I nodded. “Even when writing, he didn´t use the “my” for himself. And his handwriting got even worse the older he got. This is ,compared to the last things he wrote, very beautiful.”

“I must admit, that I´m pretty surprised by how open he was.” “For him it´s easy, he's not sitting here talking about it.” I had no idea how to answer this, so I just nodded a little.

“Was Harry finally convinced after your little encounter? And was it really a good idea, to get over with the first time so quick?”, I asked her, after she had put the letter back in it´s envelope and lighted a cigarette.

“Harry never ever again expressed any doubts. It was a hell of an idea, after we did it, we got the chance to get closer. We trusted each other more than before. I know, they were afraid, that I might take my phone and shout out to the world what we had done, but I never lost a word. Until now.” “And Nika?” “I told her. But she was worth the trust, she never told anyone anything.”

“Did you make new friends around the guys or was it always just Nika, who had your full trust?” “Me and Gemma did get on really well, Anne too. First I was most of the time with the boys and then with the kids.” “So you never missed friends?” “Not really, no.” “How was your relationship with Liam and Niall? And Zayn?” “That´s actually a really good question. Although I saw Liam and Niall on an almost regular base, it was Zayn, who I really got along with. After Louis had dropped *Back To You* with Bebe, Li and Niall were pushed to the background by Larry once more. They were jealous. Nobody ever thought about Louis as a great singer, but with this single he made clear, that he is not as untalented as everyone wanted to believe. Zayn on the other hand was really happy for Louis. As well as for Harry. He told them several times, that they had success because they earned it. They deserved it, he said. After his split from the band, after the Twitter-fights, they got really close again.” “Has there been hostility between Niall, Liam and your family?” “No, not really. But they would have never been my choice to talk to, if I ever needed something.” “And Zayn was?” “Yeah, yeah, definitely! He never had any prejudices and he always defended us, if someone dared to say something. If it were his girlfriends, he just told them how we lived and that they have to accept it or rather stay away. We had exchanged our telephone numbers at the funeral and he kept texting me and asking if everything was alright. I do even have a tattoo, Zayn drew for me.”

“Have you been closer to Louis or to Harry?”, I asked after a moment of silence. “Oh Dear, what a question!”, Olivia laughed. “You don´t have to answer, if you don´t want to.” “I actually was expecting it and I thought about it a long time. In the beginning it was easier for me with Louis, but as soon as Harry was a hundred percent on board, it got even. I loved spending time with both of them, but also with just one. We spent nights staying awake and talking, we talked about everything and never complained about anything. Harry and I shared the love for cars, so we kept spending hours and hours on the roads and with Louis I watched sports a lot. We´d been sitting there discussing european football leagues, watching winter sports when footie was on winter break. We went to numerous stadiums around the world, watching matches at the European or the World Championship. I got to spend quality time with each of them and I cherished every second of it.” “In other polygamous families, they took turns in single dates, did you ever do that?” “No. When we ever had a date-night, it was the three of us. We went to the movies, had dinner, walks under the stars. As Anne said, we had to form an inseparable triangle and we did. And on all of the official occasions, it had always been the three of us. Louis and I accompanied Harry or Harry and I accompanied Louis, we've never let anyone do anything alone.”

“What was the first big event, you guys joined together?” “It was the *Dunkirk* movie premiere on July 13th in London.” “How was that for you?” “I was glad, Anne was with us that night. I held on to Louis´ hand for the whole time. Harry arrived first and we were forbidden to walk with him on the red carpet, so Anne, Louis and I just went there by ourselves and made a quick walk to the cinema. Louis and Anne kept looking at the people yelling their names, to take pictures, but I kept looking down to the floor, only hoping, I wouldn't trip over my own feet in front of all those people.” “How was it, to meet Christopher Nolan and Harry´s fellow cast members?” “Harry introduced them to us, it wasn´t really a big deal.” “What did he call you and Louis?” “Friends. We always referred to one another as friends. We never confirmed a relationship between any of us.”

“And after the Dunkirk premiere?” “We spent as much time together as we could. We went to Doncaster as Louis shot the Back-To-You-Video there and while he was on set, Harry and I kept walking around town, chatting all the time. This brought us as close as I felt with Louis.”

“What happened next, I mean before the movie had it´s premiere?”, I asked her and Olivia smiled: “I went back home for some days. I left London on the last day of June and came back on July 7th.” “Did you tell your dad?” “Yeah and he got really mad about it...”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

My Dad waited for me at the airport and after we just hugged each other tightly, we walked to the car.

“Nika told me, you gotta talk to me?”, he said and I sighed. “Nika is way too chatty!” “Olivia!” “Sorry, Tata. Yeah, I really need to talk to you, but I don´t think, this is the right place.” “At home?” “Sounds great.”

It was great to be back home. Life in Great Britain seemed to be much faster than it was here. Nothing had changed since I left. Somehow it was satisfying.

When we got home, I first took the time to cuddle my cats. Thor and Loki seemed to have missed me!

“You wanna talk? Talk!”, my Dad was really impatient. “The guy who made me fly to London is wanting to marry me. Or he's at least offering to marry me.” “He is offering to marry you?” “Look, there are these guys... They are young and wealthy and in love with each other and so one of them came up with the idea of having a polygamous relationship.” “You would be with two men?” “Sounds weird, I know.” “It is weird! Why should you do it? Why DO you want to do it?” “I haven't told you, that I´m going to do it.” “I know you, you´ll feel the need to help them.” “Both are real gentleman, I would have a life without worries, be secured and cared for.” “And loved?” “This is the thing, I can´t confirm YET!” “So?” “We barely know each other, even after spending some time together!” Dad lighted a cigarette. “So you´re gonna do it?” “Yeah, I think so. I really like both of them and they are very sincere young man.” “And their families?” “Still haven't met all of them, so... But they´ll defend me.”

And then, there was the ONE question! “Do you really wanna live like that?” “Oh Tata why do you have to ask this?” “I really need you to live your life the way you want to, not how a guy wants. Or in this case, how two guys want! If you´re really in it, if this is exactly what you want, then you have my full back-up.” I felt like this was the final decision. I felt like I needed to make THE choice now! I shook my head and yawned.

“It is what I want.”, I finally said. “Okay. So, how are we going to proceed?” “I need to get all the paperwork done to be able to get married.” “Married like in walking down the aisle in a white dress?” “Nope, not yet. First there's a legal wedding planned, cause they want me to be safe if something happens. It´s just a small thing. But nonetheless, I need you to be there.” “You want me to get on a plane?” “I need you to!” My Dad chuckled. “Oh come on, Tata, it really is important to me!” “To me as well, but I've never been on a plane.” “Did you never want to go abroad?” “At least not a plane.” “Nika will be there as well. She can hold your hand.” “And make fun of me for the rest of my life?”, he grinned very mischievous. Suddenly I realised, why I loved Louis´ smile so much – it reminded me of my Dad!

“Maybe I can convince Nika and Matjaz to drive to London?” “Oh my god, this would take like weeks to get there!” I took my phone and googled it. “Oh... It´s *only* nineteen hours...” “Sounds not too bad.” “No! Just get on a fucking plane!” “Don´t you use this word around me, Missy!” “Sorry Tata!”

I texted Louis and Harry, that we could proceed with the wedding and while I prepared dinner, my Dad updated me on the newest chick-chat in the neighbourhood. It felt great to be back. After we had dinner I went to see Nika.

It was amazing to see her again and I was really excited. They had put the kids in bed and Matjaz opened a bottle of wine. We sat down in their backyard and with the flame of one candle dancing, I started to tell them all about Louis and Harry. Now I finally revealed their identities. “So you´re gonna be their wife? Do I get this right?” “Yeah.” “So I won´t get only one uncle, there will be two?”, Nika grinned. “You always wanted one, so don´t you dare to complain!” Nika wanting an uncle always had been a sort of running gag between us and after I had finished talking, she nodded. “I think, it´s a good decision. They seem to be really eager and, although I don´t even know them, I think, they´ll treat you right.”, Matjaz said. “They already treat me like a queen.”

For a few minutes we went silent.

“What are the next steps in your plan?”, Nika asked. “Prepare to get married. Just on a legal base, nothing too big, but I need you there. And you've to get my dad on a plane.” “Samir and flying? Doubt that´s ever gonna happen!”, Matjaz laughed. “If you need to, bind and gag him! He has to be there!” “Have you set a date yet?” “Nope, not yet. First we need all the paperwork done. And I want you to fly to England about a week before the date, so you can get to know Harry and Louis.” “Sounds nice.”, Nika agreed and I grinned at her: “And I would love you to do my hair and makeup on the wedding day.” Nika was a trained hairstylist. “It would be an honour to me!”, she said.

It was way past midnight when I returned home and after I got ready for bed, I called the guys. After I updated them on the news, Harry caught me by surprise saying: “What do you think of September 23rd as date for the wedding?” “What day is it?” “It´s a Saturday.” “Sounds fine.” “How long will you stay home?” “Just a few more days, I need some stuff done and as soon as I´m over with it, I´ll come back.” “We miss you.”, Harry added. “Yeah, we really do!”, Louis hurried to say. “Aaaaaaaaaaw guys, I miss you too!”

Harry chuckled and said: “Lou is horny...” “Oh Harold, come on, you didn´t need to reveal this!” “He said, that once we have a house for all of us, he´s gonna set a webcam on in the bedroom.” “Yeah, I would love to! So all the three of us can have some fun! Even when we´re not together.” “You´re filthy!”, I laughed. “Admit it, you would love to watch us!”, Louis demanded. “Oh my god! Please, tell him, he´s wrong!”, Harry said in disbelief. “Actually I like the idea of watching the two of you.”, I said with a laugh. “Oh my god!”, Harry repeated! “Why? I´m just curious!” “It´s fine by me! You can watch anytime.”, Louis said. “OH MY GOD! Am I surrounded by perverts?” “C´mon Haz, don´t deny you like watching porn!” “And now you have the chance to become a pornstar yourself.”, I added. “Yeah, sure, why don´t we stream it live on the internet? ´M pretty sure, the whole world would love to see it! We can sell tickets for it and make them donate money, to be even filthier.”, Harry said in pure sarcasm and Louis and I bursted in laughter.

“We can name it the Larrvia Stylinsovic- live experience.”, Louis suggested after he quit laughing. “Aaaaaw, babe, you already thought about a ship name!”, Harry chuckled.  
I fell silent and kept watching them on the screen of my cell and while they were still talking to each other, I fell asleep.

Flashback off!


	10. I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five days fly by too fast! it´s sunday evening and I got a busy week ahead of me... and I´m already really, really tired because of the whole program... ^^
> 
> writing is momentarily the thing, I spend most of my time with... I´m working on three german AU-stories, this one here and I´m contributing to an anthology on wattpad... one of my stories already got chosen and will be published soon and the other just went online. So I´m pretty busy rn, but I´m still doing my very best...
> 
> love,  
> lily

Lorraine POV:

“What happened the next morning?” “They were still online, we were still in a video call.” “What? How?”, I asked with a grin. “I had plugged in my phone before I went to bed and they did obviously the same. Louis was sleeping when I woke up and he was snoring very unladylike and Harry was sitting in bed beside him, having breakfast.”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

“Good Morning, gorgeous!”, he said, shoving another piece of a rice cookie in his mouth. “Did you watch me all night?”, I asked half asleep. “Woke up about one and a half hours ago and it was so peaceful to watch the two of you sleeping, so I helped myself to a little breakfast.” “So?” “I tried to figure out, which one of you is snoring louder.” I just showed him my middle finger. “No need to be rude, little lady.”, Harry grinned and waved at me with a piece of cucumber. “Why don´t you get your sorry ass over here and get me some breakfast?”, I grumbled. “Sure, I´ll fly to Bosnia just to bring you something to eat. Just get YOUR sorry ass up and take your dad for a nice brunch.” “Brunch?” “It´s ten o'clock.” “Ten? What the fuck?” “You should have told me, to wake you up, I wouldn't have minded.”

“Louuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!”, I yelled and Louis woke up suddenly. “What the hell?”, he asked with his raspy morning voice. “Get Harry something to do!” “Why?” “He's annoying me.” “How can he annoy you, you´re a gazillion miles away.” “He kept watching us sleep.” “Oooooooh Harold, stop it!”, Louis buried his face in the pillow. “No, I´ll keep watching the two of you sleep like forever!” “We´ll have to ban him from the bedroom.”, Louis grinned and winked at me, after he lifted his head again.

“Ooooh oooh, careful Tomlinson! Olivia and me had a lot of fun the other day, so you shouldn't be talking about banning me! You might find my couch really comfortable.” Louis laughed: “You love me! You wouldn't be able to sleep well, when I´m not around.” “Actually it´s more comfy when you´re not around. You need way too much space and either you steal my blanket or you are trying to lay on me!” “C´mon Haz, admit it, you like it!” “I sleep naked, but after a night beside you, I´m sweating like hell!” “But not because of me sleeping habits.” Harry blushed at Louis´ answer.

Louis finally unwrapped himself from his blanket and I got a glimpse at his naked ass. “Eeeeeeew!” “What? Never seen a naked arse in the morning?” “Come back and you´ll see various other naked things in the morning.”, Harry said mischievous. Louis lifted the blanket, Harry had placed over his lap. “I see...”, he grinned and turned to look at me: “Wanna see too?” “Uuuugh, noooo! I´ve just woken up!” “Like me and I had to see it.” “No, you did not have to lift the blanket!”, Harry defended himself. “The tent was visible from a mile away! Liv did see it too, right?” Harry and I looked at Louis and he said with a shrug: “I´m Lou, he's Haz, so I thought you need a nickname as well.” “I like it.”, I said and Harry laughed. “I really like the thought of spending my life with both of you!” “Are you getting sentimental, Haz?”, I asked. “Yeah... Maybe... Maybe a little...”  
“Oh my god, you should get yourself occupied, I really need to get up now.” “´M gonna eat Harry´s arse out.”, Louis mumbled and grinned at Harry. “No, you´re not! Eeeeew! At least I´m not going to watch it!”, I told them and waited for Harry to respond. “Oh my god, you really would like him to, right?”, I asked him. “He would love me to! You gonna watch?” “Nope, gotta get up and head to the city hall.” “Your bad.”, Harry said and ended the video call.

Flashback off!

Lorraine POV:

I laughed at Olivia's memories. “Sounds like a lot of fun.” “It was. It always was fun to be with them! You should've seen us at the ceremony of our triple-wedding... Louis was just fooling around, making jokes, randomly kissing me or Harry.” “Do you have pictures?” “Yeah, I´ll look for them and show you tomorrow, if that´s alright?” “Sure!” “It got late, I should get us something to eat fixed.” “Actually I´m fine, I don´t need anything.”, I told her, cause I just didn´t want to make any circumstances.

Freddie returned and said: “Charly is expecting the two of you for dinner! She made her amazing Gulasch and we would love to welcome you in about half an hour.” Olivia sighed: “Oh dear... I love her Gulasch! It burns on both ways.” “Both ways?”, I asked. “In and out.”, she grinned

Then she turned to look at Freddie: “Sorry, Love, I have one last letter for today and then we´ll be done.” “It´s fine, as I said, we´re ready in about thirty minutes.” “Thank you, Love.” Freddie left and Olivia handed me the next envelope.

“Here´s what Harry thought about the time in Donnie.”, she said.

Harry´s POV:

Louis went to work, almost as soon as we arrived in Donnie. It was pretty early in the morning when we got there, so the first thing Olivia and I did, was getting us some breakfast. When we started off on 1D, Louis and I used to come to Donnie all the time. And he always took me to the same café for breakfast. The one, I went to with Liv.

Flashback!

Harry´s POV:

The elderly woman behind the counter remembered me and without waiting for my order, she started getting my black, strong coffee ready. “What do you want?”, I asked Olivia, who slept on the car ride and hadn't fully woken up. She grumbled something and I had to grin. Just like Louis, she wasn't a morning person. Which was something about Louis, I had always loved. When I wanted to get up and prepare breakfast, he would come closer, hug me tight and wouldn't let me go. I couldn´t sleep anymore, so I used most of the time to watch him sleep.

I gave Olivia another fifteen minutes and a cup of black coffee and a cigarette and then she finally was ready to talk and move properly and start the day.

“I think, we should gather our families to make it official.”, I said. “Ooooh... I don´t know if I´m already comfortable with this.” “Why?” “I mean, your Mum´s cool, as is your sister, I guess, but I´m afraid of Louis´ folks. Lottie and Fizzie were shooting lightning at me from their eyes.” “Louis just has to tell them to shut up and they will. They love him.” “But that doesn´t mean, they´ll love me as well.” “They don´t have to love you, all we need is acceptance. A non-hostile environment.”

“I checked his sisters on Instagram and I didn´t like what I saw.” “What do you mean?” “They keep posting pictures of the naked, youngest twins, in my opinion that´s not okay. A pedophile will see them as a festive menu. Kids at this age need protection from adults and should not be exposed like that. They can´t protect themselves. Thinking about a sick guy using them to jerk off to, makes me sick to my stomach.”, Olivia answered and I was shocked. I never thought about it this way. “Their profiles are also open, so every single person on this planet can see the pics. That´s not okay. I wouldn't share pictures of my dressed children and uploading them naked is a total no-go.” “Did you tell Louis?” “Not yet. I don´t have the feeling that I´m already in the position to criticize his family.” “I think, he would listen to you. He respects you. But in this case, let me do the talking. Knowing, we´re not okay with this, will make handling them easier for him. And I am on your side in this. I never gave it a thought, but you´re right. Babies need to be protected by adults and not get exposed by them. I´m a bit disappointed by myself, cause I never saw it like that.

We finished our breakfast and took a coffee-to-go as we left the bakery. We started walking around town. “At first, you only wanna gather the families, right?”, Liv asked me. “Yeah. And maybe Niall and Liam and Zayn, if he's in town. They can tell their folks afterwards. We don´t need to meet all of them right away.” “Sounds not too bad.”, Olivia admitted with a grin. “You should call your family and invite them over.” “I´m not sure if my dad will come. He never went on a plane before.” “Just give it a try.” “I will. But I´ll have to go home for a few days. I can´t keep living out of the suitcase anymore, I need some of my stuff. Which brings me to the next topic.” “Which is?”, I asked her curiously. “We need to find a house, or build one. Which sounds absurd when I say it, cause I won´t be able to contribute much, but if we really gonna do this, we need to start off.” “Yeah, you´re right. And we have to plan a wedding.” Olivia looked at me in surprise. “As you said, we need to start. And establishing the relationship and making it official by getting married is due. I want you and Louis be secure if something happens to me.” “Oh come on, nothing´s gonna happen to you!” “You never know!” “Don´t be ridiculous!” “I am not being ridiculous! We should keep the legal wedding pretty small, just our relatives. I mean, it´s gonna be just a paper, but we should celebrate the second wedding. The one, where the three of us will be bonded together.” “I would love to have that one out in the nature, surrounded by trees, hay bales and just casual.” “Sounds great! Thank god, you got all the paperwork done, so we finally can go on.” “But I won´t wear a white dress on that day. I´ll save that for the final wedding.” “Fine by me.”, I said and suddenly felt the need to hug her.

“You know, I really fell for you.”, I mumbled as I held her close. “Aaaaaaaaaw, just shut up!”, she laughed and for a second our lips met. I felt awkward, but from one second to the other, I wanted her. I wanted her so badly! “Do you mind if we return to Louis´ house?”, I asked her. “No, it´s fine.” We turned and started walking again.

“You know... Right now... I just would...”, I stuttered. “Yeah?” “I would love to kiss you.” “And I would like it.” “Or go even further.”, I admitted looking at my shoes. “Maybe that´s a good idea to pass the time.” “Do you think, Louis would mind?” “You know him better.” “I´ll text him.” “Why are you so eager, suddenly?” “I don´t know... I still feel a distance between you and me and maybe having some time alone will change this feeling. You´re gorgeous, I really like to feel you. Touch you. Please you. And you never came to the honour of making love with me.”, I felt my face blushing. “An honour?”, she grinned. “Yeah, an honour!”, I pouted.

As we reached Louis´ house, it started to rain. “Did he answer?”, Olivia asked me. “Yeah, he wrote, that he would love to watch.” “Oh my god, he's a little pervert!” “You, my dear, have no idea!”, I laughed and placed my vest on a chair to let it dry up.

I felt so awkward, I didn´t know how to start going. Just walk over and kiss her? Push her against the next wall and make it a quick pleasure or go upstairs and destroy a bed? It´s been a long time, since I had done this. Normally, with Louis I mean, he was the one to be offensive, he always showed and told me what he wanted. Now it was much harder.

“You know, we already had sex.”, Olivia said. “Yeah, but it was Louis, who ran the thing, now it´s just the two of us.” “So why are you standing so far away from me?”, she asked in a seducing voice. We both laughed. But I went over and stood right in front of her. “Now I´m here.” Olivia stood on her tiptoes and kissed me. I grabbed her hips and pulled her closer. Her tongue licked my lips and she bit my lower lip. “You´re holding back.”, she whispered under her breath. “What makes you think that?” “We´re still standing in the hallway.” I moved my hands under her butt and said: “Jump up.” With a laugh, Olivia did what I had told her to. “That´s better.”, she said and we started another kissing orgy.

She was a lightweight and I went for the stairs and walked upstairs. I took her to Louis´ bedroom and put her on the bed. I stood there, close to her and looked down at her.  
“Ooooh, you want me to blow you, don´t you?”, she asked and started unbuttoning my pants. “I... I´m... If you would like to...”, I muttered and felt awkward once again. Why was it so difficult with her and so easy with Louis? Why was I so nervous? I just did not want to disappoint her. I was afraid of failing.

Flashback OFF!

Lorraine´s POV:

“How could he have been afraid of failing?”, I asked Olivia in surprise. “He thought, he might not be able to sleep with me, because, actually he considered himself as gay and not bisexual. He feared, that the first sex we had, happened only because Louis was there.” “He was addressed to have had affairs, rumors say, he slept with some Victoria's Secret models.” “Kendall was the only one. All others were really just rumors.” “And how about the other women?” “Some of them are true, but he had given up on women some time before we met.” “That was what gave him the doubts?” “Yes.” “But at the time you met, rumors said, that he had something going on with Tess Ward and then with Camille Rowe.” “Rumors. Harry always had a bunch of female friends, and girls like Tess enjoyed their five minutes of fame. A fact, that Harry had driven away more than attracted him to her.” “Strange...”, I said and Olivia stood up.

“The picture of Harry in public was obviously very different than how he really was.” “It was. He never was a womanizer, at least not as much as some people wanted him to be.” “And Louis?” “Louis always had girlfriends. He wasn´t able to be alone. He couldn´t stand lying in bed alone. He always loved Harry, Eleanor and Danielle were his girlfriends and he slept with them, but he never loved them.” “Did they know?” “Yes. Both knew.” “How did they get convinced to do it?” “Eleanor was bidden a big amount of money and Danielle just showed up with him at some occasions.” “Briana?” “Just a little affair.”

“And Freddie?” “In 2017 there were rumors, that Freddie didn´t matter to Louis, but indeed, he always loved his son. Briana and her family gave him a hard time seeing the boy, but every time he visited him, he was in complete awe. Just like Harry and I were. Freddie was a little heartbreaker already at the age of eighteen months.” “How did you sell your relationship to Briana?” “I was there when he told her. He just said, that he'll cut her off the extra money she´d been given, if she talked about it. A lawyer later made a contract, to ensure her silence. Briana hasn't even been the main problem, her family was. They tried to blackmail us. We wrote a list, where all of their properties were listed and how much of Louis´ money was stuck in it. Cars, technical stuff, plastic surgeries.”

“And then they stood down?” “Only for some time, then they tried it again. And again. And again.”

“What happened when Louis told Briana about you?”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

I was sitting with Freddie on the carpet in the living room and I tried to distract him from the conversation, his parents were about to have. But in fact, I was listening to them carefully.

“You can´t do that! You can´t hop from one bed to the other!”, Briana said and her voice broke almost. “You mean, I can´t do it without hopping into yours again?”, Louis answered smugly. “If I would ever get in your panties again, I will castrate meself.”, he added and I held my breath, because I expected Briana to smack him.

“You´ll never gonna see your son again!”, she spit in his face. “No Briana, you can´t take him from me. We already had that. I´ve done nothing wrong, besides not liking you, but no judge will forbid me to see him. And don´t forget, that it´s me sorry arse, who´s paying for all your shit. Without that money transfusion you wouldn't be driving a convertible and living in a house like this.” “You have to pay! It´s alimony.” “No, not the little extra you already demanded. If you try to keep him from me, I´ll step up and discredit you at court for demanding so much money! I´ll tell the whole world, that I´ve to pay you for seeing my son! And nobody will stop me from also telling, that I paid you for sex!”, he yelled and tears welled up in Freddie´s eyes.

“But you didn´t pay me! You can´t prove it!” “Neither can you! But I can prove, that I pay you more money than I´m actually committed to! So you´ll keep your mouth shut, sign the contract my lawyer will make and you´ll get the money like you´re used to. That´s the deal.” Briana shook her head. “I´m not agreeing.” “You have to!” “I don´t! I´ll take Freddie and leave the country!” “You can´t, he doesn´t even have a passport.” “He does, I got him one.” “Yeah, and it´s with me.” “How... Why...” “You showed it to me and never took it back.”, he grinned wickedly.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Louis was a bit harsh with Briana, wasn´t he?” “Yeah, I thought that too, but in the end, everybody got what he deserved.” “But she died.” “She certainly didn´t deserve to die, of course! She gave us one hard time after another, but she was Freddie´s mother so I did my very best to get along with her. And I tried to convince Louis to do as well, but there was so much bad blood, that he just felt contempt.” “And how about Harry?” “You might not believe it, but even after eighteen month, he still was hurt about them having sex. He never would have given Briana a hard time, he was way too polite for it, but he never got close with her.” “Although Louis betrayed Eleanor with Briana, Harry was hurt?” “Yeah. He still kept loving Louis and his thing with Briana made Harry feel like Louis didn´t want him anymore. It broke his heart.”

“Did you have sex on this one particular afternoon?”, I asked her, to get back on track. “Yeah, we did. Harry did not fail.”, she answered with a grin. “And what did Louis say, when he came back?” “He was pretty curious and grinned like an idiot. He really liked the idea.”

As we went outside, Olivia explained: “I never was good at cooking, just like Louis, but Harry loved to cook! He learned this recipe from Nika and passed it on to Charly. To be honest, hers is a little bit better than Harry´s was.” “Tata wouldn't have loved you for saying that.”, Freddie said with a grin, he had waited for us on the porch.” “Tata?” “Louis. They called him whatever they wanted and Louis loved it.”

They've had set up the table in the yard before the little house, they were living in and Olivia sat down immediately and lighted a cigarette. “I really wish, you would quit it.”, Freddie said. “Oh come on, I got sooooo old already, no use of stop smoking now.” His wife came out and bought a bottle of wine and some bread rolls. “Charly, I would love you to meet Miss Hudson. She´s doing the interview.”, Olivia said and I shook Charlie's Hand. “Please, take a seat and Fred should pour you some wine.” “I will, darling, I will.”, he said and took my glass first. After he was done, he went inside to help carrying the plates out. The Gulasch was amazing and as Olivia had said, it burnt on its way in.

After dinner, we just talked. Nothing about the interview anymore, we discussed books and movies. No politics, Olivia made clear at the beginning but she started talking about TV-shows. Turned out, Olivia loved Grey´s Anatomy and Charly had seen all of the seasons as well. I had heard about this show, but I never saw it. “McDreamy really sounds like the perfect guy to marry.”, I said smiling after they exchanged some of the best anecdotes.

Half the night we spent sitting outside and at some point, we just listened to the sounds of nature. Olivia had a huge Maine Coon Cat on her lap and he was purring like crazy. When I got back to my room it was way past midnight. I just started my computer, transferred today´s recordings to it and recharged the recorder and while this was still happening, I fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don´t mean to offend anyone! I don´t earn money for writing this and it shouldn´t be a proclamation of mistakes of someone I don´t even know! if someone feels offended by this FIC, pls stop reading! it is just fiction!
> 
> sry, had to say that!
> 
> lily


	11. I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yaaaay, this f*cking week is almost over... now there´s just the weekend left and I´m looking forward to some sports filling my days... ^^

Lorraine´s POV:

On the next day, I got woken up by the laughter and screaming of little kids. It was past ten and I definitely overslept! I literally sprung out of the bed and hurried to the bathroom. After a quick shower I got dressed and went downstairs.

I ran into a woman, carrying a baby. “Hi! Nice to meet you, I´m Lorraine. Lorraine Hudson.” “Hi! I´m Amelia and it´s also nice to meet you! Mum told me a lot about you.” “Really? Unfortunately I haven't heard that much about you YET, but that will come.”, I said with a grin. “Yeah, she mentioned, that you stick to the timeline of it all. I hope she won´t tell you the terrible things, we did as teenagers...” “I´ll make sure to remind her of it.” Amelia laughed and she was Louis. She had the same crinkles around her eyes. And his smile.

“I would love you to meet my granddaughter Gina.”, she said and waved the baby´s hand at me. “Hey, babygirl, nice to meet you.”, I cooed and asked: “Can I hold her?” “Sure!” “Mum? Where´s my baby?”, another woman shouted. She came from the kitchen and I smiled at her. “You´re looking for a baby? I haven't seen one.”, I said and she laughed. “My daughter Lorelai. Lorraine is doing the interview with your Baka.” “Oh, hey! Nice to meet you!” “Why don´t we go to the kitchen? Nana is getting a cake ready.”, Amelia suggested and I just followed them, still carrying the little baby.

“ Ooh, Lorraine! You already met the girls!”, Olivia said, when I reached the kitchen. “Yeah and I´m in love.” The phone rang, but Amelia got it before Olivia could go for it. But Olivia nonetheless stood up to get me a cup of coffee. “The cake is ready in a few minutes.”, she said and Lorelai made her sit down again. Amelia ended the call and said: “Lucia is on her way here and she´s bringing Milo and Jess.”, she reported and I looked at Olivia. “Is it possible that your family loves the Gilmore girls?”, I asked. “Mom made us watch all the episodes of them, cause she wanted all of us to have this relationship with her. And we wanted it that way with our daughters as well, so it became some kind of a family tradition. We watch Gilmore girls with the girls.”, Amelia explained. “And Prison Break with the boys.”, Lorelai added with a laugh. “That was Dad´s idea, he loved this Miller-guy.” “Oh yeah, he loved him.”, Olivia added grinning.

“These are regular days in our house.”, Olivia said, after things calmed down a little bit. And she introduced the boy and the girl, who had woken me up. “James and Lynne are twins too, they're Elena´s grandkids. Elena and her husband are on a trip in the caribbean and the twins parents, Elena´s son Christian and his girlfriend, Elise, are in Holmes Chapel right now, they´re packing the personal stuff, that´s still there.” “Dad´s most teenage stuff is still in that house.”, Amelia said and Olivia nodded. “Yeah, and I need it here to check it and keep what´s important and toss the leftovers. Harry and I did it with Louis´ stuff as well. We sold all the furniture in the house and gave the money to the one, who´s going to get the house and that´s just what we´ll do with Holmes Chapel as well. And with this place. I´ll go through my things, leave what I want you to have and throw the rest out.” “Mum, don´t talk like that! You´re not dying.” “Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it is going to happen. It was a good idea to fix all the legal stuff before they died and now it´s just me left and I won´t leave this world and leave you a pile of shit. Everything will be managed and then I can die in peace and join my guys again.”, Olivia said with a sigh and all of us felt, that this was the end of the conversation.

Lorelai took the cake from the oven and placed it on a plate. “We´ll give it a few minutes to cool down.”, Olivia said and again she wanted to get up and do something, but Lorelai hushed her back. “Fine, fine, you´ll do the coffee.”, Olivia grumbled and turned to look at me. “They are all like that! All they want me to do, is sit around, put my legs up and drink just water.” “And quit smoking!”, Freddie said, entering the kitchen. He kissed Olivia first on the cheek and then his sister and Lorelai. “Good morning, Lorraine.”, he smiled at me.

We heard the door open and Lorelai went into the hallway to greet her aunt. “Here we go.”, Olivia grinned and finally stood up and started making coffee. Amelia rolled her eyes with a grin. “She just can´t sit still.”, she said and laughed. Olivia ignored her comment and two boys came storming in. Both hugged their great-grandmother and wanted to tell her something at the same time. Amelia used the uprising and walked around the counter, to mumble at me: “Be careful, Lucia is a bit sarcastic and she´s not happy about the interview.” I gave her the baby and prepared myself for Lucia.

I expected her to be a hellcat. Lucia was a bit taller than me, had black hair and stunning green eyes. And Harry´s jawline and dimples! After Amelia warned me, I was expecting Lucia to be pissed at me, but she looked sad. “Hey Mum.” “What's wrong?”, Olivia asked her horrified. “You should better sit down.” “Lucia, spit it out!”

“Auntie Kaya died last night.” “What?”, Olivia asked in disbelief and her hands clutched to her chest. “Nana, are you okay?”, Lorelai asked and wrapped an arm around Olivia. “Mum, you have to sit down.”, Lucia said and Freddie brought a chair for her.

“When? Why?”, Olivia asked after she sat down. “She had a stroke, her son found her lying beside her bed.” “Oh my God!”, Olivia started to cry. And she was panting. Amelia squat down in front of her and placed her hands on her mother's knees. “Mum, look at me... Yeah... Look at me!... You have to breathe... Slow... Inhale... Exhale...”, she told her and Olivia nodded, but she didn´t manage to calm down. “Mum, listen, if you can´t steady your breath, I have to call an ambulance.” Now Olivia shook her head in panic. “Okay, so breathe with me: In... Out... In... Out... In through your nose and out through your mouth, okay?”

Freddie opened a window and then he poured a glass of Vodka for Olivia. “Drink this.”, Amelia said after Freddie handed her the glass. Olivia, who had her eyes closed, opened them slowly again and took the glass. “How can she be dead?” “She was 92, Granny.”, Lorelai said softly. “I want to see her! I need to see her! I need to say goodbye! We talked just yesterday and she was fine! She just started a new painting!”, Olivia muttered. “As long as you´re agitated like this, you´re going nowhere!”, Lucia said sternly. “But I need to!” “No, Mum, you have to calm down! As soon as you got settled, I´ll drive you to London myself, but now you have to breathe slowly!” “Why don´t we go outside and give her a little space?”, Freddie asked and Lorelai and I nodded. We went out to the porch and Lorelai sat down with a tired sigh. “I´m afraid, she'll lose her will to live after this.”, she said and looked at Freddie.

“Me too.” “I´m sorry, shall I leave?”, I asked them worried. “No, it´s fine, just give her a little privacy.” “Sure, I´ll stay back.” “We just went to see Kaya the other day and she seemed to be fine.”, Freddie said and Charly came over. “You called? What´s up?”, she asked concerned. “Kaya died last night.”, Lorelai broke the news. “What? Oh my god! How´s Nan doing?” “Lucia and Mum are trying to calm her down.” “What about Emma and Elena?” “I should call them.”, Freddie answered. “I already texted them.”, Lorelai said. “Thanks, Love!”, Freddie smiled at her weakly.

Lucia came out and lighted a cigarette. “I thought, you quit?”, Charly asked her. “Yeah, but right now I need it!” “How´s she?” “It´s getting better. But we´ll have to drive her to London. She won´t stop until she got to see Kaya.”, Lucia answered. “Shall I drive her?”, Freddie asked his sister. “Naa, it´s fine, I´ll take her. Or do you want to see Kaya?” “No, I´m fine by saying goodbye at the funeral.” “Okay. Can I leave the boys here? Or I can get Colin to pick them up.” “No, just leave them here, we´ll take care of them.”, Lorelai said and her phone rang. “Auntie Emma, hey... Granny got really upset, but Auntie Lucia says, she´s calming down a little bit... No, no, you don´t need to come right now. It´s fine... Sam´s out of town for the week, so I can stay here. And uncle Freddie and Auntie Charly are here too... Yeah... Sure, I´ll keep you up to date... Yeah... I´ll tell her... Bye!” “Is she panicking a bit?”, Lucia asked mischievous. “Yeah, a little bit.” “Where is she anyways?” “She´s in London, Sabrina had the baby. Didn´t she call you?”, Lorelai asked Lucia. “Yeah, I got a text. Didn´t answer the phone, cause she spammed me with news on the baby.” Now I knew, what Amelia had meant previously. “She was just excited. Something she got from Tata.”, Freddie grinned. “Oh my god, don´t remind me, of how nervous he was, when Amelia had Lorelai...”, Lucia grinned. “Why? What did he do?”, Lorelai asked curiously. “Haven't they told you?”, Freddie asked in disbelief. “Nope.”

Lucia laughed and sat down beside Lorelai. “He was 45 at that time and he refused to be in the delivery room with her. Mum and John were there and Dad, Elena, Emma and me were waiting outside. We were all very excited, but Tata was horrified. He kept pacing the hallway, cursing under his breath. With every sound, that escaped from the delivery room, he got more upset. *My baby can´t be in pain... She´s way too fragile for this!... She should have a C-section...* Dad didn´t know if he should beat him, or comfort him...” “When my daughter was born, just a few weeks previously, he kept texting me, when the baby finally will be born. It felt like a live-ticker straight outta the delivery room.”, Freddie chuckled. “Every other minute, he went outside to have a cigarette-break, but within two minutes he was back and asked Dad if the baby was born. Dad just sighed and hid behind a magazine about motorcycles. Tata got even more nervous, when the midwife left the room and Amelia was alone with John and Mum. He constantly kept thinking, that right in the second she left the room, something might go terribly wrong. At one point, his cigarettes were all gone and he called Mum to come out and give him hers.”, Lucia laughed.

“I can´t imagine Deda being so nervous!”, Lorelai said with a grin and suddenly Olivia spoke. “He was a pain in the ass! And I wasn´t even there for the whole time! No wonder, Harry suddenly got interested in motorcycles.” She sat down and Lucia handed her her cigarettes and the lighter. “Thank you, Love.” “How are you, Nana?”, Lorelai asked careful. “´M okay.”, Olivia answered tired and continued: “Louis was a total wreck when Amelia was born, Harry was a pillar of strength on the other hand and I was glad, he was there. Louis cursed so much! And when the head was visible he just said: *Oh!* and fainted.”, she said with a smile. “Too bad, I would love to know, how my birth was for him.”, Freddie said and Olivia nodded: “They knew before that you´re a boy and he told me, he kept annoying your grandmother for the whole time, because he was playing with a tiny football, he had bought for you. He said, he went outside for a cigarette and kept watching Johannah through the window. She might have given him a sign, that it´s done. Johannah then took the ball from him and tried to distract him any way else.” “Was she successful?”, Amelia asked. “Nope, after about an hour she gave up. But she got him something to eat. Which didn´t do his job at well. He told me, that Johannah had said afterwards, at a certain time, she just thought about asking the nurses for some Valium.”

“Valium would have been great on the day, Lorelai was born.”, Lucia grinned. “Oh come on, he was cute!”, Amelia defended her Father. “Yeah... Really cute... If Dad were here, he would confirm Mum´s pain in the ass theory!”, Lucia laughed.

“He confirmed it.”, Olivia said and everybody looked at her. “That night, when we got back home and Louis was in the bathroom, singing out from the top of his lungs, Harry kicked his pillow around the bedroom. And he punched it. His hair was flying around, he was mumbling all the bad stuff, he wanted to happen to Louis right now. This was frightening at all, Harry would have never even hurt the pillow, but all of a sudden, he stopped. He just stood still and was breathing heavily.” “What happened next? Dad was only dangerous when he was completely still.”, Amelia said with a grin. “He closed his eyes and I took a few steps back. I had no wish to meet the pillow. Right when he seemed to calm down, Louis started singing *Singing In The Rain*. That was the overkill for Harry. He slowly closed his eyes and his hands were forming into fists. I asked him, if he was alright. But he was furious like a bull and I thought about giving him my septum piercing... *Shut him up. SHUT ... HIM ... THE ... FUCK ... UP!!!!!!!!* I laughed and went to tell Louis.”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

I opened the bathroom door and the first thing I saw – was nothing. There was so much steam. So I walked semi blind through my own bathroom. The bath mat was soaked with cool water and I reached out for the wall, that should´ve been on my left.

I turned around – not too slow, not too fast, the perfect pace and so did Louis. I screamed... He yelled... And started swearing again... “Shut up, you bloody idiot!”, I said and to my own surprise, he fell silent. “The whole day long you were annoying Harry, so shut up, be a nice man, go out there and I´ll get us a beer and we can toast on the babygirl.” “I can´t believe, that our little girl really gave birth today.” “Now you´re a double grandfather...”, I smirked at him and Louis rolled his eyes at me. “I´m not Peter Pan anymore, now I´m Captain Hook, just go and cut me hand off...”, he kidded. “But...”, I said on my way out. “But?” “You´re hot as fuck. Still! Being a grandfather suits you!” “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw, Babygirl, I love you!” He hugged me and water from his hair was slowly dripping down my neck.

Flashback off!

“And what did Dad say?”, Amelia asked. “After I had left the bathroom, soaking wet meself, he just shook his head. And he said: *This fucking little bastard, he wrapped you up with his charming self and you melted away, right?* “Nana said the bad word.”, a little girl, who came to sit with Lorelai, said. Amelia laughed and told her: “You know, Nana has the age, where it really is okay to say those words.” “But Nana is old.” “Yeah, that´s why she´s allowed to. She has seen all the possibilities of life, so she knows what she´s talking about.”

I decided to get back in the game and went over to where they were sitting. I took the chair behind them and said to the little girl: “Hey, my name is Lorraine, it´s nice to meet you.” First she was too shy to talk, but after a nod from her Grandmother, she said: “I am Joy Olivia Amelia Walsh.” “Nice to meet you, Miss Joy Olivia Amelia Walsh.” “Are you a friend of my Nana?” “Yeah, Dear, she is.”, Olivia said. “Are you still sad, Nana?”  
“Come sit with me, my Darling.”, Olivia told her and Joy jumped from Lorelais lap, just to climb up her Nana´s. “Can you remember the funeral at the beginning of the year?”, Olivia asked her and Joy nodded and then turned to look at me: “You know, my Grampy is now an angel in the sky.”, she explained and all of a sudden tears filled my eyes. “Yeah, I know that.” “He had a broken heart because my Deda died. But now, they're back together.” “He had a broken heart?”, I asked. “He loved me Deda and Nana and when Deda went to the sky, he was so sad, that his heart broke. It... Like... You know... It exploded!”, she said and everybody grinned at her explanation. “Are you sad because of Grampy, Nana?” “Yeah, a little bit, but last night my friend Kaya passed away. I knew her for more than fifty years and now she´s gone.” “But that means, she´s an angel too, right?” Nobody answered right away. “Right Nana, she´s an angel too?”

Olivia had started to cry again and the innocent question of her great-granddaughter made it even worse. “Yeah, Baby, she´s an angel now too.”, Amelia answered and lifted Joy up. “Are you going to help me at the kitchen?”, she asked her, to distract her from her Nana´s tears. “I wanna stay with Nana. She´s sad, I need to hug her.” “Auntie Lorelai and Auntie Lucia are there, they´ll hug her.” “Uncle Freddie?”, Joy asked. “Yes, my Dear?” “Will you hug Nana too?” “Right away, little Miss!” “Thank you!”

Olivia stayed silent for a while, she seemed to be stuck in her memories. She finished her cigarette and got up. “I´m going to get dressed.”, she said and Lucia nodded. “I´ll get the car.” “I´ll be down in five, Dear.”

I stayed back, I felt like this was family business. Instead I went to join Amelia and Joy in the kitchen and Lorelai followed me.

“Little Miss Joy, why don´t you tell me something about your Grandpa?”, I asked the kid. Amelia smiled at me as I went to sit with Joy at the dining table. “She´ll sing hymns on him!”, Lorelai said and went to look after the baby.

“Grampy was huge! I needed to stand on one of the barstools to kiss him.”, Joy said. “His hair was long, way longer than mine! He loved me to braid it for him! I really like braiding hair, may I braid yours?” “Sure, a little later maybe?” “Ooookay...”, she answered with a sigh.

“Grampy was sad most of the time.”, Joy continued. “Because of your Deda?” “Yeah. I never really got to know him, he went to heaven like one hundred years ago... But Grampy told me a thousand stories about him. And he always told me, that I in... in... Nanny? What's that called?”, she asked Amelia. “You inherited his blue eyes.” “Yeah, I inheratit his pretty blue eyes.”, Joy said and Amelia grinned, when her granddaughter pronounced the word wrong. “He was really pretty... Grampy, I mean... When I saw him for the first time, I thought he was a girl, because his hair was longer than Nana´s. He used to sing me to sleep. He kept singing *She´s Not Afraid* because I loved it. I really miss him. Nana once said, that he was an angel already before he left us to be with Deda.”

“Dad loved to tell us, how he met Tata. How they fell in love.”, Amelia said and Olivia came in. “Sorry, Lorraine, but I have to leave you here with me girls. I won´t be gone for a long time.” “It´s fine, take your time. But if you would prefer, I can leave, so nobody has to watch out for me.”, I offered her. “Oh no, please stay here.”, Lorelai said, coming back with Gina on her arm. “Yeah, you should stay. Emma just called that she´s on her way here, so you get another insight if you talk to Amelia and Emma.”, Olivia said and Lorelai rolled her eyes with a smirk. “I saw that, Lorelai!”, Olivia said and winked at Lorelai before she said her goodbyes and left the house.

Lorelai sat down at the table too and turned to look at her Mum. “Why don´t you tell us, what Grandpa told you about meeting Deda?”, she asked.

Flashback!

Amelia´s POV:

In 2023, when Mum was pregnant again, Dad took me to bed one night while Tata was trying to calm down Emma, who was just about six months old. Lucia and Elena were already sleeping, their bedtime was earlier than mine, because I was already a big girl as my parents told me.

He lifted the blanket and I climbed in, cuddling my toy Panda Bear. “Do you want me to tell you a story, Miss Amelia?”, he asked. “Whom did you meet first, Mum or Tata?” Dad sat down on the floor, so he could look at me. “I met your Tata first. We ran into each other in a bathroom. He walked in on me having a wee.” “Why didn´t he knock?” “I was standing at an urinal.” “What's that?” “It´s a toilet for men, it´s up on the wall so we don´t have to sit down.” “Why didn´t you lock the door?” “When men wee at a urinal there´s no door.” “But everybody can walk in on you.” “That´s why women are not allowed in a male toilet.” “But Tata took me to the guy's room at the mall the other day.” “Really? Did he?” “Yeah.” “Who needed a wee, you or him?” “Me.” “And he took you to the toilet in there?” “The door was locked.” “But you needed a wee!” “He got desperate and lifted me up to those things you talked about.” “You peed into a urinal?” “I had to.” “Oh my god, Babygirl, we´ll never let you go to the mall with Tata again.” “What would you have done?” “I would have walked you to the ladies bathroom.”, he said with a pout. “But Daddy, you´re not a Lady!” “You are definitely your Dad´s daughter.”, Dad laughed.

“Did you fall in love with Tata right away?”, I asked him to return to the original topic. “He smiled at me and said *hi*.” “What did you say?” “*Oops.*” “Is this why you write it on your arm?” “Yeah, we got it tattooed because of that.” “Tattooed?” “It´s like a painting, but it´s actually done with needles. They stitch it into the skin.” “But that hurts! Needles are really bad.” “It´s not as deep as getting a flu shot, it just pierces the upper layer of skin.” “You don´t paint your arms daily?” “Nope, it´s forever.” “You can´t wash them off?” “No.” “But what if you stop liking them?” “Well... I can get them covered or I just live with them.” “How do you cover them?” “With clothes or go to a tattoo shop and they cover it up with a different picture.” “But why would you even do it, if you might end up not liking it?” “Because it seems like a good idea in this moment.” “I want one too.”, I claimed. “So you do? What if you regret it in the morning?” “We can cover it.” “And what would it be?” “I love Mum, Dad and Tata.” “Really? That is really something you want to carry around with you like forever?” “Yeah, cause I´ll love you forever!” “Aaaaaaw, that´s really sweet of you!” “So, when can we get it done?” Dad laughed. “In about thirteen years, I would say.” “Thirteen years?” “If you still want it, I´ll take you right on the day of your eighteenth birthday.”

“But Mum got plenty of them too!” “Yeah, and she is already eighteen.” “Did you now fell for him right away?” “Yes, I did.” “And what about Tata?” “You should ask him yourself.” “Why? Don´t you know that?” “I do, but maybe he wants to tell how he felt at this moment by himself.” “So I´ll ask him.”

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Mum and Tata stood at the door the whole time. They listened to what Dad told me and when we were done, they came in to kiss me goodnight. And Tata told me, that he would never sign off for me getting a tattoo as long as he's alive.” “Did you get one?” “Yeah, when I was fifteen.”, Amelia said with a grin. “And what did they say?” “Tata didn´t talk to me for the best of one week. Dad didn´t say much, cause he wanted tattoos at a young age too, he just told me to talk to him if I wanted another one.” “And your Mum?” “She laughed.” “Why?” “Because the tattoo is terrible. It´s a red dragon right above my butt on my back and it isn´t really well done. After it healed, Mum came to me and asked me, if I was happy with it and I told her yes, I was. But I regretted it. When we talked about it later, she told me, she would have taken me to a real tattoo artist and get it redone. But my own stubbornness made me turn her down.” “Didn´t she offer again?” “Nope, we never talked about it ever again. But she also said, that I should talk to her first if I wanted another one.”

“Sounds like great parents.” “They were! They really were! After this little encounter of mine, they talked to all of us, told us, they were not getting mad if we wanted tattoos or piercings, but we should talk to them first so we could make sure to get it done properly.” “Because they had tattoos themselves and they wanted none of us to lose a limp or anything. Gran took me to get my first tattoo.”, Lorelai added. “Really?” “Yeah, I told her what I wanted and together we went to look for the right tattooer. She made me pay it myself, but she was there for me. She held my hand and when I asked the tattooer to stop because I changed my mind halfway through, she kept him going until we were done, cause she knew, I would love it.”

“She had done most her tattoos herself, cause she liked it and she was pretty good at it.”, Amelia added. “Did she do some on your Dads as well?”, I asked. “Yeah, sure. Auntie Kaya did some too. They really liked it, Mum made sure that there are no infections, that everything is sterile. Sometimes she joined a tattooer in LA to learn from him, cause she wanted to be more precise. She loved doing writings.” “Did she do one on you?” “No, none of us has one, she´s done. Dad, Tata and Mum wrote in their handwriting some things, but they were done by a professional.”

When Amelia had lunch ready, Lorelai and Joy went to look for the other kids. I decided to ask her a very delicate question...


	12. I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guys! we´re close to the end of the first act! the next chapter will be a summary of the first and then we´ll jump right into the second act, where the action begins! =) I´m looking forward to write all those ideas, to built something here!
> 
> thank you for reading! love ya!
> 
> lily

Lorraine´s POV:

“What did or do you answer, when people ask about your parents and their relationship?”

“Good question! When we started school they went to see the headmaster and talk to him about it. I don´t know what they said, but they made sure, that no questions are asked and that the various teachers back us up. We were told to talk to nobody about it, about how it really works at home. They told us, that they could get arrested for this way of life. We were afraid that one day, when we came back from school, our parents could be gone. Taken from the authorities and put in jail for a lifetime. The bigger we got, the more we understood how delicate this was, the more we started to lie about it.”, Amelia said and Lorelai shook her head.

“It´s strange, they were happy and okay with their way of living, nobody should have judged them about it!”, Lorelai said and Amelia continued: “I remember, I had a friend over when I was in third grade and Tata came home after he had been to Doncaster for a few days. Mum and Dad, or at least the guy I introduced as my *Dad* were sitting in the kitchen and my friend didn´t understand how it worked that I had two dads. She later told me, that she had asked her Mum about it and her Mum couldn´t answer that question, cause she didn´t understand how Mum fitted in the picture.” “It would have been no problem if your Mum wasn´t there?” “Yeah, but because of her presence, nobody knew what they should think about it. Were Dad and Tata a gay couple and Mum their surrogate? Or was it, as they said, she was married to Tata and betrayed him with Dad? There were so many rumours and sometimes Mum was really sad and angry about all the shit, but as soon as there was someone around, she got it back together and shrugged all of the questions and sayings off.”

“Have you ever witnessed a fight between your parents?” “No, they never fought. Tata was teasing them, giving them a hard time with his big mouth, but I never saw one of them being really mad at one of the others.” “Did they show their affections in private?” “Hell yeah! Sometimes it was embarrassing... They never made out in front of us, of course, but Tata, most of the time it was him, often had days when he just walked around the house smiling and kissing everyone on the cheek as often as he met us. When the first of us saw him on one of these days, she told the others and we stayed in our rooms most of the time. Mum always had a dishcloth around her on that days, cause the second he annoyed her, she would hit him with it. But it was never serious, they laughed about it. And I think, Tata went after her even more because of that. Just because they could share a laugh and he loved it when there was much laughter in the house.”

“Oh my god, Mum, do you remember the day I brought my first boyfriend to meet them?”, Lorelai grinned. “Don´t remind of that!”, Amelia laughed. “I was sixteen and as soon as Deda and Grandpa heard I had a boyfriend, they invited us over. I was so scared that I asked Mum to join us, cause I thought we might need a buffer.” “And you needed one!”, Amelia added. “Gran opened the door and warned us, that we might feel like at court. And she was right! We went to the kitchen and Deda and Grandpa were sitting there with crossed arms and both were looking at us. No smile came over their lips and my boyfriend, who´s name was Gabriel, almost shit his pants, as he confessed later. We sat down while Mum and Gran stood at the back, grinning like lunatics. I really hated them in that moment!” “You have no idea how amusing it was to watch!”, Amelia defended herself. “Yeah... Really amusing...”

Flashback!

Lorelai´s POV:

“So...”, Deda said and nodded. “So Gerald, where do you come from?”, he continued. “It´s Gabriel and I´m from London.” “Are you?” “Grandpa, please!”, I begged him and now a little smile formed on his lips, but as soon as Deda saw it, he went back to serious. “Okay... George...” “Deda! It´s Gabriel!” “Yeah? You know... Whatever...” “Did he touch you?”, Grandpa asked. “Define the word *touch*”, I said and Deda looked shocked. “Oh come on, I´m sixteen!” “Yeah, you are just sixteen!” “He held my hand.”, I admitted. “Not more?”, Deda asked. “C´mon Lou, if she admits more, you´ll chase him out of the country!”, Gran said.

“They're teenagers!”, Grandpa mumbled grumpy. “Yeah, what did we do as teenagers?” “That is what worries me!” “If he´s just a little bit like we were...” “Yeah, he'll get something started with a guy...”, Gran whispered to Mum. “Eeeeeeeeeeeew! Stop it!”, Deda shouted and Gran gave him a cigarette and a lighter and opened the window.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“What did you tell Gabriel about them?” “I told him not very much and of course not the truth. I wanted to get to know him better before I told him. I told him, not to question it. Just accept the way it is.” “Did he?” “Nope, he ran off right on the same day.”

“Amelia, how was it when you brought home your first boyfriend?” Amelia laughed at my question. “Boyfriend would be said a bit too much...”, she grinned. “I met John when I was eighteen, fell in love, got pregnant and married within one year, so...” “What have your parents said?” “I broke the news on them all at one time. Tata almost fainted. *Hey guys, I´m pregnant and I´m getting married right after I gave birth and yeah, I just know the guy since about six weeks...*” “Oh my god!”, even I was shocked!

“And it wasn´t only me, Lucia also got pregnant very soon. Actually she was just sixteen.” “What happened, when she gave birth? We already heard about Lorelai's birth, so how was it for your Dad when it was Lucias turn?” “He was calm, I mean, he was nervous, but he didn´t show it like Tata did. When Tata asked him what he´s doing, while we were waiting, he just said that he´s praying for Lucia and the Baby to be safe.” “Sounds like he's been easier to handle than your Tata?” “Oh yeah, he was!”, Amelia sat down with a sad sigh.

“You know, I really miss him. In our family it was like people always say, the girls were their fathers biggest admirers. Boys would have preferred Mum, but we all loved them endlessly. I mean, I don´t want to say, that I don´t love my Mum, but I always was closer to Tata. The episode in the mall was just one thing, I remember, but we had so much fun, when he took me with him. When it was just the two of us, we did the most stupid things, but it was so much fun!”

For a minute or two, Amelia was silently looking into her mug and then she started to grin. “I remember we had been on winter vacation, that´s one thing, Mum doesn´t like that much, cause she´s afraid of skiing. Tata on the other hand loved it and when we got to Austria, where they had booked a cabin for all of us, he told Mum, he´ll do the grocery shopping with me. Nobody asked us, where we would do the shopping, so Tata drove us to Salzburg, which was about three hours away and we went to the mall there. Most of the time he drove on the wrong side of the road, there were not many other cars, so it wasn´t dangerous at all, but he had a blast. Tata never cared too much about money, if there was something he wanted, he bought it. Dad was always the responsible one, and Mum, of course, but Tata just used to say, that he´ll only live once, so he´s gonna spend his money on what he wanted.” “So you got spoiled?”, Lorelai asked. “Yeah, in this afternoon, he bought a whole new skiing equipment for both of us.”

“Did they make differences between who bought what for what child?”, I asked. “Nope, never! I don´t know exactly, how they divided the monthly costs, but there was never a *I paid for this, so you´ll pay for this*- thing. Dad paid for my prom-dress. I didn´t want Tata to see it before the great evening and Mum had to go to Bosnia, so I insisted on him to take me to the store. And Tata couldn´t have cried more during the try on haul.”

Freddie and Charly came in and it looked like they had done the grocery shopping. Amelia stood up again und together with Charly and Lorelai she started to get dinner ready.

Joy, who was busy with the baby in the past hour, came to sit with me again. “May I braid your hair now?” “Sure, Miss Joy.” “Yaaaaaaaaaaay! I´m going to get a hairbrush and some ties, I´ll be right back, don´t you leave!” “No Sweetheart, I´ll wait here.”, I ensured her and she ran off.

Amelias phone rang and when she answered it, it was her second daughter, Kristin, Joy´s mother. “No, she´s an angel, like always when she´s with me.”, she told Kristin and wiggled her eyebrows at Lorelai and Charly. Then she started to grin and kept listening to Kristin. After a few minutes, Amelia started to laugh. We all looked at her, but she finished the call, before she started to explain.

“Kristins son, Dean, is twelve and apparently he´s got his first girlfriend.”, she said. “Let me guess, Kris is laughing her arse off, right? Just like Deda would have done!” “Somehow she is, but your little nephew just asked her about condoms.” “No! He didn´t!” “Yes, he did. And he asked how to use them.” “So she gave him one?” “No, she told him to buy some from his own money, if he insisted to have sex.” “Oh my god!”, Lorelai laughed. “Drew is just his age, but he doesn´t care about girls at all! He´s totally in love with his matchbox cars!”, she continued and looked at me. “Drew´s my son.” “Oh, okay.” “What did Kris do?” “She helped herself to a drink.”, Amelia said.

It got late before Olivia and Lucia returned and in the meantime, Emma arrived, but she just went upstairs to take a nap, because she had an infuriating headache.

Olivia excused herself as well, but she just took a shower and got dressed more comfy, before she insisted for Lucia, Amelia and Lorelai to go home. She told them, that Emma was there if she needed anything and Freddie and Charly were close too and she said, that she wanted to continue the interview.

After Olivia and I were alone again, she opened a bottle of sparkling wine and we went back to the living room.

Olivia sat in her chair once again and placed a blanket over her legs. “Let me tell you, it´s not funny to get old. Something hurts all the time and you´re freezing constantly.” “Maybe a warm tea would have been better than the cool stuff.”, I said with a smirk. “Touché young lady!”, she laughed.

“Where do you want to continue?” “I would love to go back to the day when I returned to England.” “Okay.”, I started the voice recorder and Olivia sighed.

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

When my plane landed in London, I was glad to escape from this box of sardines. I hated flying and I would never get used to it.

I had all the necessary paperwork in my luggage and I was ready to prepare the wedding. Although we didn´t want to make it a big deal, it needed some preparation. Harry waited for me at the gate and I was really happy to see him. I had missed him very much.

“Where´s Louis?” “He´s waiting at my house. We decided that you need to learn to drive on the left side, so I chose him to stay at home, cause he's a fucking mess when someone else is driving. Trust me, you´ll thank me for that.”, he said and I nodded. “I´m glad to be back.” “I know you are. We missed you too!”, he answered.

A security guard walked us through the airport and to the car. We needed some serious Tetris-skills to get my suitcases into the Range Rover. Harry handed me the keys and I got really, really nervous. “C´mon Babygirl, you can do it.”, he said and turned me around by my shoulder, cause I would have walked to the wrong side of the car. “See, that´s why I should not be driving here!”, I laughed but Harry didn´t give in. I adjusted the seat and the mirrors and I tried to drag the inevitable out. “Start the car.” “Do you have a good insurance?” “The best, start the car!” “Does it cover all sorts of accidents?” “Every, start the CAR!” “Okay!”, I turned the key and the engine started smoothly.

“At least it´s not an automatic...”, I sighed and put in the first gear. Or at least, I tried to put in the first. Turned out, that this wasn´t any different from what I was used to. “What sense does that make? The driver sits on the right side, you drive on the left, but for shifting, it´s the same?” “C´mon, at least you know where which gear is.” “Yeah... I really should have driven back. You know, actually I really like driving.” “Yeah?” “It´s just this huge car...” “Okay, what car are you driving?” “A sporty one.” “I need names...”, Harry grinned. “A Skoda, Octavia – sporty but classy.” “Aha...”, he grinned even more.

“Now let's go, I´m hungry and Lou´s waiting for us.” “Are you really sure?”, I asked Harry one last time and his grunt was answer enough. The car started to roll slowly and I kept anxiously checking the mirrors. “Go on, it won´t bite you.” That was the moment when I killed the engine for the first time and stuttering we stopped. “Really?”, Harry huffed and I just shrugged. “Let me get used to it, I can do it.” “Good girl!”, he grinned and that made me calm down.

The second try went better, we actually made it out to the street. Harry was really amazing, he told me soon enough, where I needed to change lanes or where to go.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“How was it to see Louis again?” “It was great. Before I left, I felt something like a flow between the three of us and when I came back, the flow was there again.” “Did you start to plan the wedding right away?” “Nope, first we made plans for the families to meet. But we decided, that this little get together would be just one week before the wedding. We decided that we knew what we wanted and that we´re going on with the plan and we didn´t want anyone to ruin it. So they would find out, when it was, at least almost, too late.”

“I did a bit of a research and found out, that Lottie and you had some very loud fights. In planes, airports or just on the streets. You criticized her. Like, a lot!” „Hell yeah! For some years we kept constantly fighting. She felt like the alpha in her family since Johannah was gone and she thought, I might try and take this from her.” “Why did she think that?” “Because I had an opinion on some things she was doing. Like this photo sharing thing of naked kids... I told her, that it wasn´t okay and she wasn´t able to accept my opinion.” “So she started the fights?” “Not always, I have to admit. There have been days, when I was just angry or frustrated about something else and when I saw Lottie on these days one simple word was enough to make me explode and she always caught the bait. I just told her my opinion once and after the first incident, I kept my mouth shut. She knew how I was thinking about it and it was on her to choose, if she wanted to accept a little help or not. She decided not to, so I decided not to interfere anymore.” “Did you ever get over it?” “Nope, we didn´t. I never held out the white flag, neither did she. I did not step in her path and she stayed away from mine.” “But you kept yelling at each other?” “That became some sort of tradition.”

“Sounds weird.” “It is, it still is weird. She still tries to stay out of my way and I still do not treat her like my best friend, but I´m the older after all, so I try to behave like a human being.”

Olivia looked at the clock on the coffee table and sighed. “I´m sorry, Lorraine, I really need some sleep. This was an exciting day and I need to calm down before I go to bed. I´ll visit Harry and Louis for a few minutes, to tell them what happened today.” “They are buried here?” “Nope, their urns are here, when I´m gone, we will be buried together!” “Oooh...” “And until I die, I sit with them and talk to them, like I used to do, when they were still alive.”

“So, have a good night and say hi to them from me.” “I will, Dear, I will!”


	13. Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life, oh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guys, we´re at the end of the first act!
> 
> todays chapter is a little summary of the first act and then we´ll continue with the second one. =)

What happened so far...

Letter written on Friday, September 15th, 2017

Olivia´s POV:

About two months ago I received the first message from Louis and look where we are now! Just eight days to go before I will officially become his wife.

The few time I had for myself, I spent talking to Nika and Kaya. I was so excited to get married and I missed them both so much! Another hour and we have to leave to pick my family up from the airport.

I´m nervous. Nervous about what my family would think about Harry and Louis. Would they like them? Would my Dad still approve my decision?

Eight days... Tomorrow we´ll have the BBQ to officially tell our families and friends, what we had planned. For the first time we would show up as lovers, as partners, as spouses.

On Monday I planned to go shopping with the girls, depending on who wanted to come, to get a nice little outfit for the wedding and just as Nika had done it, I want to wear a petticoat and a polka-dotted dress.

It was really hard to decide, if we should give this whole thing a try, Louis and Harry agree with me on this, but we didn´t regret it for one second in the last two months. We talked very much, the most time we spent all together, but I got to spend time with Harry as well as with Louis. I had something in common with both of them and we shared the love for each other. I went ahead and told them some of my secrets, stuff only Nika and Kaya knew, but I felt the need to talk to them on such a base.

I wanted to see how much I can trust them and both didn´t disappoint me. I told them all about my mental-disease and both promised me, to be there for me, whenever I needed special care cause I was struggling with my life.

I am afraid of getting pregnant. I heard and read enough about prenatal and postnatal depressions and if something is missing on my chart, it is one of those, if not both. Maybe there will be a hard time upon us, but Harry and Louis are giving me hope. Louis said, he'll be with me for twentyfour hours a day, if I need him. Harry is going on tour as soon as the wedding is over and we will join him on the road.

And we will try to make a baby. Louis is the first who will become a father, even if it´s his second turn. I always wanted kids, I still want to become a Mum, but now that it is straight ahead of me, I´m scared.

Just last night we talked about the, until now, first incident that happened at the second premiere of Dunkirk in France.

Louis and me were in the background waiting for Harry to be done and when we left the party, some *fans* waited for us and started mocking us. I had held Louis´ hand and attached myself to Harry's arm and those people started to ask, what this should be. Louis wanted to say something, but Harry stopped him in time. And he stopped us from walking further. “Wait.”, he said and I let go of him. As soon as I lost his touch, I pulled my jacket tighter around my body. Louis stood in front of me and shielded me from the looks of them.

“There is nothing for you to worry about. We´re just friends.”, Harry said calmly. “Yeah, until she sucks your dick first.”, one one the men said. “There is no need for you to be an arse.”, Harry continued. “Is he fucking your ass? Is the little princess good for his Daddy?”, the guy kept going.

There was a guy, who opened the door for us, when we left the party and this guy came to help us. And he alerted some of his colleagues. One of those men grabbed my hand and started walking. Blindly I followed him. The barkeeper, I knew him from earlier, opened a door and we entered the private area of the venue.

Somehow, and I didn´t pay attention, they managed this. I sat there, Harry right next to me and I felt that he was shaking. I thought in the first place, that he was furious but when I looked at him, I saw he was crying. I slipped from the table, on which we were sitting, and stood right in front of him. “Harry, Love.”, I whispered and he took my hands in his.

I stood before him and rested my forehead against his. “We are okay, Love, everything is fine. Give Louis a few seconds and we´ll be gone.” “Those people hate us.”, Harry said and I wiped away the tears on his cheeks. “No they don't hate us, they're just jealous.” “But they don't know what this is, how can they be jealous?” “You are successful, good looking, smart and obviously happy, so tell me how anyone can't be jealous?” “ What if they had attacked us physically?” “Nobody would attack us and if someone does, we just start running. we hold each others hands and run.” “ I love you.”, Harry whispered and I nodded. “And we love you.” I told him, speaking for Louis and myself.

And as I had predicted, a few minutes later we were able to leave. The car was waiting at the backdoor and securities were taking care of us.

Nothing of this got public and after we flew to New York for the third Dunkirk-spectacle, where nothing happened, we were back in our flow.

But it was, out of the blue, Zayn, who asked if we were alright. He texted me the next day and he was worried. I called him and we talked about the incident. Otherwise than I expected, he got really angry about it. Nika was shocked, when I told her, Zayn got really upset. I asked him, why he reacted that way and he explained: “I was there, I knew their love right from the first minute and when somebody in this world deserves to be happy, it´s Harry and Louis. They had to hide and lie and deny who they really are and now, that there's a silver lining at the horizon, people should finally shut up and accept what it is. I know, they'll never get to know the whole truth, but you guys deserve some privacy. And making inappropriate comments is everything but being respectful.”

I told Harry and Louis about the conversation I had with Zayn and both were really surprised, that Zayn was still on their side. Together we decided, that he would be invited to the wedding and the party before.

But let's get to New York:

The second night in New York was amazing! We rented a carriage and drove through the Central Park. It was romantic, which Harry and I loved, Louis on the other hand tried to fool around. But we had fun, we had so much fun! We had spent the afternoon in our hotel suite with lazy but caring sex and a lot of kissing.

Before we left the hotel for dinner, Harry said, that he really enjoys the threesomes, that he liked the way we did it. He would never do this with someone else. At that day it was the first time, that one of us stood back to watch and it was me. I pulled a chair close to the door of the balcony, which I had opened and while I watched Louis getting fucked by Harry, I had a cigarette.

I knew Louis´ was loud during sex, I had heard him, but as he got had Harry´s big dick up his arse, he was swearing and cursing.

(I know, he wrote about our first sex together and if he´s the last to live: this is my revenge! ^^)

Harry just gave me a little note and asked me to add it to my letter, so here it is:

Harry´s POV:

My life changed so much in the past two months and I´m happy to let everyone know, how happy and satisfied I am! Every morning when I wake up, I´m surrounded by my two beauties and I would never ever want to be anywhere else.

I was afraid, that one of us would be the fifth wheel, but Olivia and Louis do everything to keep it even. Sometimes it feels, like they're trying to do everything to make me happy, like I was the main character in this!

Louis started doing his own laundry! And isn´t as messy anymore as he was, when we lived together for the first time. It´s really a pleasure to be around them. I do most of the work around here, but I don´t care.

After what happened after the Dunkirk premiere, I´m just glad that we didn´t get attacked and for now, I just want to stay at home, enjoying the quality time we get. As soon as my tour starts, it will be harder again, but I´m excited, cause I´ll be touring with my two best friends in the world!

How much I love it, when they're both grumpy in the morning... Olivia gets up early, most of the time even before I wake up, but she gets coffee ready and enjoys her time out. When I get up, I´ll prepare breakfast and when I´m done, one of us gets the “pleasure” to wake Louis up. His coffee has to be ready when he sits down at the table and after about half an hour, he's at least able to grunt some answers. Olivia is by the time fully awake and sometimes they start a little banter, cause she talks too much and Louis too less. But it´s never serious, it ends with laughing and, mostly, with Louis having great mood!

The other day, I found them out in the backyard, smoking weed. I had tried it, but it never was my thing... Olivia apparently had never consumed anything, so Louis came up with the idea. I exactly knew, how Louis was, when he´s stoned and so I decided to give them a little space. When I returned, about 30 minutes later, they were having sex. Exactly what I had expected.

They were so busy, that they didn´t recognize me. I just sat there, kept watching and I ended up stroking myself. Yeah, I know, nobody will want to know that little fact, but saying, that it didn´t turn me on, would have been a lie.

First I was shocked about the idea to watch them, but now that it happened, I have to admit, that I like it. I also liked it, when Olivia backed off and watched us. I guess, there's a little voyeur inside everyone of us, even in me.

Unfortunately they were not able to finish what they had started, Olivia started giggling and she wasn´t able to stop! Louis tried to ask her, why, but she wasn´t able to answer. So I decided to take over and carefully I lifted her from Louis´ lap and took her place. Louis grinned at me and my leaking dick. Within a few moments he had fingered me open and slowly I lowered myself onto his dick. “This is not fair, I won´t last long, you´re so tight!”, he muttered with a growl. That was the point, when Olivia joined the game again. “It´s not really fair to put me on the bench, I wanna be part of this.”, she grinned and the weirdest kind of 69 I had ever seen, took place. She straddled Louis´ chest and while he pleased her, she bent over to please me. It was really weird, but I LOVED IT!

We ended up smoking weed altogether and we spent the night out on the patio, cuddling at each other. Unfortunately it started to rain when the sun started to rise. First I thought that Louis, whose head was lying on my chest, was drooling, but it was actual rain. It took me some time to get my bunnies up and send them on their way. Louis claimed, he wanted to sleep on the sofa, but I made him walk up to the bedroom.

Olivia on the other hand went to the kitchen. “What are you doing, for god´s sake?” “It´s almost time to get up, I´m not going to sleep anymore, I´ll stay up and go to bed early this evening.” I yawned and nodded. I was really tired and Louis was in bed naked, nobody would have stopped me from joining him.

She woke us at noon, having lunch ready.

I really do love these guys! And I always will!

Love, Harry xxx

Olivia´s POV:

I would love to add, that I will love them too!

This was supposed to be my turn to tell the story but it turned out, that Harry made Louis write a note as well.

Here it is:

Louis´ POV:

Only one week to go until the marriage... I´ve to admit, that I´m pretty nervous. I just would have loved to have me Mum there, it was her idea after all. And it was the best idea, she ever had! I have never been happier than I´m now!

It just feels right, everyday when I wake up, I realize, this is the place I´m supposed to be! I do not need anything else, than those two persons in me life. They keep me going, fighting and reward me with their love.

Louis  
=) xxx

Olivia´s POV:

What more can I say?

When this letter is revealed to the public, some people will be disgusted and will judge us for living this way, but it works for us. We are happy and so far, we haven't had any jealousy issues. We´re like one single person, thinking the same, standing for the same.

We know that we´re living a relationship that is illegal, but the law has no voice in this. We are happy and we won´t let anyone come inbetween us. If they arrest us, lock us away for the rest of our lives, we still will continue to love and cherish each other. And we always will be a family!

Very few people will be happy with us, celebrate the gift of live with us, but for those who are on our side, I would love to say: thank you! We appreciate your support and in the end, we all will be together again.

We love you!

Olivia xxx


	14. Baby, baby, I feel crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my... today you´ll get a sneak peek to what´s coming up in the second act. the ideas are there, I´m busy writing and I hope, you still like what comes from my crazy mind... =)
> 
> have a nice sunday everybody!

Olivia´s POV:

After Lorraine and me quit for the day, I went to pay tribute to Harry and Louis, like I told Lorraine und like I did at the end of every day.

The urns were standing at a little altar that was set up in one of the former bedrooms. I had candles around them, pictures of the guys and fresh roses. I kissed my fingers and touched the urns. Then I took a seat at the small sofa, that was standing in front of the altar.

“The interview is going well, but it hurts so much to talk about the happy times we've had. I miss you even more, when I talk about you. I don´t think, that I´ll ever be able to pay you the tribute you deserve. There's no way for me to explain, how amazing and great you were.”

I lighted the candles, one after one. “I know, we made the deal to do this interview and I can´t break the deal, but the only thing I want right now, is to join you. I don´t wanna be alone anymore, I want to be with you again. I can´t tell you, how much I miss your voices.”, I said and tears were streaming down my cheeks. Everyday I sat here and cried and prayed for my death to come.

How did Paul Edgecombe say at the end of “The Green Mile?” – Oh God, sometimes the Green Mile seems so long.

And seemed to be even longer after I had lost my will to live.

I chose *Sign Of The Times* and when the first tunes came from the speakers, I sighed and looked at the dagger, that was lying beneath the altar. It would be so easy to just take it and end my life, but for now, I had to go on. I needed to settle some things, prepare stuff and get done with the interview, then I could figure out, if I would die of a natural cause in some years, or right then by my own hand using the dagger, that scarred me years ago.

The cat, my huge Maine Coon baby, came in and he jumped up to my lap. “Yeah, I know, Jingles, you miss your Daddy as well.”, I said and he looked at me. Harry had wanted the cat and I had picked him up as a gift. After Jingles moved in with us, Harry seemed to get better. He finally seemed to be able to move on. But then the anniversary of Louis´ death came and at the end of 2070 I knew, he won´t last any longer. And I was right, he followed Louis on the next day. Three months have gone by since he passed and I still could not believe that he really was gone.

Although I loved Louis with all my heart, it was worse for Harry than for me. Like Joy had said, his heart broke the day, Louis had died. I was trying to keep going, to keep him on the line, but Harry just gave up. It took me months to get him out of bed and it was a daily fight to get him to eat. He kept listening to Louis voice on many interviews, the songs and he stared at our wedding picture for uncounted hours. On some days, I wasn´t even sure, if he was aware if he was asleep or awake, the states changed rapidly. I sat with him for most of the time, reading or crocheting, talking to him about the family news, but I rarely got an answer. And one day, out of the blue, he asked for a cat.

When Jingles walked self consciously out of the box, I used to transport him, Harry smiled. He got out of bed, fed the cat and set up the litter box. Then he took a shower, ate something and then he sat with Jingles for hours. With endless seeming patience he was playing with the little red kitten.

Suddenly he seemed to have found his voice again and he was interested in family issues. I kept doing, what I did before, but now he was responding. I was so glad, because there had been some points, when I had thought about offering him to help him commit suicide.

Whatever he did, the cat was with him. When he went to the toilet, the cat walked with him and sat on his lap, when he showered Jingles sat in front of the shower door, to wait for him. The cat ate, when he ate and they took walks outside. The kids still were worried, but I told them, that finally he was doing better. I was so sure, that Harry would want to live again, that he wanted to see our grand- and great grandkids grow up, but every year, when New Year's Eve came, it was the same like in the beginning. He stayed in bed all day and the endless crying started again.

I was desperate, I didn´t know what to do. I had numerous talks to psychiatrists, doctors, nurses, therapists, but no one could give me the hope, I would have needed.

About six month after Jingles joined our family, Harry came up with the idea of starting to breed with him. With a huge rush of energy he started looking for lady for Jingles and read everything about cat breeding. At the beginning I wasn´t happy, I thought, that it might make him worse, when the kittens would be leaving us. But within a short time, he convinced me and together we picked up Roksana, a grumpy black kitten, who was more interested in fighting with Jingles than to mate with him. But she bonded with Harry and Jingles got pushed aside. Harry was so busy with Roksana that he didn´t even notice, that Jingles started to ignore him. All of a sudden I was responsible of him, he kept following me everywhere.

Somehow Jingles made it to get her pregnant. Normally it was just teeth and claws, when they even saw each other, but somehow he managed to knock her up. And that was the beginning of the end.

It was a tough pregnancy for poor Roxy and she died after giving birth. Harry sat with her for the whole birth-process and together we took her to the vet, who only could save the kitten, but not the mother. Harry broke down when Roksana had to be put to sleep due to internal bleeding. He lost all interest in the kittens and I found someone, who was ready and able to raise them. It would have been too much for me to get up every two hours, prepare the milk and feed four kittens while I had to care about Harry too. As I had predicted, it broke my heart to see them leave, but Harry was more important.

After some time, Jingles bonded with Harry again and stopped following me around. But it seemed like Jingles was missing Roxy too, cause he spent most of the time in bed with Harry.

“You know, I have lost so many loved ones, I´m not sure, if I make it through another death.”, Harry said one day while he was still lying in bed and I was crocheting a curtain. “But you have to!” “Why? What sense does a life without Lou and you have?” “I am here and I´m still alive, but you´re avoiding me. I sit here with you day and night, watching if your chest is still rising every other second, and worrying. And you do nothing but bathing in your self-pity. I love you, always have, always will, but you need to get out of bed! You need to get back on your feet!”, I started getting angry.

This conversation happened about three months before he died.

Jingles grumbled and I knew that it was time to feed him. I blew out the candles and made my way back to the kitchen. I cleaned his plate and his milkbowl before I fetched the cat food and the milk from the fridge. I treated him with the yellow of an egg and mixed it with his milk and sat both back down on the floor. While Jingles was eating, I had another cigarette. I listened to him slurping the milk and suddenly I got reminded of my son, Jared.

I hadn´t thought about him for years, but now all the memories came back. I knew this was going to happen, at least when I got to talk about him, but it hit me with pure force. I had to hold on to the counter and my breathing got faster. Dots appeared in my sight and I had to sit down, if I wanted to avoid to fall down.

I had loved every baby from the moment, I realized, I was pregnant and I always knew it right the moment it happened. For the first and second time, I waited for confirmation by my gynecologist before I told anyone, but when I got pregnant with Emma and then with Jared, I told Harry and Louis right away, cause I was sure.

Being pregnant with Amelia was a hellride, because of the kidnapping, but it was even a better experience with the twins and Emma. I was delighted when I realized, we had another baby on the way, but as I was about to turn forty, I worried for the health of the baby. Every other day I kept calling the doctor and making appointments to see the heartbeat of our baby boy. After about six months the bad feeling got worse, I was on the edge of panic all the time and even got me a device to check the heartbeat at home. A hundred times a day, I kept scanning my belly for the noise of life.

And then the day came, when I wasn´t able to find a heartbeat.

At first Louis and Harry didn´t take me serious but the more time without the thumping of the heart went by, they began to worry too! When I went to the toilet, there was a bleeding and I started yelling in horror. Louis called an ambulance and I was brought to the hospital. I still was hoping, that my baby boy could be saved, but after a talk with the midwife it was clear, that he had died. Died in the environment, that was supposed to make him strong and healthy. Within seconds I started blaming myself. As in all the previous pregnancies, I have had one fucking cigarette once in awhile, I even was able to remember every single one of them. During the wait for Amelia, I had three, with the twins it had been two, when I was carrying Emma, I had three cigarettes and when we were expecting Jared, it had been two cigarettes. I tried to eat as healthy as I could, I avoided coffee and alcohol completely. I didn´t even drink anything with caffeine in it, only water. I did my very best, but my body decided to kill the innocent little froggy inside of me. And I really had no doubt about it being my fault.

We were out of words but we had four little girls to tell why they wouldn´t have a baby brother and Harry and Louis were not brave enough to talk to them, so I had to do it. It took all my strength to explain them what had happened, but afterwards I had a breakdown. Suddenly my personality disorder kicked back in. Over the years it had gotten better, but to deliver a dead baby threw me back big time. I felt the need to hurt myself again and normally I would have fought it off by looking at my beautiful children and my amazing husbands, but this time I gave in.

My Dad came to London as soon as he heard that something was wrong and he died one day later. He was there for me, he spoiled me like a little kid and he insisted on seeing his grandson. Harry, Louis and I took him to the funeral home and Jared was already resting in a tiny coffin. The mortician opened the coffin again for us and my Dad looked at the tiny baby and in the next moment he had a heart attack and was dead before he hit the ground.

This was too much for me and I begged Louis to take me to a psych ward, because I was afraid of doing something stupid. He refused. He was very certain, that all I needed was him, Harry and the kids. And I believed him.

But right now, in the presence, I need to calm down and go to bed. I wasn´t the agile thirty year old anymore, I needed at least eight hours of sleep at night. Because I was really upset, I took an extra med to be able to sleep and forget for some hours. The sad things were about to come in the interview and I needed my strength and courage for it.

Jingles followed me to the bedroom and waited patiently till I had finished my routine and joined him in bed. I lifted the blanket and he cuddled close to me and that´s how we fell asleep.


	15. Up all night, all night and every day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> today you´ll finally meet Olivia´s whole family! I hope you enjoy it! =)

April 2nd, 2071

Lorraine´s POV:

The last thing I had done the night before, was to copy the voice file to my computer and on the next morning I got up early and after I had a shower, I went downstairs.

Olivia and Emma were already having a cup of coffee and they invited me to sit with them.

“I´m sorry, Miss Hudson, yesterday was a busy day and I didn´t get to introduce myself properly: I´m Emma Tomlinson-Mayer. It´s nice to meet you!” “Please, call me Lorraine and it´s nice to meet you too!” Olivia wanted to get up and get me a cup of coffee, but this time I stopped her and helped myself.

“How are you today?”, I asked her carefully. “I´m fine, Dear, nothing that a good night's rest can´t fix.”, she said but I did not really believe her. And Olivia recognized it, but she shook her head so I wouldn't ask further questions while Emma was still here.

Emma was so different from her sisters. Amelia and Lucia were kidding, fooling around, making fun but Emma was definitely a businesswoman. She was serious and she kept checking her phone constantly. Somehow she made me nervous.

Finally, about an hour before noon, she excused herself because she was about to meet a client. Olivia walked her to the door and when she came back, she sighed.

“I love my kids, I really do love every single one of them, but sometimes it´s hard to be around Emma. She´s so focused and permanently working and she´s talking about stuff, that I have no clue about.”, she said and handed me some menu cards from various delivery services. “Sorry, I don´t want to cook and I´m not even sure, there´s something eatable around. How about we order something. Choose what you want, but I really can recommend the Indian restaurant.”, she said with an excuse. “It´s fine actually, I´m best friends with my delivery guy. Me and my girlfriend are ordering food at least three times a week.” “Your girlfriend?”, she asked and I laughed. “Don´t act surprised, I bet you knew before.” “I did. I´m sorry, it´s none of my business, but I was looking for someone special and to read that you´re gay felt like a sign from heaven. Times have changed so much over the past fifty years, but there are still some prejudices about gay people and I thought that someone, who's experiencing it herself, might be able to understand what we did and why we did it.” “I got denied jobs because I was open and honest about my relationship, that I got this one because of it, really makes me happy!” “Please, don´t think, that I just chose you because of this! I read many of your articles and columns. With your work you prove to be an open minded young woman and, in my opinion, you have a sight at things, that´s not very common. You ask the right questions.” “Thank you, I still feel really honoured! So, where are you going to take me today?”

“We will travel back to September 16th, 2017. The day, we made it official! Are you ready?” “Yeah, yeah, I´m excited to meet all your friends!” “So let´s start.”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

The night before the party, we picked up my family from the airport. We got there too early and while Harry was waiting calmly, Louis and I kept running around. One minute we went out for a smoking break and in the next, we needed to go to the toilet or pick something to drink. Harry disappeared behind a magazine and the only thing we heard from him, was a sigh once a while.

Then the plane landed and I almost started crying because I was so happy for them to finally be here and meet the guys. But we had to wait for about another half an hour before they came out.

My Dad looked happy! He was fucking smiling! Nika and Matjaz on the other hand looked like they wanted to strangle him! I ran there and hugged him. “How was your flight, Dad?” “It was awesome! I got to take a look at the cockpit and those nice ladies served beer! I didn´t get to finish the first one and suddenly the second one appeared!”, he told me. “As it happened with the following seven...”, Nika mumbled at my back. I turned and hugged her too. “Sorry, you had to take care of him.” “It´s fine, he´s just a little too chatty.”

Kaya came next. “I missed you so much, Honey, I really did!”, I said and she just nodded and we hugged. “It´s been way too long since we saw each other.” “Yeah, way too long!”, I assured her.

“We need to get out of the airport before we draw too much attention.”, Harry suddenly said and I realized, that there was a bunch of people watching us. Some were even filming us. “Yeah, good idea!” I said Hi to Matjaz and the kids and then we shushed everyone out of the airport and to the cars. We had come with both Range Rovers and Harry had wanted to drive the R8. We stuffed the bags and suitcases and cloth bags into the trunks and we got to leave within the next minutes. My Dad sat beside me and his hands were clawing into the seat. “Do not kill me!”, he said and I had to laugh. “I´ll do my best.”

At the first crossroads, he started yelling, cause I was driving at the wrong side. It took me a minute to calm him down and remind him of what he knew about driving in the UK.

The problem was, we needed to drive to Doncaster that night. No matter how we pushed and pulled and kicked and dragged around on our guestlist, the only place to do this properly, was Louis´ house in Donnie. Louis took the lead in Harry´s Rover and I followed him, Harry had had a head start and probably already got to Doncaster. Kaya was driving with Harry and Nika was in the car with Louis and her sons, Nikolaus and Damir. Matjaz was riding with us and after a few minutes he fell asleep in the backseat.

So my Dad and I were basically alone. “Why didn´t you let me talk to your guys?” “We needed to get out of the airport, to avoid people hearing or seeing something, they should neither hear nor see. We´re just cautious.” “Will it be like that forever?” “Yes, it would be okay for me to be with them as just their surrogate, but a relationship, like we have it, is not legal.”

“Nika showed me a TV-Show about a man and his four wives from America. They had to leave Utah and move to Las Vegas cause they were afraid of the justice.” “The Browns?” “Yeah, Kody Brown and his wives.” “Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn.” “Is their relationship like yours?” “Nope, Kody has a relationship with each one of his wives, while we are in a relationship as a triangle.” “They were afraid, they might get arrested for their relationships, could this happen to you as well?” “It´s not really legal what we´re doing, but we are very cautious, nothing will happen to us.” “How will you explain getting kids from both of them?” “That is something that´s not illegal, you won´t get arrested for cheating on your husband.” “Maybe you should prepare some emergency plans, like where would you go if they came for you, where you would hide, get a lawyer and think about what you will say in case of...”, Dad said and I thought, that this wasn´t exactly the worst idea.

We arrived in Doncaster at about midnight and dropped my folks at the Best Western Hotel.

Anne and Gemma waited for us at Louis´ house, they had monitored the preparations for the party.

“Hello, Dear, how was the drive?”, Anne asked me after a hug. “Pretty exhausting, my Dad kept asking me questions all the time. He got a little tipsy during the flight and was very chatty.” “Nika was sober and she talked like a fucking waterfall!”, Louis grinned. Harry came in and kissed Anne on her cheek. “Kaya just threatened to kill me, if I mess this up.”, he said with a shrug and I laughed. “That´s my Kaya!” “I can´t wait to meet them all!”, Anne said and we went to the kitchen. “I thought you guys might like a cold beer after the long ride.”, she said and each of us took a bottle from her. Gemma sat next to me and she seemed like she couldn´t stop smiling at me.

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?”, she asked curiously. “Yeah, I really am! Somehow I wish it was already over.” “As far as I´m concerned, everything will be fine, Darling.”, Anne said. “Zayn is also coming and he was really nice when we first met. It´s not that I want to say, that Liam and Niall were not friendly, but they were not as *happy* to see me there.” “Do they know anything so far?” “Nope, only Zayn knows. He texted me after the Dunkirk-incident.” Harry and Louis had left us to take care of the luggage.

“He heard about it?”, Anne asked. “Apparently a friend of his was there and so he got to know about it.” “He really seems to care!”, Gemma said a little surprised. “He really does care.” “After all, the judgement I had made about Zayn to myself wasn´t so wrong.”, Anne added and Gemma nodded. “His split from the band was a shock and it´s true, that there had been some bad blood but he´s a good kid after all.” Gemma said: “I never doubted him, we kept texting after the split and he really was or is sorry for leaving, but we all knew, it wasn´t his idea of a career. He always asked about the others, how they were doing and stuff. He once told me, he tried to talk to Lottie as well, but she acted like a hellcat. She gave him a hard time and saw him as the ultimate enemy.” “Why do I still not like Lottie?”, I asked them both. “It´s been a tough year for Lottie and she lost her role model, she´s still really insecure, but she´s doing her best to get in her Mum´s footprints.” “I have no doubt about her giving her best, but I´m not sure if I like the way she does it.”, I said and Anne grinned: “Harry told me about the little conversation you had about her and I have to admit, that you´re not entirely wrong, but she still is looking for the best way to manage her siblings and everyone makes mistakes. What about giving her a little bonus?” “Well... Actually... I´m not going to give her a hard time, but it´s on her to come and start to talk, I won´t approach her. I´ll keep my mouth shut and talk to no one about my opinion on this, that´s all I´m gonna do. As I said, it´s her turn. If she comes and she´s willing to talk and to listen, I´ll welcome her with open arms.” Anne smiled and hugged me again. “I´m really glad, Louis chose you!”

“I´ll talk to Lottie tomorrow, maybe we can figure out a solution that works for all of you.”, Gemma said and I nodded. “I know, how much she means to Louis so I really would love to get along with her. We never really got a chance to know each other, maybe we would get along better than expected.” “Like Zayn, she´s also a good kid.”, Anne said and Gemma laughed. “Am I a good kid, too?”, she asked her Mother and Anne started laughing as well. “You´re the best, but don´t let your brother hear that!” “I bet you tell him the same!” Anne just shrugged and kept laughing.

Anne and Gemma shared a room for the rest of the night and Harry, Louis and I went to bed as soon as we were sure, that everything was ready for the new day.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“I´m thrilled to hear all about the party!”, I told Olivia. “Trust me, this will be a pretty long return to the past! So much happened that day and I´m not even sure if I witnessed all and I remember all of it right.” “Okay, just tell me what you can remember, maybe some details will come back while you talk.” “I´m sure they will!” “How did you start the big day?” “Actually Louis wrote the next letter about the beginning of the day.”, Olivia said and opened the next envelope. “I think, I´ll read it, it´s also handwritten.” “Yeah, please.”, I begged her with a smile.

Louis´ POV:

We just got to sleep for about five hours on the day of the great family gathering. Harry and Olivia had gotten up early and it was Liv who came to wake me up. She handed me a cup of coffee and told me, they were waiting for me in the kitchen. I got dressed and went downstairs.

Flashback!

“Oh there you are, Love, we've been waiting for you!”, Anne said. “Should have woken me up earlier.” “We did, Dear, we did.”, she said with a sigh. “I´ll have one cigarette and then I´ll do whatever you want me to, alright?” “Sure, Olivia is already outside.” “Thanks, Anne... You know... For everything.” “It´s alright, Love, I just want to see you happy.” “I am happy, I´m really happy.”, I told her and she nodded with tears welling up in her eyes. “I just wish your Mum would be here to celebrate with us.” “She is here, she´s the angel who´s holding her hand above us, she watches us all the time.” “Now leave before you make me cry!”, Anne laughed and I left her to join me beautiful bride-to-be.

Olivia was standing there, looking at the catering staff. “Hey.”, I said and kissed her on the cheek. Then I took a seat and as soon as me bum touched the chair, she came to sit on me lap and snuggle close. I wrapped me arms around her and after some moments, she seemed to have fallen asleep.

Harry came back, carrying some bags from the bakery. He had picked up the ordered stuff for the breakfast with Olivia´s family. “Hey Babe.”, he grinned and yawned. He bent down to kiss me and sat on the chair next to us. “We got us a little sleeping beauty.”, I whispered to him. Carefully he wiped her hair from her forehead. “Yeah, a real beauty.”, he answered. “Who´s gonna wake her?”, I asked him. “She´s in your lap, so she´s your problem.”, Harry grinned and went inside.

I finished me cigarette and shuffled warily. Olivia opened her eyes and looked at me. “You´re an ass.”, she murmured and nuzzled her face to me chest. “We have to get going, your folks will arrive soon.” “`m just wanna go to bed...” “Maybe you can take a nap, we should ask Anne and Harry.” “Alright.” “But you have to get up now.” “In a minute.” “Olivia, get on your feet.” “Nope.” “I´ll dump you on the ground.” “You don´t dare to do that.” Olivia finally got on her feet and went inside.

I took some deep breaths before I followed her. There was a hellride in front of us and I had no idea about how it would go.

Olivia´s Dad, Nika and her husband, the kids and Kaya came at ten, so we could have brunch and bonding time before the circus started.

Olivia opened the door for her Dad and he came in, looking around, looking at Harry and me and walked around the living room for a little bit. Olivia, Nika and Kaya watched him with big grins on their faces.

“So...”, he said and walked straight at Harry and me. “Everybody here knows why we are here?” “Yes, Mister Muratovic, we do know.”, Anne answered politely. “And you approve it?” “Yes, I do. With all my heart. Your amazing, beautiful daughter is the angel Louis and I kept praying for.” Anne stepped forward. “You did an amazing job raising her to the strong and confident woman she is now.” Tears had welled up in his eyes.

“Tata, don´t be so hard on them. Both are very decent young men, they love me and I love them, I swear. This works for us.” “I would have loved to hear this from them.”, he grumbled. Olivia took his hand and walked with him over to where Harry, Anne, Gemma and I were standing. Olivia introduced us to everyone properly and as soon as the formal part was over, Nikas oldest son, Nikolaus, asked me, with a little help in translation, if he might go outside to the backyard and play footie. I went down on one knee and smiled at him. “May I join you?” Olivia translated for me and Nikolaus looked at me, smiled and said: “Da!” Then he turned around and walked through the living room and out to the yard. “Da?” “Means yes.”, Olivia grinned and I nodded.

Matjaz and I kicked with the kids for a while and it was really funny. Matjaz told me, he´s a huge fan of Zeljeznicar Sarajevo and Barca. I just shook me head, for me it´s ManU and always ManU. And maybe the Donnie Rovers... It was so much fun to play with the kids and I caught meself thinking about Freddie and how it would be to play footie with him.

Nika and Olivia walked towards us and Damir ran off to jump into Olivia´s arms. He laughed loudly as she tried to place kisses all over his face. “You should get inside, Harry is close to an anxiety attack.”, Nika said and lighted a cigarette. “Why?”, I asked her. “Samir is giving him a hard time. He doubts Harry's honorable intentions.” “Oh my... So I´ll go and save his sorry ass.”, I said with a sigh and walked back inside.

Flashback off!


	16. I gave you something, but you gave me nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yaaaaay, I managed to upload the new chapter before going to work... ^^ hope you enjoy it!

Louis´ POV:

Flashback!

When I walked into the kitchen Harry sighed relieved. “Maybe you can discuss this with Louis rather than me? At least it was his Mum´s idea.” “Yeah? Sit down, boy.”, Samir told me and I sat down beside him. Harry mouthed *Thank you* and I nodded.

“What are you planning in order to make my daughter happy?”, Samir asked me. “Well... We´ll try to find a house, that´s big enough for us all, as soon as possible.” “Will you have two separate households?” “Why should we do that?”, I asked and Harry answered: “He saw that on TV. Apparently there's a polygamous family in America and they had one house for three wives and each one of them had her own kitchen and stuff.” “No, we won´t have two households. Olivia isn´t into cooking, neither am I, so we would be starving to death, that´s why we stick to Harry.” “Olivia can cook.”, he defended his daughter. “Yeah, but she doesn´t like it and Harry does.” “How will it work when you get kids?” “We´ll raise them together.” “With two Daddies?” “Yeah, why not?”, I asked him. “When a kid yells for it´s Dad, you´ll come both running?” “Maybe we should address ourselves not both as Dad.”, Harry answered.

It didn´t matter now, but it seemed to be important to Samir, so I nodded. “In Bosnia, it´s Tata, right?”, I asked Samir. “Yeah.” “So one of us will be Dad and the other will be Tata.”, I said and Anne let out a little sob. Harry put an arm around her shoulders and she sighed. “I can´t believe it´s actually happening!”, she said. “Neither can I.”, Samir added and stood up to leave the kitchen.

Kaya took his seat instead. “He´s just a little unsure if this really is the best for Olivia.”, she said and Harry and I nodded. “Trust me, we´ll take really good care of her, she won´t miss a thing.”, I assured her. “I know, I watched you closely before. I saw the way both of you are looking at her. You´re thankful, it´s obvious. But you already care for her, right?” I looked at Harry and we both started grinning like fools. “Yeah, she´s our princess.”, I answered for both of us.

“Queen would have sounded better.”, Gemma added and she and Kaya started laughing. “C'mon that´s not fair, we already treat her like a queen!”, I grinned. “Did you propose to her?” “What?”, Harry and I asked shocked. “Did you get down on one knee, ask her to marry you and give her a ring?”, Kaya added. “Holy Crap!”, I yelped. “You forgot to propose?”, Anne asked. “No, not really, but we were planning an official proposal for the second wedding, we didn´t think about the legal one. Did she say something to you?”, Harry asked Kaya. “I asked her a few days ago and she told me, that she didn´t even think about it yet. For her, this isn´t really a wedding-wedding, it's a business arrangement.” “Business?”, Harry echoed. “You refer to it as the *legal wedding*, it´s just to tie the knot, to keep her secure in case of an emergency.” “Yeah.”, I answered and Kaya nodded. “Just make sure that the real proposal is stunning! You have to leave her breathless!”

“We´re such idiots!”, Harry shouted desperately. “There´s some time left, you could go and buy a ring now.”, Anne suggested. “Yeah... We could...”, I said and looked at Harry.”If she´s wearing a ring when the others come, it´ll look like you want it to look, like it's a done deal.” “It's A done deal!”, Harry said. “Kaya, would you like to go with Harry and buy a ring? I´ll stay here to cover you up. I´ll tell them, that you forgot something at the hotel.” “Why should I go?”, Harry asked. “You´ve got a better taste than me.” “That´s true.”

Kaya and Harry left after I told them exactly where they would find a Jeweler.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“They really didn´t think about proposing?”, I asked Olivia after she had put Louis´ letter back in it´s envelope. “Nope, they hadn´t.”, she smiled. “It didn´t really bother you?” “No, not at all. I was surprised when Harry and Louis gave me the rings.” “Did they ask you? Like a proposal?” “Nope.” “What?”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

It was about an hour before our guests would arrive and I had taken Nika upstairs and she was doing my hair and makeup. I really wanted to look great, when the guests came.

Harry and Louis walked in and Louis said: “Nika, would you excuse us for a minute?” “Sure, I´ll wait downstairs.” “Thank you.” Louis kissed her on the cheek as she left the bedroom.

“You look so serious, what´s going on?”, I asked them and Harry came over to me. “We forgot something.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.”, Louis answered. “We talked to Kaya.” “Oh...” “You know what we talked about?” “I think, I might have an idea.” “We are so, so, so sorry for forgetting to propose to you!”, Harry said and he looked worried. “It´s fine, I wouldn't even have thought about it if Kaya wouldn't have mentioned it.” “We always thought about a proposal before the second wedding, cause that one will be the real deal.” “Don´t be sorry, I´m not angry. It´s fine.” “Yeah, but we want you to wear a sign from us, like a promise that we´ll do better at the real proposal.”, Louis explained.

“This one´s from me.”, Harry said and took my right hand. He pushed a thin rose gold ring with a embedded diamond on my finger. “Oh my god, that is gorgeous!”, I said amazed. Then I placed my hand on Harry´s cheek and got on my tiptoes to kiss him. “`Ey, I´m still here!”, Louis grinned and I looked at him. I wanted to give him my right hand as well, but he took the left one instead.

“And that one is from me sorry arse.”, he said and another rose gold ring with embedded diamond made it´s way onto my finger. “Sorry, but I thought, that identical rings might be a good idea, cause we´re equals in this relationship.”, Harry said. “Shush!”, Louis said to him, grabbed me by the waist, pulled me close and kissed me.

“They're perfect!”, I told him after Louis let go of me. “Kaya said that you would love them.” “She was right.”

“Guys, here we go! The first car just stopped at the door!”, Anne shouted and Nika came running upstairs. “We just need another minute and we´ll be ready.”, she told the guys and they left us alone. But before she focused on my hair again, she handed me a flask. “Take a sip, you´ll need it.”, she said with a wink and I did as I was told. “Kaya´s got another one in case you might need it.” “Thank you so much!”, I sighed and she hurried up to get me done.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Oh my god, they just gave you the rings? Nothing romantical? No songs or kind words?”, I asked Olivia stunned. “Their words were kind, but trust me, they did a pretty amazing job at the real proposal, but we´ll come to that later.” “Okay. Who were the first guests?” “Actually it was Zayn. With his Mum.”

We got interrupted by the doorbell. Olivia went to open the door and returned with our food.

While we ate, Olivia got the call about Kaya's funeral. After she had noted the date and the time, she looked at me. “Kaya is part of the second big secret in this family.” “Okay?” “Harry is the father of her son, Alexei.” “What? How? Why... Did he? He didn´t!” “No, he didn´t do it. Kaya wanted a child and somehow we came up with the idea of sperm donation. And Harry volunteered.” “And you were okay with it?” “Yes. Kaya was the sister, I had always wanted and Harry did not sleep with her, so it was okay for me.” “Did they go to the doctors and had it done?” “Actually no. I know, it sounds really weird and sick, but Louis helped Harry and I helped Kaya.” “You did it at home?” “Yeah. Both were healthy and Kaya measured her temperature to know when her ovulation would be and on this day, we sent Harry and Louis to have a little happy time and then we took a big syringe without a needle and making the baby was done.” “It worked right away?” “Yeah. I know, it really sounds sick or is sick, but in the end it worked. First we really planned to go see a doctor for IVF, but the more research we did, the more we got sure about the alternative method. It wasn´t a matter of money, obviously, but like we did it, it´s way less stress for everyone. If Kaya would have wanted to see a doctor, Harry would have supported her, but she came up with the idea in the first place.” “Wow, that´s really unconventional. I never thought about this way of making a baby.” “I don´t want to tell you to do it like that, but as I said, it´s very stressless. No need of any hormone treatment, no painful egg retrieve and awkward wanking session.” “Why did Harry never talk about Alexei?” “He did, we just didn´t shout it out to the world. Alexei knows who his father is and he always had known. Alexei spent so much time with Harry and Harry loved him like he loved our kids. And Louis and I also saw him as our son and for our kids, he´s their brother. Freddie had another mother as well and he's their brother too.”

“Did you ever think about getting Kaya on board like as a sister wife?” “No, we never did. And she never wanted to join us like that. She was a very strong and proud woman, she enjoyed her life as it was and Alexei completed her world, she never said anything about feeling lonely or anything like that. She was happy.” “Did she always live in London?” “No, she didn´t. She was most of the time in London, because of Alexei, but she spent time in Moscow, in Vienna, Prague, Berlin... Alexei grew up multicultural and he´s speaking at least three languages. Right now he´s working on number four, he started learning Hungarian.” “Wow, Harry must have been very proud of him!” “He was and I still am! Alexei has become an amazing young men, he´s travelling a lot and he constantly keeps looking for adventures.” “Will I meet him?” “Yeah, at least he had agreed on seeing you before his Mum passed away.” “Okay.” “I´ll ask him again.” “Thank you.”

“How was it to meet Zayn again?”, I continued with the original topic.

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

“Mum, I would like you to meet Olivia. Olivia, this is my Mum, Trisha.”, he said and Trisha smiled at me. “It´s really nice to meet you!”, she said and hugged me. “Zayn told me everything and I have to admit, that I´m glad that you´re here!” “Thank you so much! My family is already outside, do you want to join them?”, I asked her and she nodded. Anne walked her outside and Zayn used the moment to kiss me on my cheek. “How are you holding up?”, he asked. “I don´t know. I´m so glad when all this is over.” “How are they treating you? Is everything alright?” “They can´t be nicer and kinder or sweeter.” “So you´re doing this.” “I forced my Dad to get on a plane, for the first time in his seventy-one years, I´m doing this!” “I´m glad to hear that. Why don´t you introduce me to your guys?” “Love to!”, I told him and we went outside.

I had to grin, when I saw Nika´s jaw dropping at the sight of Zayn. She always had claimed to like guys like Matjaz, who was a teddy bear. She insisted that she loved him being chubby. But I had to admit, that Zayn really was an eye-catcher.

I took Zayn´s hand and dragged him with me to introduce him to her. “Nika, this is Zayn, he's a dear friend. Zayn, Nika is my niece and with her are her husband, Matjaz and the boys are playing footie with Louis.” “You got kids?”, Zayn asked surprised and continued: “You look way too young to be a Mum!” “And she´s married!”, Matjaz added with a growl. “Sorry, I didn´t mean to offend you!”, Zayn said quickly! “Just let her get some appetite, she'll eat at home.”, I told Matjaz and he grinned wickedly. “Come on, I want you to meet my Dad.”

My Dad was in his element. His English-skills were terrible, so he talked in a mix of Bosnian and English and also with his hands and feet. Anne, Trisha and Harry did their best to understand what he wanted to tell them. I jumped right in and asked him in Bosnian, what he was talking about and he answered, that he just said, that he enjoyed the flight. “He enjoyed the flight and the beer on board, that´s what he was saying.”

After I solved the language-difficulties I introduced Zayn to my Dad. Dad eyed him with suspicion and when he started to talk, I felt like I needed to protect Zayn! “You´ll need another language to refer to him as father...”, Dad snapped and Zayn looked at me. “Tata, stop it! Zayn´s not gonna be in the family!” “What does he mean?”, Zayn asked. “He thinks, you wanna be the third husband.”, Harry grinned and Anne and Trisha started to laugh. “That´s not so funny!”, I grimaced. “It is. Somehow.”, Anne grinned. “Yeah, you´re right, it is. Why don´t we get Niall and Liam on board too? So the whole fandom can hate me, cause I get all of them...”, I added cynical. “Fandom? What's that?”, my Dad asked me. “Harry will explain it to you.”, I just said and went back to Nika, who had my cigarettes.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Sounds like you had a lot of fun so far at the party.”, I said. “We had, but it changed as soon as the Tommo-Clan arrived, it was over with the fun.” “So bad?” “Worse!”


	17. What is happening to me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> today, I think for the very first time, the title of the chapter matches Olivia´s thoughts...
> 
> but I do have some bad news... I´m so sorry guys, I´ll take a break. I have several things to do pre- and postxmas and even the first days in the new year are already full of "funny" things to do... I´ll be back at my first day at work, which is January 9th. 
> 
> I really would love you to have a peaceful and happy christmas and a furious start into the new year! I´ll see you on the other side.

Lorraine´s POV:

“What happened when they came?” “Lottie didn´t bother to ring the doorbell and I went to the toilet and when I was on my way back, suddenly I was looking her right in the eye...”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

“Oh, hey!”, I said after I found my voice again. “Yeah... Whatever...”, she just said and walked outside. Her boyfriend, Fizzie, Dan, Daisy, Phoebe and the two little ones just stood there, staring at me like i was a monstrosity! They didn´t even know me, they had never spoken to me, but they already hated me.

Right in this moment I wanted to run. Run back to Bosnia, hide in my little bookstore and live my life. Forget about all of the fancy stuff and just be who I used to be.

But then an angel appeared!

Anne walked in and broke the staring contest up. “Ooooh my god, it´s soooo nice to see you! Look how big you became! You´re a little lady now, Miss Doris!”, she said and took the toddler from her Daddy's arm. Holding Doris Anne managed to hug the other girls one after the other and then she took them outside. Dan stayed back with Ernest. “I know that Johannah initiated this. I hope it´ll work.”, he just said and followed Anne and the kids.

I went outside too and saw Lottie sitting at a table right across the yard from my family. She didn´t even try. I walked over to Nika and took the flask. “Keep it coming.”, I told her and lighted a cigarette. Louis came over and took my hand. “I want you to meet my family.”, he said and I let him drag me to Lottie´s table. “Lottie, this is Olivia, she´s gonna be your sister-in-law.” “Yeah... You know, I don´t mind.”, she said and kept staring at her phone. Louis looked at her and he was definitely shocked. “Lottie! Pay some respect!”, he huffed at her. “It´s fine, Lou, really, it´s okay.”, I said and still wanted to run. I let go of Louis´ hand and walked away. Trisha, who was with Anne watching the little ones play, waved me over.

“Lottie hates me. And she is looking for followers for her “We-hate-Olivia-cult.” “She´s just a teenage girl, you shouldn't give a fuck about what she has to say.”, Trisha said. “How do you feel, Love?”, Anne asked me, but when I would have opened my mouth, I would start to sob. So I just shook my head and turned on my heel and walked away. I sat down beside Kaya and for a while I stayed there and pretended to be all happy and cheery...

Niall and Liam came together with their families, Liam even brought baby Bear and his girlfriend Cheryl. Finally all attention was taken from us and got directed to the baby.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“She really hated you.”, I said and Olivia nodded. “Out of nowhere, but she did hate me.” Olivia handed me a blue envelope and one in pink stayed in her hands. She seemed like she was still thinking about revealing it´s content.

“I want you to read this first.”, she finally said and handed it over to me. “It´s one of mine, I don´t want to talk about what happened, so I kept this letter and you can read it.

Olivia´s POV:

It´s late in the night after our family barbeque. I managed to get some minutes for me and so I decided to write down what happened today, when hell broke loose.

I did not want to fight with Lottie in front of all the guests, so I just avoided her. Unfortunately Lottie rated this as arrogancy against her.

The mood got worse, nobody dared to talk too much or too loud. Harry and Louis were uncomfortable in their bodies, everybody could see that and I wished, Johannah never came up with the idea. They didn´t deserve how they were threatened!

“Maybe they will loosen up the atmosphere.”, Harry said after the Horan´s and Payne´s showed up. “I hope God can hear you.”, I answered and then I reacted to my Dad, who was waving at me.

I sat down beside him and he started talking Bosnian. He was so angry that he was just stuttering and he got louder with every word. And he was right. He kept telling me that I should come home, forget all about this and go on with my life. I wanted to agree and go and pack my stuff. He convinced me that Lottie will never accept my presence and I was close to tears. This was supposed to be a party, a celebration, but it turned out to be horrible.

Gemma tried to talk to Lottie, as she had promised, but it didn´t work. Lottie got even more angry and aggressive. Anne and Trisha were shocked by the behaviour Lottie, Fizzie and Phoebe and Daisy were showing. I tried so hard to hide how hurt I was and I ended up in the kitchen, crying. The situation did not get better when Liam and Niall arrived, at first it seemed like it was, but Lottie managed to change the mood again. And sadly she found open ears.

The worst thing was, when Lottie and Fizzie started mocking Nika and Kaya. Nika with her many tattoos and Kaya with the crazy hair color and the sidecut. They were laughing at my family.

Zayn saved me from yelling at them and he was the one, who stood up for Harry, Louis and me. I was hurt by their behaviour, to Louis it was even worse. He tried to be sassy and smiley as usual but even a blind man could see that he was hurt.

“Come on, Lottie, give yourself a little kick, Louis is happy, why can´t you be too? You´re a rolemodel for your sisters and all you do is dragging them down with you! You don´t even know Olivia, you don´t even try to get to know her!”, Zayn said to Lottie, but her response was an annoyed sigh. “Leave her alone, Zayn.”, I said and he sat back down.

I asked Nika and Kaya to join me for a cup of coffee and a cigarette in the kitchen. I know it was rude, but I needed a little comfort from my loved ones. “... and those tatts... horrible... disgusting... orange hair...”, I heard Lottie say and something flipped in my head. “You know what, you little shit, at least we pay for our tattoos and haircuts by ourselves! We work for our money and we wanted those tattoos, no matter how crappy they might be! We know how it is to run our own business, pay our own bills. As soon as you´re able to stand on your own feet, without getting financed by your brother, you can come and mock us! But I suggest, you stay out of my way in the future, cause trust me, when it comes to a bitch-fight, you´ll lose!”, I yelled at her and every word got burnt into my memory.

I was pretty harsh on her, but she had no right to judge my family! She just had no right to do this!

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Oh my god, I can´t believe it!”, I exclaimed and saw that Olivia had tears in her eyes. “I hate what happened, what I said to her cause it didn´t make things better, but I had said it. It was out. For me the party was over. I was done with them.” “Honestly, I feel embarrassed for what Lottie said. You´re right, she had no right to insult you and your family.” “I am really sorry, even after all these years, about what I said, but I just wanted to protect my family.” “How did Harry and Louis react?” “Louis was crying. He felt ashamed for what Lottie had said and he was angry at me for yelling at her. And I couldn´t blame him. Harry was speechless and shocked. Like all the others.”

“What happened next?”, I asked Olivia and she handed me a letter from Harry.

Harry´s POV:

Thinking about this party brings me to the conclusion, that we should never have told anyone about us. Sure, there were people like my Mum, Gemma, Trisha and Zayn, who were happy for us, but most of our so-called-friends did not support us. I was so disappointed and hurt. Until that day I had been certain that people who saw the relationship of Louis and me evolving would be happy to see us together once and for all, but I was wrong.

We should have kept the truth to ourselves, just tell those who were absolutely necessary. But Lottie would have been in the inner circle, so it wouldn't have mattered!

Flashback!

Olivia disappeared into the house and for now I let her be. Louis was talking to his family and in the end, he asked them to leave. But he told Lottie, that he would stop by and talk to her about it, but for now he had other guests to care for.

I felt so sorry for him, but it was the best decision he could have made.

“If there´s someone else, who doesn´t accept or won´t be okay with the way we chose to life, I would like you to leave!”, Louis said and Liam´s parents and Niall and his family left. Liam and Cheryl stayed, but not for long. Liam was fine with our decision, but Cheryl had trouble with it. They left too.

So there were just Olivia´s folks, my Mum and Gemma and Zayn and his Mum. We had planned this and we were looking forward to this for so long, but now... We had prepared invitations for the actual wedding, but they were not handed out to our guests. At least not to those, who left. I had been certain, that Karen and Geoffrey would be happy for us and that Niall would be okay with it too, but they just left. They let us down!

I just wanted to cry. Louis was sitting with Samir and Nika and they were passing a flask around. Suddenly I realised that I hadn't seen Olivia for some time now. All the others were there, so I went to look for her. I met Kaya on my way in. “Have you seen Olivia?” “She told me, she needed a minute.”, Kaya answered. “But that must have been at least half an hour ago.” “Oh my god!”, Kaya said shocked. “I totally lost track of the time in this mess.”, I told her. “Not just you!”

I ran upstairs and looked into each room until I reached the master bedroom. But it was also empty. I went straight for the bathroom door and it was locked. “Olivia?”, I asked through the door. Kaya stood behind me and she looked terrified. “Olivia? Do you hear me?” “Yeah.”, Olivia answered, but her voice was trembling and my heart started to race. “Open the door for me, would you?” “No.” “Why?” “I made a mess.” “Come on, it can´t be that bad.” “It is.” “What did you do?” “Made a mess.”, she answered and Kaya started crying. “I should have known it!”, she said and went to lean on the door. “Olivia, Darling, just open the door, please. You know, I´ve seen you in worse conditions, let me check you up.” “I can´t.”, Olivia answered. “How bad is it, Dear?” The lock clicked and Kaya opened the door.

Olivia was sitting there on the white tiles, shards from a mirror were shattered around her and blood had speckled the floor. “Oh my god.”, I said and my first intention was to call the paramedics, but Kaya stopped me. “We´ll take care of it, we don´t need anyone. Calling the ambulance will just make it worse, cause they´ll pack her up and admit her to a closed facility.” “Why?” “Because that´s just what they do. She didn´t try to kill herself. Sit with her.”, Kaya said and I sat down beside Olivia and pulled her against my chest. She leaned her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes.

Kaya fetched some towels and let them soak with water. “You know it´ll hurt, but you know, as good as I do, that we need to clean them up.”, Kaya said to Olivia and started cleaning her right lower leg. “Where do you keep your first aid kit?”, Kaya asked and I had no idea, but it turned out, that she had meant Olivia. “It´s still in my suitcase, I thought, I might not need it.” “The suitcases are still in the bedroom, shall I get it?”, I asked Kaya. “No, stay with her, I´ll get it.”

Kaya came back with a little metal box and opened it. “Normally she knows that she should use the stuff in here first. And if she ever tells you, or if you ever realise, that she might hurt herself, give her this box. There are massage rings which hurt, when you put it on and squeeze them, there are emergency numbers, crossword puzzles, skills she should use before taking shards or knives...”, Kaya explained while she disinfected the cuts on Olivia's leg. “There are pins, which need to be disinfected before using and there's a scalpel, which needs to be sterile too. It might be frightening for you, when she needs to hurt herself, but she needs it in that moment and all you can do, is support her. Help her take care of the wounds. I´ll teach you how to use the disinfectants, the lotions and everything else you might need.” “Okay.” “You need to watch out, that she uses one of the skills before she really hurts herself. Try some word-chains or give her something disgusting to eat. This might break the spell, but if it´s not enough, you have to make sure, everything is as clean and sterile as possible.” “But that means, she has to tell me whenever she needs the pain.” “She will, will you, Olivia?” “Yeah, sure.” “Olivia!” “Yeah, I´m gonna say it.”

When Kaya had finished cleaning Olivia up, she gave us another flask and Olivia took a sip first. Then Olivia stood up, washed her hands and her face and went back to normal. Just like that. Nothing pointed to what had happened. “I´m sorry.”, she said and looked at me. “It´s fine, my Love, just talk to me in the future.” “But don´t tell Louis. At least not right away.” “Normally I won´t lie to him, but this day has been so tough for him. It´s fine if we talk to him tomorrow.” “Thanks.”, Olivia answered and kissed my cheek.

Flashback off!

Harry´s POV:

The party went well from that point on. We had great food, some drinks and we sat outside until it got too cold. Then we went inside to the living room, where we all settled down and kept talking. Damir had fallen asleep in Olivia's arms and she kept stroking his back while he slept. Louis and Gemma were playing with Nikolaus and Mum, Trisha, Zayn and me were talking about what had happened. Samir was sitting quietly in our middle, he and Matjaz and Nika were listening to our talk. Kaya was talking to Olivia almost silently.

After the fight on the afternoon, the atmosphere now was almost peaceful. It felt like family, like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, I didn´t mean to offend anyone, it´s pure fiction and a drama, so such scenes are obsolete... =)
> 
> love,  
> lily


	18. I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what´s up, guys? I´m back!
> 
> as promised, here´s the new chapter. =)

Lorraine´s POV:

It made me angry to hear how Olivia was treated by Louis´ family. And I felt really sorry for Louis. He had been happy and he wanted to be with Harry and Olivia. His family should have supported him, no matter what!

“I don´t really know what to say, I´m sorry.”, I said as I handed the envelope back to Olivia. “That´s nice, Dear. It still gives me chills, even after so much time. Louis got on good terms with his sisters, but when it came to me, it was kind of a truce.” “What did your Dad say after a good night's sleep?”

“He called me in the morning and asked me to have breakfast with him at the hotel. Just the two of us. I already knew what he wanted to tell me, but I went there nonetheless. It just struck me by surprise that Anne was already waiting for me in the hallway.”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

“I´m going to have breakfast with you and your Dad.” “Did he call you too?” “We already came up with the idea yesterday.” “Okay. Are you going to tell me that I should go back to Bosnia?”, I asked her while we walked to the car. “I won´t.” “But my Dad, right?” “Yes.” “It´s not that I don´t understand him, but how should I justify this decision?” “I don´t know, Love, I really don´t know.” Anne drove to the hotel.

My Dad was waiting for us in his hotel room. I kissed him on his cheek and we took a seat at the table, that had been set up. While Anne and Dad starting eating, I just poured a cup of coffee and went to the balcony to have a cigarette. I tried to figure out a good reason for me to stay here, a reason my Dad would understand. But there was just one reason: I had fallen in love with Harry and Louis. I wanted to be with them, help them. I just loved the way they loved each other. I wanted to be a part of their family. See the babies they would make! An infant with Louis´ bright blue eyes and one with Harry´s messy curls... I had been looking for a purpose in life and now I had found it. It had found me!

“Olivia?”, my Dad called and I went back inside. “Okay, Tata, what's up?” “I think you know why I wanted to talk to you?” “Yeah, I do.”, I answered annoyed. “Don´t talk to me like that.” “I´m sorry, but I´m just really clueless. I have no idea how to explain to you, why I want to stay.” “What do Nika and Kaya say?”, Anne asked. “I don´t know yet and I don´t know if I even wanna know.” “We´re worried!”, my Dad claimed. “I am worried too! But I´m not here to please Louis´ family! I can try to avoid them as good as I can.” “But they´ll be your sisters in law, you can´t avoid them for the rest of your life.”, Anne said. “You´ll have to be there to be my buffer! They´ll listen to you.” “Maybe, maybe not.” “Anne, please, don´t give up! If you surrender, how should I carry on?”, I was close to tears. “Do you think you´ll be able to be happy?”, my Dad asked me. “Yes.”

“Kaya told me what happened yesterday.”, he continued. “Oh my...” “What? What happened?” “I had a little...” “She hurt herself yesterday. Broke a mirror and cut herself.”, my Dad sad sadly. “What?!?” “C´mon Tata, you know there are times when I just need the pain.” “But without those chicks you wouldn't have needed the pain!” “No, maybe not!” “Thank god, Kaya was there!” “Tata! You know, that I´m able to clean my wounds myself.” “Do Harry and Louis know?” “Harry does, Louis not. I asked Harry to keep it to himself until the aftermath of the fight is over.” “You definitely have to tell Louis.” “I will, I just want to give him a little rest after the infamous party...” “But you´re going to tell him before the wedding, right?” “I´ll leave the decision about the right time to Harry, he knows Louis best.”

Anne stood up and started pacing the room. “Don´t get me wrong, Kid, I really do like you, but if this is so hard for you, if it bothers you so much, maybe your Dad is right.”, she said after some minutes. Now I started crying.

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“What did you say?” “Nothing. I just texted Harry and Louis to join us. I wanted them to make the choice.” “Which one?” “If I should stay. If they thought, I might be strong enough to endure it. I wanted them to tell my Dad and Anne that they'll protect me, that together we could make it.” “Did it work?” “Yes!”

Olivia took another green envelope and gave it to me. Louis´ next letter... But this time it was typewritten.

Louis´ POV:

When Harry told me to get up, to follow Anne and Olivia to the hotel, I was a bit disappointed. I had thought, I would be able to spend some time with Harry alone. A much needed break after the previous day.

But Harry, me beautiful, lovely soulmate, wanted me to talk to them and so I agreed. The way me sisters had behaved made me just sad. Didn´t they love me enough to accept me choice? I wondered what me Mum would have told them.

Somehow I needed to find a solution for this! Olivia and especially Harry deserved so much better and more!

Flashback!

Louis´ POV:

When we got to the hotel room, Samir and Anne were sitting at the table in silence and Olivia was outside on the balcony. She was crying. “What happened?”, I asked in suspicion.

“We need to tell you something.”, Harry said and I sat down on the unmade bed. “What's going on here?” Olivia came inside and crouched down in front of me. “Love, as you know, I´m sick and I had sort of a relapse yesterday. After all the bullshit, I needed pain and I did hurt myself. Harry and Kaya helped me.” “But... Why... Why didn´t you tell me?” “We thought you had enough crap for one day.”, Harry said and sat down behind Olivia cross legged and she sat in his lap. “But I should have been there for you!” “It´s fine, my Love, really.”, Olivia assured me.

“Why are we here?”, I asked Anne directly. “Louis, Darling, we´re not so sure anymore.” “About what?” “They suggested for me to leave and get back to my normal life.”, Olivia answered. “No! No, I´m not gonna let you leave us!” Nobody said anything, Olivia just cried again and Harry hugged her and placed his chin on her shoulder. I slipped off the bed and took Olivia's hands in mine. “I want you to stay. I need you to stay. We need you! It´s not just a theory anymore, I do love you! You may be pregnant with my baby already and I want to be with you, with the two of you! I can´t just let you leave!”, I babbled and started crying myself. “I´m staying.”, Olivia said almost noiseless.

Flashback off!

Louis´ POV:

We made the choice together and I promised to all of them, to protect Olivia with me life.

I´m not able to describe how and when and why I fell in love with her, but I did, so it was logical for me, to fight for her. I felt like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing, when I told Samir: “Your baby is mine.” Okay, it wasn´t an exact quote, but the sense behind it, was the same.

Lorraine´s POV:

“I´m pissed.”, I told Olivia. She just chuckled and put the letter back into the envelope. “Me too!”, she answered. “What happened next?” “Nothing really. I went to buy a nice dress with Nika, Kaya, Anne and Gemma and on the next Sunday, Louis and I got married.”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

I stood outside the registry office in my new fancy dress and had a cigarette with Kaya and Nika. Although it was supposed to be a great day, my mood was somewhere below the ground... “I´ve to tell Louis.” “But not before you get married!”, Kaya said. “What if he doesn´t want me anymore when he knows? Better tell him before...”, I started crying, again.

The last week had been an up and down of emotions. First the fight at the party, then the crisis meeting, Louis´ meeting with his family, the truce they made and then yesterday came...

I woke up in the morning and I felt like shit. Somehow nauseous, dizzy, cold and I had severe cramps in my lower abdomen. Very careful I climbed out of bed and went to the toilet. I was late, but only for two days and a tiny part of me had had the hope to be pregnant after Louis had mentioned it. But now all the hope was gone. We hadn't talked about it, but the hope was almost tangible.

I hadn't told the guys yet, I simply wasn´t brave enough to destroy their hope. “Oh c´mon, nothing will change!”, Kaya told me and I nodded. Lottie, Fizzie, Phoebe and Daisy came and I wasn´t sure how to react, but it was Lottie who murmured a little “Hello” and so did I. For Louis I would do anything. The other girls as well greeted us and I jostled Nika and Kaya to say something as well. If they were unwarlike, we would be too!

“We´re ready.”, Anne said and peeked out. “Sorry, Anne, we´ll be there in a second.” “But you´re not having cold feet, right?” “Nope, not at all! How about Harry and Louis?” “Louis just threw up.” “He... what?” “He threw up, thank god, nobody stood in his way.” “Why?” “When his sisters showed up, he realised that now it was getting serious.” “Okay.”, I grinned and went back inside. Harry and Louis hadn't seen me yet today and Harry kissed my cheek, when I stood beside him. Louis was still apologizing to the cleaning woman. “Love? C´mon, we´re ready.”, I said and he smiled at me. “I´m sorry, this is not, what it seems to be.” “It´s fine, I understand.”, I told him and took one of his hands and one of Harry's. “I need to talk to you.”, I said and we went to the back of the waiting area.

“What's wrong? Did you puke too?”, Louis asked. “No, unfortunately it´s something else, I gotta tell ya.” “Yeah?” “I´m not pregnant. I was late but now I´m on my period.” “Shoot.”, Harry said silently and tears welled up in my eyes. “I´m so sorry.” “What the he... It´s not that big a deal! We just started trying, it´s not bad that it didn´t happen right away. And now we gotta get married.”, Louis said and Harry and I smiled at him. “I´m really sorry.” “You don´t need to be. We´re fine.”, Harry said and together we went inside where our families already had taken their places. Zayn was the last one to show up, and he took a seat at the back.

The registrar looked at Louis and me. “You´re both of age?” “Yes, we are.”, Louis answered and showed the registrar our passports and both birth certificates along with our certificates of no impediment. “Who are you´re best men?” “That would be me, Sir.”, Harry said and added his passport to ours. “And you´re best man for both?” “Yes.”, Harry answered and I never saw his dimples this deep... I just wanted to pinch his cheeks and kiss him, but to the registrar, this would have been a shock, so I just looked at Louis, who was pretty green in his face. “You´re not gonna puke again, aren't you?”, Harry asked him and Louis closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. “I saw a soft drink machine on my way in, I´ll get him something to drink.”, Zayn offered and Harry and I nodded.  
“And you´re both sure about getting married?”, the registrar asked especially Louis. “Yes, Sir, we are.”, he answered weakly. “Okay. Have you made a choice about the family name?” Which one do you choose?” “I´ll stay with mine and Louis keeps his. To us, this is the best way to protect our upcoming children.” “Okay, as you wish. You can change the last name at any time if you want.” “Yeah, we know, thank you!” “Should we announce your marriage?” “No, please not.”, I said quickly. “And I guess, the newspaper gets a no as well?” “Yes.” 

“Can we start?”, the registrar asked. “Louis?” “Yeah, just let´s get this over with.”, he mumbled and I motioned for the trash bin. “If you gotta puke, at least try to aim.”, I told him and we sat down.

“Dear bride, dear groom, Ladies and Gentlemen, we´ve gathered to seal the bond between Louis William Tomlinson and Olivia Muratovic.” Zayn came back and handed Louis a bottle of Coke. “Thanks, Zayn.”

“I think, we should reduce this to the important part.”, the registrar said. “Yeah, so do I.”, I agreed and Louis nodded.  
And puked...


	19. And I don't wanna fit wherever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay, here´s the new chapter and I´m already working on the next ones, which will become pretty interesting.
> 
> but I noticed one thing: the more interviews and videos I watch of Louis, I will never be able to write like he´s talking, which is pretty sad for me... I try really hard, but it´s so difficult for me... I´m not a native English speaker, so I have my troubles with "slang" (if that´s not the right word, I´m sorry!)
> 
> well, I hope you like the new chapter! =)

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

I felt so sorry for Louis. And for the registrar. He just asked us, if we wanted to get married, we said *yes* and signed the paperwork and within fifteen minutes we were done.

When we got outside, Louis took a seat on the steps and lighted a cigarette. Harry asked the others to go ahead and that we would meet them at the restaurant.

“Look at you, you´re so beautiful today and I´m such a bloody jerk.”, Louis said sadly. “Your dress is gorgeous!” I was wearing a dark red polka dot dress with black lace and a neck halter. On my high heels, I was almost as tall as Harry and my petticoat made it hard for me to sit down. To hide the scars on my legs, I was wearing opaque black tights.

“He even ditched the ring-thing...”, Harry said and sat down next to Louis. “Oh my god, you´re right!”, I said with a laugh. “I'm a loser!”, Louis whined. “Nope, you´re not. You´re my husband.” Within a second his face lit up and he gave me his best charming smile. “Right, right, husband...” Harry took the ring casket from my tiny handbag and gave it to me. I flipped it open and took Louis´ ring out. He gave me his hand and I slipped the thin platinum ring on his finger. Louis took Harry´s ring and I got mine from Harry. “Now it´s perfect.”, I said and looked at the ring on my finger. “I ruined it, I´m so sorry!”, Louis said. “It´s fine, Love, we wanted to get married and it´s done. It´s not that important, at least not for us, right? Like... The real wedding will be anytime soon and that is the one that matters! Don´t blame yourself, Babe, it´s really okay. As long, as your puking doesn´t mean that you don´t wanna be married to me.” “And me.”, Harry added softly and with a loving smile. “I can´t imagine anything better!”, Louis answered.

We joined the rest of our guests at the fancy restaurant and, as it always is, who had the damage, didn´t need to worry about the mockery. Louis´ puking qualities kept us entertained for the rest of the day.

When we got home late in the evening, I just wanted to get out of my shoes and the dress. “You shouldn't have done that...”, Louis said softly behind me. “I´m so sorry, Love, I´m not in the game today.” “Cramps?” “Yeah, pretty bad actually.” Louis hugged me from behind and with his flat hands, he started massaging my belly. The kisses he placed on my neck distracted me a little bit from the pain. “I feel really bad for ruining the wedding night.”, I mumbled and Harry gave me an apologetic gaze. “It might be ruined for you, but to me the thing is clear, I´ll gonna do our husband...” I heard Louis swallow thickly and I looked at Harry. “Kiss me.”, I asked him almost silently and he did as told.

“Will you let me watch?”, I asked after Harry and I broke the kiss. “Sure!”, Louis said quickly and rubbed his already hard length against my behind. “But you don´t get to add a commentary track! Just watch!”, Harry clarified. “I won´t, I promise!”

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Sounds like it got pretty steamy, right?”, I asked Olivia and she grinned. “Yeah, I can´t deny that we used to have our fun together.” “I´m sorry, this might be inappropriate, but was it always the three of you in bed?” “Mostly.”

“Did you have a real honeymoon?” “No, we didn´t even think about it. As this wasn´t the real marriage... Louis and I joined Harry on tour, we lived with him in the tour bus. We had really much fun, unfortunately Harry had to work and Louis and I had pretty much time to fool around. Amelia was made somewhere on tour...”, Olivia grinned and I had to grin too!

“Now I would like to jump forward. I know, you already know that I got kidnapped in December 2017.” “Yes, I read about it.”, I answered and Olivia handed me the next letter.

It was handwritten and from Harry.

Harry's POV:

December 7th, 2017

Our baby girl is gone. Someone took her! I can´t believe it!

Yesterday she told me, that she had a doctor's appointment in the morning. We got to LA to spent the holidays and Olivia had been sick in the morning lately. I didn´t ask her about it, nor did Louis. And I haven't talked to Louis about my suspicion, yet.

She went to see a gynecologist this morning, but the guy refuses to tell us the result. Olivia went to the Starbucks next, ordered a caffeine-free Frappuccino and went outside to have a cigarette. The barista told us, and the police, that Liv was happy. She said something like “the last cigarette” and regarding to this, I am absolutely certain, that she is pregnant.

And now she´s gone.

The car was found, still at the parking lot of the clinic, her purse, cell phone, money and cigarettes were left there. Also all the credit cards, her passport and the necklace, bracelet and rings she was wearing.

Whoever took her, took her wedding ring from her finger.

I can´t stop thinking about the ring, ditching this question might lead me to the more important question: Is she still alive?

I called Nika, I wasn´t brave enough to call Samir myself. How do you tell a father, that his daughter was kidnapped? How should I tell Louis about my pregnancy suspicion? He seems to be totally numb, he didn´t even want coffee or a cigarette.

The police had started a nationwide search and we set a reward for pertinent informations. Sounds awful!

Louis just came in. He looks like a zombie. We had been asleep when the police came and the nightmare began.

They told Louis, as her husband, to keep calm and wait. Normally she should show up within twenty four hours, they said. Seven hours, forty three minutes and nine seconds passed since Olivia had left the Starbucks and all her traces were lost.

About two hours later...

Louis had a breakdown. He just said, his head was spinning and then he started asking me all the questions, he had in mind, at once. He talked so fast, that I couldn´t keep up with him. I tried to tell him to calm down, but he didn´t hear me. The longer he talked, the more he cried. Until he fell to his knees and yelled in sheer horror. The psychiatrist, who came with the crisis intervention team, gave him a shot to help him to relax. Now he's sleeping.

I was offered a shot too, but I don´t want to sleep, I wanna be awake, when she comes back. My Mum and Gemma are on their way, as are Kaya, Nika and Samir.

I tried to do the dishes or the laundry or even a little cleaning, but nothing could distract me.

My head is spinning and I need to do something, but I don´t know what! So I keep writing.

I´m wondering if the kidnapper will claim a ransom. I would pay anything, just to get our precious girl back! The policemen around the house won´t talk to me, I tried to figure out, how such kidnappings more come to an end, but they won´t tell me. So I guess, normally the victims don´t come back alive.

If Olivia dies, if she is or was killed, it would be our fault. Louis´ and mine. Without us she wouldn't even be in the States. What if the person who kidnapped her, did it out of jealousy?

In the middle of the night...

I kept walking around the house for some time. It didn´t help.

Louis woke up once and when he saw Olivia's hoodie on the rest of the chair, he started sobbing like a little child. He snatched the hoodie away and cuddled with it. I tried to talk to him, but I think he didn´t even hear me. Or realized I was close.

But Lottie called. She and Tommy are coming too.

Nika texted about an hour ago, that they got to Sarajevo safely and that they´re about to board their plane. I asked her about Samir and she just answered, that she had talked to his physician before they left Banja Luka and he had gotten something to relax... Kaya´s flying in from Moscow, where she was visiting her father, but as soon as she got the news, she decided to come.

To organize our guests helps me.

My phone's ringing. Zayn...

I can´t. I just can´t tell anyone else what happened. Louis should be with me, he should support me!

The police assigned a counselor to us, for as long as we would need it and instead of answering the phone myself, I went downstairs and gave it to the nice woman, who had introduced herself as Teresa. I told her to tell him everything.

Is Olivia still alive? If she is, she must be scared to death.

Two words popped up in my head: Stockholm Syndrome.

M´gonna google it...

What if she never reappears again? Or after many, many years?

We dragged her down – what a bitter irony...

What if she had to deliver the baby on her own? God forbid, that she lost it! Or will lose it.

I WILL KILL THE PERSON, WHO DID THIS TO US!

I wanna cry, but I just can´t, I´m way too exhausted.

I think, I´m going to talk another walk.

Thirty-fucking-six hours later:

The police picked up our families from the airport. Now my Mum and Kaya are in the kitchen and they are making Russian “Borscht”, I actually have no idea, what it is, but it smells terrible. But everything smells terrible without sleep. I threw up when Lottie hugged me, her perfume is awful.

Louis still is a zombie. But at least he's awake now.

Kaya had to buy cigarettes for him and now he's outside, chain smoking and staring holes into the air. He still doesn´t suspect Olivia to be pregnant and I know, I need to tell him, but I can´t! I just can´t!

Okay... I talked to Mum and I told her. Now she went to talk to Louis.

I´m watching them through the glass door, Louis seems to cope well.

Nope, he´s not coping well. He made a scene.

Louis yelled at me infront of all the people. He blamed me. He blamed Sign Of The Times, he blamed Dunkirk, he blamed every single breath I took in the last months.

And totally out of the blue, Lottie said, that Olivia disappeared on the day on year after Jay had passed. That was the overkill for Louis.

Kaya suggested to get him admitted and doped, but I refused. I just took him upstairs, put him in the bathtub and then to bed. Now he's staring at me and I´m staring at him.

“What if she´s dead already?”, he asked me a few minutes ago and all of the sudden I had started to cry. We ended up in bed, holding each other and crying.

Now we´re back at staring at each other and at the silence thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?


	20. I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> today´s chapter is a little bit shorter than usual and I´m really sorry about it! but I hope you´re gonna enjoy it no matter what! =)

Lorraine´s POV:

Harry´s letter brought tears to my eyes.

“Do you remember what happened?” “No, I have no idea how I got to this disgusting bed, where I was tied to the metal frame. For many, many hours I was alone and the only thing, I could think about, was the pure, beautiful baby inside me. I kept talking to her, even if she was just a few weeks old at the time, I was convinced it was a girl and that she was fine. At least I wasn´t alone.”, Olivia said and somehow it sounded pretty automatically. “How often did you say that sentence?”, I asked her. “A million times, probably.” “Amelia kept me alive, even though she wasn´t even born. I did not scream for help, or fight back, I wanted to do everything to keep our little princess alive and taking the shit was my plan. It might not have been the best plan, but to me it seemed to be the best way.”

December 9th, 2017 – transcription of the first press conference:

Police spokesman: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to our first press conference to the case of the disappearance of Olivia Muratovic-Tomlinson. I´ll update you now on the facts and then Mister Tomlinson is going to say a few words and afterwards you´ll get to ask questions.

On Thursday, December 7th, 2017, Miss Muratovic-Tomlinson went to see a physician on San Vicente Boulevard. She left the practice at about 7:45 am, went to get a soft drink and returned to her car. On the floor next to the car, we found the end of a cigarette, that matched the brand, Miss Muratovic-Tomlinson is smoking. Inside the car we found all her things, including her purse, still with all the money and credit and debit cards, phone and ID´s. Nothing was stolen, which makes this case more complicated.

We don´t have any clues so far, we´re searching the whole county and pertinent information will be rewarded with money by Mister Louis Tomlinson.

Mister Tomlinson, it´s on you, to say a few words.

Louis Tomlinson: I´m begging you, whoever you are, please, give me back me wife! Our family, our friends and I are waiting for her and we love her! Please, just release her, we won´t press charges or do anything else to find you. We just want her to come home safely. Please, just give me my Baby back!

Police spokesman: Thank you, Mister Tomlinson! We´ll go ahead with a few questions now.

Reporter 1: Ryan Miller, New York Times, Louis, do you think, someone got a reason to kidnap your wife?

Louis Tomlinson: No, I can´t imagine anyone being such a monster!

Police spokesman: Next!... Yeah, you in the third row!

Reporter 2: Alicia Finerman, OC Register, do you have any suspicions yet?

Police spokesman: Not yet, I've to admit.

Reporter 2: Thank you.

Police spokesman: Next.

Reporter 3: Neil Donovan, Boston Globe, Louis, will you pay for your wife´s release?

Louis Tomlinson: Yes! Whatever it takes!

Reporter 4: Antoinette Rivers, ABC, Mister Tomlinson, do you think, your wife is still alive?

Louis Tomlinson: What?! What did you ask me, you little shit? She is! And she´ll come back! She might be...

Police spokesman: We´re done here, we´ll keep you updated!

Olivia´s POV:

Flashback!

When I woke up, I felt dizzy and I was freezing. I was almost naked, only covered with a blanket up to my hips.

I took some deep breaths and tried to listen for any noises around me, but there was nothing than the chirping of birds and an occasional helicopter sound, but I had learned in the past weeks, that it was normal for choppers to circle over the city.

My hands were tied to the bedposts and they felt cold and when I looked up to them, I saw the bonds cutting in my skin. For a second I thought about forcing the cable ties to slit my wrists deeper and bleed to death, but there's my baby girl. I needed to live for her to live!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Did a man take you?” “Yes.” “Because of who Harry and Louis were?” “No, it had nothing to do with that at all. I have still no idea, who this person is or was, I only saw a mask, never a real face.” “What did he do to you? Did he rape you?” “Not the common way. I got cuts all over my body, some so deep that I thought, I´d die. My hair was cut off almost to the roots – all with one and the same dagger. And I was raped with that dagger.” “You what?” “This fucking asshole raped me with a dagger.”, Olivia repeated and nodded along with her words. “And he didn´t harm Amelia?” “No, not Amelia, only me. With the same dagger, he peeled my skin from my arm. To of the tattoos related to Louis were just cut out. I got beaten and tortured with cold water and I even got waterboarded, but I never made a noise. I kept silent, even if it took my whole strength.

Louis´ POV:

December 11th, 2017

Harry showed me his letter. I was an asshole the other day.

Today I´m not an asshole anymore. But I´m still a zombie.

Four days since she was taken from us.

In the early hours of this morning, Samir was admitted to the hospital. A fucking tv-news-shit was reporting, that they found a body and that they suspected it to be Olivia. Samir had a heart attack and we called an Ambulance. He got operated, implanted with a pacemaker and he´ll be alright.

I keep praying, praying to god, to my Mum. Olivia needs a guardian angel now and my Mum is the perfect person for the job. Without her, I would never have looked for Olivia in the first place. Now we didn´t need guidance anymore, we needed protection.

What if H´s right? What if Olivia really is pregnant? I´ll sue the fucking gynecologist to death, if he doesn´t speak up asap!

What if our innocent baby gets harmed? I can´t bear the thought.

The police asked for some personal things, if Olivia will be found, they wanna give her things she knows. So we picked a pink-grey blanket, the blanket with the sleeves in red and her favorite pajamas. We gave them her phone including the headphones and a letter from Harry and me.

I miss her. I really do miss her. Harry is not the same anymore, he keeps staring at me like I would disappear within the next second. He's scared, I can see it in his eyes. I know how he feels, cause I feel the same.

Samir is kept in a drug induced coma, which I´m glad about. I can´t tell him anymore bad news. Or any news at all. What if Olivia comes back and her Dad is dead?

I should have protected her! I failed...

Harry asked me to give him me letter, he wants to add something.

Liv, no matter where you are, I love you!

Lou xxx

Harry's POV:

Packing Olivia's stuff for the police made me realise, why I love her so much!

I simply do love her, because she loves Louis as much as I do. She adores him and would do anything for him. And I would do anything for her!

Maybe we´ll get her back soon! I hope we will!

Harry

Lorraine´s POV:

Olivia had given me a box of tissues, which I definitely needed. “I´m so sorry, but Harry and Louis were both so sweet.”, I said with a pretty shaky voice.

“They were indeed! Thinking of them kept me going. As soon as I was alone, everytime the guy left me alone, I closed my eyes and imagined to be home and snuggling with the boys. I missed them so much and it hurt my heart to think of what they were going through.” “But it was much less worse than what you´ve been going through.” “I don´t know. I just had to take the physical pain while Harry and Louis were left behind with their questions.”, Olivia said and a single tear rolled down her cheek. “There´s another letter from Harry.”, she continued and handed me the envelope.

Harry's POV:

December 12th, 2017

Last night Louis cooed me to have sex. I did not really wanna do it, but he seemed so desperate about it, that I said yes. It had never felt more like a mistake before. Someone was missing.

Although we had had sex without Olivia, she was missing. She had been watching us and it felt weird, like we were betraying her.

I want her back. I want her back so badly!


	21. I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am really, really sorry, but due to unforeseen circumstances today´s chapter is terribly short... And I´ve to skip the next update and will return in ten days. I am so sorry!
> 
> love,  
> lily

Harry's POV:

The police is using corpse sniffer dogs now. They think, she´s dead.

I don´t want to believe it! There are no signs that tell us she´s not alive anymore.

So far nobody claimed a ransom, nobody wants money. We didn´t get the famous picture with a newspaper!

Lorraine´s POV:

“Did you get any news from the world outside?” “Yes. The fucking asshole told me about my Dad. But he told me, my Dad had died. And he told me about the press conference.” “What did you tell him?” “Nothing, I kept my mouth shut and begged the little, pure soul inside me to send an angel to watch over my loved ones. To me Amelia was an angel herself at this time, cause she kept me alive.” I cried. I just cried, when Olivia explained her feelings about Amelia.

“The guy got upset when I kept refusing to talk, that´s when came up with the idea of waterboarding. I already had cuts and bruises all over my body and I felt sore all over, but not the loss of blood did bother him, it was my silence.” “You said, he raped you with a dagger.” “Yeah, it was the most excruciating pain, I've ever felt! And it made it impossible for me, to deliver a baby normally, the doctors were afraid, it might rip the scars open again.” “How long have you been gone?” “Twelve days.”

“And how did you get away?” “I woke up on the morning of December 19th and my restraints were gone.” “Really? Just like that?” “Yeah.”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

I took the blanket, wrapped it around me and left the cabin. I was in the middle of a fucking forest and I started walking into one direction, that I thought was north. North sounded comfy.

My whole fucking body was aching and I was bleeding from several wounds. More than once I fell to my knees and it took all my remaining strength to get up again.

I reached a road and started following it. It felt like hours before I heard the sound of a car. I tried my best to cover my body as much as possible with the stinking blanket and waved for the car to stop. When it really came to a halt, I fell down again. The floor was really comfortable and I felt awful. I felt like I was going to die.

“Hey. Are you okay? Okay... You´re obviously not okay... Can I help you?” “I´m Olivia Tomlinson, would you mind calling the police? My husbands might be looking for me...”, I mumbled and they guy stared at me. “Your husbands?” “My husband.”, I repeated and hoped, he didn´t mind what I just said. “I´ll get my phone, wait here.”, he said and I closed my eyes. “We´re fine, baby girl, we´re fine.”, I told my belly and heard the guy talking to the police.

“I´m Jeff, is there anything I can do right now?” “You can help me to sit up.”, I told him and when he saw all the blood, he stopped. “I guess, you´re not just on your period, right?” “Why?”, I was way too weak to get what he wanted to ask me. “You´re bleeding from your... Ähhhh... Your...” “The dagger, the fucking dagger...”, I said. “A dagger?” “I´m pregnant.”, I told him. “Okay.” “Would you mind lending me your phone? I wanna call my husband.” “Sure.” He gave me his smartphone and I typed in Louis´ number.

“Yeah?” “Lou... Love...” “Olivia? Is it really you?” “I´m fine, Love, just a little waisted.” “Olivia, where are you?” “I don´t know.” “How are you?” “M´fine... Just tired and dirty and a little broken...” “Where are you, we can pick you up?” “Jeff found me, he called the police.” “Love, who the fuck is Jeff?” “He found me.” “Yeah, you already said that.” “He drove by.” “Wait, Baby girl, Harry´s talking to the police.” “Yeah, I was found. Lou... How´s my Dad? Did you tell him? How many days have I been gone?” “He's alright.” “`Kay... I´m tired and freezing.” “You´ll be safe, Love, we´re on the way to the hospital.” “I´m not. At least not yet.” “The ambulance is on its way.” “Yeah? I can hear them.”, I said weakly and dropped the phone.

A few moments later, the ambulance reached us and Jeff took his phone and talked to Louis.


	22. I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ten days pass by so fast... =) now we´re at 666 klicks, which is amazing, but an horrible number, but I wanna thank you for reading!

Olivia´s POV:

When the ambulance stopped at the doors of the Emergency Room, I was relieved.

“You´re safe now, we´re going to take you inside and check, where the massive bleeding is coming from.”, a red haired doctor said and I just closed my eyes. “I am pregnant.”, I said. Everybody looked at me and in their eyes I could read, that they thought I might have lost the baby. “I am pregnant, no matter what!”, I shouted at them and took my phone from a police officer. “Is my husband here?”, I asked him. “Not yet.”

I got wrapped in some blankets and I refused to move before Harry and Louis arrived. “But we need to get you in surgery.” “You haven't even checked where the blood is coming from!”, I snapped and continued: “I want an ultrasound now, I need to know that my baby is fine.” “You can´t be pregnant.” “Why not!” “The massive bleeding indicates a miscarriage.” “I AM PREGNANT!”

“If my wife says, she´s pregnant, you´ll go and check her up!”, I heard Louis´ voice and he was standing at the door of the trauma room. “Louis!”, I said and bursted into tears. “I´m here my Love, everything´s gonna be alright.”, he said and took my hand.

A nurse brought an ultrasound machine and a gynecologist came to do the ultrasound. “How far along are you?”, he asked and I was happy, that someone believed me! “A few weeks.” Louis gulped at the sight of my bloody belly and I saw Harry standing behind him. “Haz...”, I said silently and he nodded. “And here we have a heartbeat.”, the doctor said surprised. “She´s alive?”, I asked him and he nodded. “Your baby is fine.” “I knew it! Louis, you´re about to become the father to a wonderful baby girl.”, I said and Louis grinned. “How do you wanna know that it's a girl?” “Maternal instinct.” Very careful Louis placed a hand on my belly and smiled at it. The heartbeat slowed down and the doctor looked at Louis. “Your daughter seems to know, that you´re here.”

“We need to check you up now.”, the redhead said and a nurse escorted Louis and Harry out of the trauma room. “Can you tell me, what happened to you?” “I got raped with a dagger.”, I said. “And the cuts all along your body?” “Were done with the same dagger. The skin of my arm was peeled off, also with the help of the fucking dagger. If you manage to get the fucking thing, I wanna have it!”

Flashback!

Louis´ POV:

Olivia had lost a huge amount of blood and had to go into surgery asap. I was so happy to see Olivia, to see she´s alive! She had been brought to the same hospital that Samir was cared for at.

“What do we tell her about her father?”, I asked Harry after we walked outside so I could have a cigarette. “They found her?”, Nika asked when running to meet us. “Yeah, she´s in surgery now.” “How is she?” “A little wasted and scratched, but she'll be fine. And, Nika, she´s pregnant.” “Oh my god, she really is?” “And she thinks, it´s gonna be a girl.”, Harry said while I started crying. The pressure we had been under for the past two weeks striked back and I was so weak, that I couldn´t help. I cried like a little child and Nika hugged me.

Within the next sixty minutes, our families gathered and together we were waiting for news.

The first, who came to talk to us, was the gynecologist. “Your wife is severely hurt, she told us, she got raped with a dagger, which left deep cuts inside her vagina.”, he said. “What the fuck? What´s a dagger?”, Nika asked and I felt like puking. “You don´t know a dagger?”, the doctor asked. “She knows a dagger, she just not a native English Speaker.”, Harry snapped at him and started to explain it to Nika.

“I´m gonna kill the motherfucker, who did this to her!”, Nika said with tears in her eyes.

“We´re going to stitch her up, but this means, she has to stay in bed whilst the whole pregnancy. It´s too dangerous, the stitches might rip open when she gains too much weight. I have to get back and we´ll keep you updated.” “Thank you.”, Harry answered and I felt tears prickling on my skin. Harry on the other hand was furious! He was steaming with rage.

“Nika, if you need help, I´ll back you up.”, he said and started pacing the hallway.

The next update came from the plastic surgeon. Obviously some parts of the skin on her leg were burnt, Olivia had told him, that the guy had tried to roast her. She had refused to talk, so he tortured her to get a tone out of her.

“On the right forearm are two spots, where the skin was peeled off. According to your wife, the man cut around the tattoos and with the use of the dagger and a forceps, he cut the skin bit by bit from the tissue underneath. We will do a skindraft and take some of the skin on her thigh.” “How bad will the scars be?”, I asked him. “I´m pretty good at sewing up people, trust me, she´ll be as beautiful as ever.”, he gave me a bright grin and I had to believe him.

Kaya had checked on Samir and after his cardiologist had heard, that Olivia was back, they decided to end his coma and wake him back up. They scheduled it for the next day and to Harry and me, it was obvious, that we needed to tell Olivia about his condition.

It felt like days until the final update came.

“We managed to close all of the bleeding wounds, but we had to drain some abscesses and leave drainage hoses in, so the fluid can get out. Mother and baby are stable and before plastics get to work, we´re gonna give her a night or two to recover. We´ll take her upstairs to the ICU and then you´ll be able to see her.” “Thank you!”, I said and after we talked to a nurse, we went to the ICU ward ourselves.

“Mister Tomlinson? You can come in now.”, another nurse said and Harry and I went to enter the ICU. “I´m sorry, only close relatives are allowed here.” “Trust me, Harry is a close relative and Olivia will want to see him.”, I groaned. “I´ll take the responsibility.”, I added and she gave in.

Olivia was half awake and her eyes closed again and again. Harry took one of her hands and I the other. Now Harry had the chance to kiss her and he placed little kisses all over her face. “I love you, I love you so much!”, he told her and Olivia nodded before she started crying. “Shhh, it´s okay, you´re safe.”, I told her, but the tears kept flowing. “That´s the whole tension.”, Olivia mumbled and tried to sit up. “You need to lay down! Do it for our baby girl!”, Harry told her. “Is she okay?”, Olivia asked tired. “Yeah, listen, you can hear her heartbeat.”, I said and pointed at the second, low peeping heart monitor. “I thought about names.”, Olivia said. “And to which conclusion have you come?”, I asked her. “Amelia.”

“Amelia? That´s really pretty!”, Harry told her and his eyes teared up. “Amelia sounds great.”, I murmured and sneaked my hand underneath the blanket and placed it on her belly. Harry did the same and our hands met above the spot, where our first baby was growing.

“We need to talk to you.”, Harry said after a little while. “Okay?” “Your Dad had a heart attack.”, I broke the news to her. “I know... My Dad... He is dead, right?” “No, he's fine, but he's still in the hospital. You´ll get to see him soon.” “How is he?” “He's fine, but he has to stay in bed until at least tomorrow.” Olivia started crying again. “My Tata, I can´t believe it.” “He's here in this hospital too, so you´ll get to see him really soon.” I left the fact of the coma, drug induced or not, out.

“Sorry, gentlemen, you have to leave.”, the nurse from before told us. “No. I don´t wanna be alone.”, Liv protested. “It´s getting late and you need some sleep.” “I want one of them to stay. Or I´ll get up and walk outta here.”, she claimed stubbornly. “You´re not allowed to stand up.” “Let one of them stay.” “I have to ask your physician first.”, the nurse gave in and left. “Never, ever again, I´m going to spend a night separated from at least one of you. Don´t you dare leaving me alone!”

Her last sentence broke my heart.

Louis


	23. I've been looking sad in all the nicest places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry for the long abscence, my plans were so ambicious but in the end they didn´t work out. like all good plans... ^^
> 
> but now I´m back and I´ll try to update once a week.

Lorraine´s POV:

“Was one of them allowed to stay with you?” “Yes, Harry spent the night. None of us slept, we kept talking and just looking at each other.”

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

“How are you feeling?”, Harry asked me almost silently. I just looked at our hands and lifted them up to place a kiss on the back of his hand. “I can´t tell you how glad I am to be back. There were times, when I seriously doubted, I might be able to survive.” “But you did it. You made it through.” “We made it through.” Carefully he caressed my cheek. “You know, I love you.”, he whispered with tears in his eyes. “I love you too!”

“I can´t wait to meet our baby girl.”, Harry said after a few minutes of silence. “She´ll be beautiful with Louis´ blue eyes and even if you haven´t been biologically involved, she´ll have your curls and when you and me have a baby, it´ll have your dimples and those pretty green eyes.” “Stop making me blush.”, Harry muttered with a grin. “With our jawlines, our baby will be cutting edge.”, he continued and I laughed. “You´re a jerk.” “But I´m the jerk you love.” Again I kissed the back of his hand.

Harry´s phone rang. “Louis´ is facetiming me.” “You should answer it.” “But we´re at the ICU.” “You could step outside.”, I said and pointed at the door to the balcony. But Harry decided to take the call right away. “Hey. You gotta speak as quietly as possible or I´ll have to go outside.”, he told Louis and Louis nodded. “I just wanted to wish you a good night. The press conference is starting at eight and then I´ll take over.” “It´s fine. We´re fine.”, I told him and Louis gave me a crooked grin. “Go to sleep, Babe, you´re exhausted.”, Harry said to Louis. “Just took a shower and talked to Lots and now I´m feeling alone... The bed is so empty without the two of you.”

“No phones in here!”, a nurse shouted at us and quickly Harry ended the call.

“Sing for me.”, I begged Harry. “Yeah? What you wanna hear?” “Don´t mind.”, I answered with a yawn. “Try to sleep, okay?”, he asked me and I nodded, but I knew, that there was no sleep on my schedule for the night.

“If I could fly... I´d be coming right back home to you... I think I might give up everything, just ask me to... Pay attention, I hope that you listen cause I let my guard down... Right now I´m completely defenseless...” “I love your voice.”, I mumbled and Harry laughed muffled. “Don´t tell Lou.” “And wake the sleeping beast? No way.” Harry bent over to place a soft kiss on my forehead.

Lorraine´s POV:

“How sweet!”, I said with a sigh and Olivia laughed. “Yeah, pretty slushy...” “I think it´s been cute.” “Like Harry always was. He was caring and sweet and protective. Harry wasn´t the one to yell at someone if he was mad, unlike Louis, he waited and seeked a private conversation with the person and what he had to say, had weight. Every single word hit the right spot. Harry was the one, who was dangerous, when he was silent, when Louis on the other hand, kept cursing and yelling, telling people right away, when they pissed him off.”

“I have one last story for today, if that´s okay? Oh... and here, I almost forgot it, the password to our wifi. I bet you want to facetime your girlfriend.”, Olivia grinned. “May I tell her what we´re talking about?” “Sure, as long as she signs that she´ll stay quiet.” “Sure, she´ll sign it.”

“So, what´s the story?”, I asked her.

Flashback!

Olivia´s POV:

About thirty days after I was admitted to the hospital, I finally got the permission to take a bath on my own.

“I´m going to scrub my body so hard, you have no idea.”, I told Louis, whom I had sent out to buy some nice things for the best bath of my life.

“Do you wanna enjoy your bath alone?”, Harry asked and picked a rubberduck from Louis´ bags. “No, I won´t go anywhere alone.”

The nurses had managed to block the bathroom for me and I had no time limit to stick to. We went to the bathroom and Harry locked the door behind us.

And then I saw IT – a huge fucking mirror! I hadn´t seen my whole body in a while and I was afraid of looking at it. To avoid the moment, I started preparing the bathtub. It was huge, more like a little pool than a bathtub. I added some of the good smelling oils and sea salt to the water.

“You should get undressed.”, Harry said almost quietly. He knew exactly what was bothering me. “What if I can´t do it?” Louis stopped pacing the room and looked at us. “You need to do it.” “But I can´t! I think, I can´t.” “You´ve been incredibly strong in the past couple of weeks, this is just one more thing to do. You can do it.”, Louis said and came to stand in front of me. “Look me in the eye and just do it. You won´t see yourself right away. Harry is at your back, we´re here.” “What if you don´t love me anymore afterwards?”, I asking with a trembling voice und all of a sudden I felt lonely.

Harry hugged me from behind and placed his head on my shoulder. Louis kissed me on the lips and then him. “We´re the three musketeers, nothing can bring us apart.”, Louis exclaimed.

“Okay, let´s do it.”, I said and while I opened the belt of my bathrobe, I stared into the blue seas of Louis´ eyes. Harry took the bathrobe and put it away.

“Are you ready?”, Louis asked me and I closed my eyes and nodded. He took a step to the left and after a few deep breaths, I opened my eyes again.

I was unable to speak, all I could do, was look at myself and be horrified. My body was scarred and disfigured. It barely looked like the body I used to know.

My knees got weak and Harry caught me before I hit the ground. “Why didn´t you tell me how bad it is?”, I asked him. “You seemed to cope so well.”, Harry just mumbled and I started to sob into his shirt.

“I don´t know when or how I got all those wounds! I can´t remember!”, I told them horrified and turned to take another look at myself.

Flashback off!


	24. Baby, baby, I feel crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am still alive and as my body doesn´t wanna sleep, I wrote a new chapter.
> 
> I hope you like it!

Friday, April 3rd 2071

Lorraine´s POV:

In the past days Olivia had told me all about her pregnancy and the time she had spent in the hospital after her kidnapping.

Today her daughter Elena would stop by to talk to us.

I was pretty curious about meeting her and a little bit nervous.

I had seen a few pictures of Elena online and she couldn´t be any more different from her twin sister Lucia. Elena had stunning turquoise eyes, only slight dimples and very long blonde hair. The hair color wasn´t her natural one, but it was a huge contrast to her sister, who had black hair. And Lucia was tall and slim when Elena was a little bit shorter and chubby.

So far Emma had been a bit frightening, but I really like Amelia and Lucia. And Freddie and Charlaine of course!

Olivia had made a family tree for me and while our last interview session, she made name cards for each and every family member.

“Don´t be scared, Elena isn´t as brisk as Lucia, she´s more like Harry. She´s charming, smiles a lot and is really relaxed.” “How can twins be so different?” “Good question! It´s Louis´ influence, there´s no other explanation. Or mine. Elena always was like Harry´s shadow, she was always around him, cuddling on his lap, as a baby she only slept on his chest and he was the only one to calm her down.”

The doorbell rang. “Oh look, one of my kids actually got manners!”, Olivia said with a huge grin and shouted: “Come on in, it´s alright.”

Elena came into the kitchen and hugged her mom right away. “Sorry, normally I´m not that rude, but I haven't seen me Mum in a while.” “It´s fine! It´s very nice to finally meet you! I´m Lorraine.” “Elena. Nice to meet you too! So I´m the last one?” “Yeah, but they´ll come over and I thought, it might be good for the four of you to talk to Lorraine alone.”, Olivia suggested. “That'll be a mess.”, Elena laughed and helped herself to a cup of coffee.

“How´s Jakov?”, Olivia asked Elena. “He´s sunburned and grumpy, like always. Freddie texted me about Kaya and I´m so so so so sorry, Mum.” “I know, darling, I know. I really will miss her.” “How´s Alexei doing?” “He´s holding on.” “I got gifts for all of you.” Elena took a little box from her purse and handed it to Olivia. “Thank you, dear.”, Olivia said and opened the box. “Oh my god, your Dad would be furious!”, she laughed and gave me the box. It was a little Bob Marley made of clay and he was holding an ashtray and had a giant joint in his mouth.

Just a few minutes later Emma, Lucia and Amelia came.

“I´ll take a nap, the fridge is filled, just take whatever you want.”, Olivia said and left me alone with her daughters.

We went outside and sat down at the table on the porch. “Is it okay for you if I record this?”, I asked them and they all nodded. “Thank you.”

“Your Mum told me about her kidnapping and now I would love to know, what you think or know about it.”, I said and Amelia sighed.

“It must have been pure horror for our parents. Mum was gone and Tata had no idea how to cope with it.” “Who kidnapped her, do you know?”, I asked Amelia. “No, they never found out. But after Mum was released other women disappeared and some where found dead close to where Mum was found alive. The police thinks that the guy just liked to torture women. They found the cabin but that didn´t stop him, that´s all I know.”, she answered.

“Daddy and I talked about it. That´s now about a year ago. I asked him how he managed to stay sane during those days.”, Elena said and Lucia lighted a cigarette. “What did he say?”, Emma asked. “He blamed Tata. According to him, Tata was so out of mind that he needed to stay calm. Tata thought he doomed Mum by picking her.”

“She had to stay at the hospital for quite some time after her release.”, I said. “Until I was born, otherwise the doctors thought she might have a miscarriage.” “And during the other pregnancies she had to stay in bed most of the time.”, Emma added.

“The last pregnancy was the worst.”, Lucia said and Amelia sighed heavily: “Right from the beginning Mum was afraid and she was right.” “I mean, we were all kids but I still can remember the dark cloud hanging above our little brother.”, Elena said and Amelia nodded. “And then Grandpa died right after Jared. Poor Mum!”, Emma muttered.

“How was it when Louis died?”, I asked the sisters. “Daddy was broken. From one moment to the next he lost the solid ground beneath his feet.”, Lucia said und the others nodded. “I don´t even have enough words to describe Tata. He was one of a kind!”, Amelia added with a sigh.

“He died on New Years Eve in 2066, right?”, I asked the round. Amelia, whose cheeks were already tearstained, answered: “In the beginning he kept complaining about severe headache all the time. In summer of 2066 he went to see a doctor, who diagnosed him with Migraine. He got some pills and case closed. But it didn´t get better, he slept a lot, lost pretty much weight. He went to see the doctor again, this time he just got confirmation about Migraine. And Pneumonia was added to his chart. Tata had to take antibiotics and lost even more weight. On December 7th he was admitted to the hospital – on the day exactly fifty years after his Mum died. The doctors at the hospital found out, that he had stage four brain cancer and it had already had metastasized into his lungs. In the end he weighed not more than a wet towel and he was so frail and tired. He died at home, we had a palliative carer come by and he passed away very peacefully.”, Amelia ended and now I was crying to.

Flashback!

Amelia´s POV:

December 30th 2066

“Tata, how are you?”, I asked him worried. It was past teatime and it was my turn to bring him his beloved tea. “Had better times...”, his voice was hoarse and he coughed after speaking.

I set the tray down on the nightstand and crawled in bed with him. “Tata, I don´t wanna let you go.” “Aaaaw Baby Girl, I had me life, a long and happy one. I met your Dad and your Mum and we had you and your sisters. I´m so proud of all of you.”, he cupped my cheek with a weak hand and closed his eyes. “When I close me eyes I can see you all grow up, I see your Dad and Mum and I´m certain that I did me best to take care of you.” “You did, Tata, you always did. I love you so freaking much.” “I love you too, Baby Girl.”

Flashback off!

Lorraine´s POV:

“I watched a lot of videos online and I´m really sad, that I never got to meet your fathers.”, I said. “I miss them every day. When Tata died we had Dad left but now there's just Mum and to see how she suffers over the losses makes it even harder for me.”, Lucia said. “She wants to die. She wants to follow them.”, Elena explained. “You think she´s gonna kill herself?”, Lucia asked. “Mum would never do that!”, Emma said stubbornly. “She once said something about the Green Mile, that old movie with Tom Hanks... She said that sometimes the green mile is so long... She clearly is suicidal.”, Amelia told her sisters. “Only this interview keeps her alive, so...”

“I need a cigarette!”, Lucia said and opened a window. Amelia joined her and for a few minutes everybody was lost in thought.

“Mum always seemed to be so tough. She was there for Dad when Tata died, she was there for us, she lost her baby and her Tata within a week and Nika too and now Kaya is gone. There's no one left from her friends and family.”, Lucia said sadly. “Looking at it this way, makes it clear that she just wants to die.”, Emma murmured. “She knows that we are all taken care of, everyone got a house and money, we´re standing on our own feet, we don´t need her anymore.”, Lucia explains. “But our kids and grandkids need their Nana! She´s healthy, it would be even better if she finally gave up smoking.” “But she´s heartbroken.”, Emma sighed.

“How can we show her, how much we still need her?”, Elena asked her sisters. “She knows that you won´t want her to die, but she feels like relic from another time. There was so much progress on this world over her entire life, she thinks, she can´t keep up anymore. I think, if you really love her, and I know you do love her, you should accept her deathwish. That was what she meant with this quote from The Green Mile.”, I said and four pairs of eyes looked at me with a shocked expression.

“I´m sorry, it´s none of my business.”, I said almost silently. “No, I think this makes sense. When she was born and when she was a kid, nobody had computers or cellphones at home, they were bound to use landlines... Her first car had only four gears and nothing like air condition or central locking system... Sometimes she´s lost with all the new technical stuff.”, Lucia said.

“I think you should spend as much time as possible with her and accept her wish to be reunited with her loved ones.”


End file.
